SAT Essay Study Group

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So here we go! This is my first SAT essya ever. I’d very greteful if you marked it!

“Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?”

The changes that make our lives easier almost always make them better as well. People deal with new technologies daily, not often thinking that these are our inevitable life-assistants and can ameliorate most of everyday actions significantly. There are numerous examples of technological progress which improves both a personal and working life of an individual. My experience of using the internet while being abroad and my school’s use of computers are two of them.

When I was an exchange student in the United States, I did not have a chance to see my family for ten months. There was no opportunity for my relatives to come visit me even for holidays such as Christmas or Thanksgiving. However, I never lost a connection with any of them due to the development of new technologies. Using the internet based programs: Skype, Facebook, iMessenger, my Mom and I were corresponding on a daily basis. She could always ask me how I felt, what I was eating or wearing on that particular day. As a result I did not experience any homesickness at all, and my exchange year became the best one in my life. What is more, my parents felt much calmer and more confident, as they knew what my life consisted of, even though I was residing in a different country. All these positive effects would not be possible without the recent changes in communication through the internet.

The other example is the common use of computers and the World Wide Web at school. Most of the colleges and universities do rely on computer technology, and my school is no exception. Last month, I had a very important project in my trigonometry class that I had to present in the classroom. I had been working for two weeks and had done a lot of research. On the day before the actual presentation I decided to send the result of my diligent work to my math teacher, for I was seeking her opinion. To my pleasure, she approved everything in my report, and I was exceedingly confident going to school the following day. However, once I came to class and started preparing for my presentation, I found out that I forgot a flashcard with all the research that I had done. Hardly can I describe how devastated I was at that moment. Luckily, my teacher saved the information that I had sent her the night before, so I successfully presented my project. My grade in the trigonometry class would have been ruined completely without the use of computer, because I would not have an access to my own information.

Both this examples show how useful the modern technologies are. They helped my family and me to overcome the distance issues and saved my school performance. To sum up, people do face some serious changes which can be quite ambiguous at times but which improve our lives in various ways, just as scientific progress does.

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Prompt: Is it important for people to spend time outdoor and to learn to appreciate natural environment?

 Nature is perhaps the greatest gift God has ever granted us. The belief that one should invest time to appreciate nature is an absolute truth. Although many have constrained schedules throughout the day and refuse to spend an extra hour outdoor, people who are exposed to nature acquire health benefits. Examples that prove this fact are my experiences at Central Park and Dr. Lee's article on business networking.
  During the sunny summer of 2015, I was drowned with copious amount of SAT practice exams, college essays, and networking events. After spending countless hours sitting at my unorganized study table, I began to develop  migraines and sleep disorders. Thus, my work ethics were hampered by the excessive tasks during the day. However, during mid July, I called up an old friend from 9th grade to spend a day at Central Park. At first, I thought I was procrastinating by diverging from my daily tasks, but I soon realized that biking down the declined road freed my stress. Later that night, I sensed melatonin rushing through my brain, mainly due to the natural sense and passionate appreciation of Central Park. Had I continued to stay at home and work on my personal endeavors,  I would have remained depressed and deprive throughout the day and night.
 In March 2015, Forbes released a business article, by Dr.Lee, stating that "Your network is your networth". Basically, getting outdoor experiences by connecting with people and opening new frontiers in life will ultimately lead to greater opportunities. While most tend to think that inclusively working on a project may enhance one's thinking, the exterior of the comfort zone is where all magic ignites.
  Conclusively, the notion that spending time outdoor is absolutely significant in improving lives of individuals. It is only by moving outside of the comfort zone and changing work habits can people fully achieve success.

***Feel free to comment and grade.

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I’m also interested in forming a private group mainly for essay critiques and Reading Comprehension questions. Like others, I am also aiming for 2300+ so if anyone likeminded is interested in such a proposition, PM me!

Prompt: Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government–rather than individuals–should always come up with the solutions to society’s ills may have made us less-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency.

Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?

In general, people should take more responsibility for issues affecting their communities that those plaguing the entire nation. A single person can make a much greater impact on their immediate community because they know it inside and out. On the contrary, attempting to solve the nation’s problems is nearly impossible because of its multi-dimensional nature.

It’s no secret that the national government, representing the people of the United States, is often ineffective in serving the needs of everybody. Take for example the Affordable Care Act, a law which aimed to provide healthcare to every single one of America’s 350 million-plus citizens. This one-size-fits-all solution was a failure because it attempted to address too many needs at once. In fact, it ended up raising people’s premiums and lowering their deductibles, ironically making health insurance even more unaffordable. Another instance of government trying to solve a national problem is immigration. Recently, presidential candidate Donald Trump promised to build “a wall” along the border with Mexico and deport illegal immigrants. This is without any consideration of the livelihoods of millions. Both the issues of health care and immigration reveal the inefficiency of a bloated bureaucracy and need for local communities to solve their own issues. After all, who’s better in judging whether illegals need to go - their neighbors or some assembly halfway across the nation?

The American Revolution is another example of where big government failed to meet the needs of people. England, ruling the colonies from across the vast Atlantic, levied takes and waged wars involving the colonies without engaging them. Of course, local bodies saw the toll that taxation was taking on their communities. Britain, however, did not realize the colonists’ hardships. It was only when the colonists took responsibility for their communities into their own hand that positive change was made.

All in all, people need to take responsibility for issues affecting them directly rather than makes ones for places they’ve never stepped a foot in. For me, trying to change the country’s climate change strategy or foreign policy is a futile exercise. I do know, however, that I can help fix the potholes on my street or stop the neighborhood vandals if I direct my energy into solving the problems facing my community.

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Could you please mark my essay? Thanks!
344 words, filed all 2 pages

Do people learn only when they are forced into action?

Realizing that people learn who they are only when they are forced into action is a crucial ingredient for all individual and societal development. A plethora of examples from the worlds of literature and history prove that self discovery through action will always prevail.

In the renowned British novel “I am the King of the castle” by Susan Hill, it was Hooper’s direct action of seizing the throne form the Queen that made him realize who he was as a person.Hooper always used to criticize the Queen of England and claimed that her decisions were taken by self interest and were not suitable for England. Hooper claimed that if he would rule England he would be a far greater ruler than the Queen and would not " steal and cheat" the people of England. This caused a coup d’etat by the residents of England and led Hooper to become the ruler.Hooper initially tried to rule England fairly but was captivated by all the wealth he could have if he took decisions in self interest, causing Hooper to tile in England in much the same way the Queen originally did. Hence, this example proves that people discover themselves when forced into action as when Hooper was infact the ruler of England he did the opposite of what he advocated.

In the 1990 Gulf war , it was Sadaam Hussein, the leader of Iraq, action of not realizing who he was that ultimately caused Iraq to be defeated. Sadaam Hussein thought that he could easily manage and control his army of over a million men to success if he was to invade the oil rich country of Kuwait. Sadaam therefore ordered his troops to invade Kuwait although, his troops were reluctant to do so as they lost trust in Sadaam over the years.This caused only a fraction of Sadaam’s army to invade Kuwait which resulted in Iraq’s eventual loss in the war as the divided army could not defeat U.S forces. Therefore, this example proves that thinking who people are without action can be deadly and tumultuous.

After a careful analysis of “I am the King of the castle” and the 1990 Gulf war, it is without a shadow of a doubt that people indeed only learn who they are in action. Not realizing this can cause chaos and rebellions.

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The topic is , do people learn who they are when forced into action, sorry for that

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I am taking the SAT on October 3rd. In the June session I got a 6/12 on the essay. I would very much appreciate it if you graded this essay:

Fighting deadlines

The struggle against deadlines is real. It is also real that deadlines teach valuable lessons about managing time. That is why I think that they are useful. I will recall one particular time when I barely won the battle against the deadline and what I learned from it.

February 28 2014. Two PM. With just two hours until the deadline, our laptop stopped!

I was part of a team working on a space design project organized by NASA. Carelessly, we decided to leave the finishing details for the last day: to print the project and send it to the United States for judging. We met that morning and only needed to merge all chapters into one file and print it. It was at this moment that our laptop decided to sabotage us. It shut down and thus the unsaved work was lost!

Panic started to settle in. It was 3:30 and the last plane to Los Angeles left in half an hour. Clearly we could not make it in time. By now I recall starting to ask myself: why do we need this deadline? It is not useful at all! However, this is not the proper mindset. Thus, I learned a lesson: the deadline can be useful in the way that it gets the best out of you and also makes you a better time manager.

In an almost miraculous fashion, we found another flight leaving at six PM and the project arrived in time in the USA. Not only that, but we also won the first prize! We learned from this event and when we participated again in 2015 we started work on the project much earlier. In this way we did not encounter the difficulties of last year’s experience.

This goes to show that there is a useful side to a deadline. While it might seem an obstacle at first, ultimately there is something to learn from it. And the feeling of beating the deadline is definitely special, at least for me!

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@SpaceX the Central Park paragraph is very nicely written: easy to follow, nice words. The Dr. Lee paragraph is quite undeveloped when compared to the first one. Still, great writing technique!

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@Grigoryeva The prompt is"Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better". Your first example might be classified as an obvious and unoriginal choice, but my using a personal example you made it better. However, I don’t find the second paragraph to relate to the prompt. You did not mention how the computer made your life easier. If I were you, I would focus more on how the internet helped you with the research.
All in all, great writing technique!

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@Dawn001 @Sharecentury @SpaceX @OptimisticLad @BethanyD @starwalker13

I am adding another essay; grades and feedback would be very much appreciated.

The prompt is: Does loyalty require unconditional support?

Loyalty can be expressed in many ways. I truly believe that all forms of loyalty not only require unconditional support, but are also synonymous with it.

One great example of loyalty can be found in my country’s past. At the end of the Battle of Independence, a small brigade of Romanian soldiers remained. These brave men were under attack, but they fought back in order to defend their flag. The flag if the country to which they were so loyal. The Romanian soldiers came out victorious. Their loyalty made fight heroically and support their country unconditionally.

There also suggestive examples of loyalty in many books. For example, in “The Mysterious Island” by Joules Verne, five Americans become stranded on a deserted territory in the Pacific Ocean. Out of these five, it is Cyrus Harding, an engineer, who earns the respect and the loyalty of the others. Upon landing on this island via a balloon, Harding is injured. Despite this he manages to command his fellow castaways who build the beginning of a mini-colony. After recovering, the engineer uses his vast knowledge to create a prosperous society. He could not have done it without the unconditional support of his loyal friends.

An emotional real life story is that of the dog Hachiko, later transformed into a successful movie. This dog in the akita breed was so loyal to his owner that it waited for him at the train station as he returned from work. And Hachiko did this every day. Then came one day when its owner passed away and did not return. Such was the love for its owner that the dog kept coming at the train station. And it did so for nine years. Hachiko loved and supported its owner unconditionally.

Loyalty cannot even exist without unconditional support. Whether it is defending your country and flag, following your leader or loving your owner, it is loyalty at the heart of it all.

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@UdeOsae 7 or 8. The introduction is weak and that makes a big difference. Good examples. The last sentence on each body paragraph links to the main point but the words are repetitive. “Unconditional”

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Please grade my essay!

PROMPT: Are good and bad decisions equally likely to have negative consequences?

Bad decisions are undoubtedly more likely to result in negative consequences. The label “bad”, in and of itself, provides a definite proof that a detrimental outcome can potentially occur. Pernicious behavior, in any aspect of life, will almost certainly breed harmful results

In the folktale “The Boy Who Cried Wolf,” a young boy cries for help from the people of his city by claiming that there is a predator, presumably a wolf, out to kill him. However, the villagers are bewildered when they notice that there is in fact no threat evident and that the boy is being equivocal for his own amusement. Later on, a hungry wolf does indeed come and visit the child, but when he pleads for help, all the townfolk deliberately ignore him as they have no time for the boys childplay. As can be seen in “The Boy Who Cried Wolf,” imprudent decisions will come back to haunt you. While bad decisions can be harmful on a personal standpoint, they can also be so on a much larger scale.

During the French-Vietnamese war, general Thomas Petersons ill-thought and uncautonary actions also lead to his downfall. When dispute arose between the opposing forces, a war was put in place in the midst of Greenwest Valley. At the time, in the peak of the cold harsh winter, it was snowing. Thomas Peterson, general of the French army, arrived at sunrise to raid the bunmkers of the Vietnamese forces. However, the French troops’ bright red coats made them largely visible amongst the clear white snow, and as a result the Vietnamese won the battle. As can be seen again, not taking every detail of a decision into account and acting on instinct rather than resoning can, and probably will, backfire.

After scrutinizing the events in the a French Vietnamese War and the folktale "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," it can be safely be said that bad decisions are indeed more likely to result in negative consequences.

Thank you

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@Beshara I honestly couldn’t understand the realationship between the prompt and the first argument. It doesn;t seem to me that what the boy did was a decision, it was simply an action. The second argument makes a little bit more sense in the context of the pormpt.

A few comments back I also posted an essay. Feel free to grade it!

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@UdeOsae I’d probably give it an 8. On a bad day, a 7.

Firstly, please know I’m going to be harsh and nit picky in order to make my criticism as constructive as possible.

Anyways, for starters I don’t like how your introduction is so short. Beef it up, and relate it to your ideas. Provide a counter argument, and disprove it. Do everything in your power to convince the reader that my point is unambiguously correct, and that no other opinion stands. Do not sound extreme. Try to find a good balance on the equilibrium of persuasiveness and downright lying to make your claim justifiable.

Some people say sprinkle advanced vocabulary over your essay; while I do agree, that should only be used when you’ve got down one of two things

  1. an advanced vocabulary in which you’ve used the words before
  2. perfect writing skills already

Also, vary your structure! You put lots and lots of periods and have repetitive sentence structure. Don’t repeat words, and make sure your own voice shines through the essay. Put in em-dashes, semicolons, commas etc.

You’ve got the skeleton figured out, now just make it seem alive :smiley:

BTW, to answer your question: his decision was lying to the townsfolk just to amuse himself, and he took that decision more than once.

If you dont mind, could you do the same for me?

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OK @Beshara , I am quite bad at grading, but by comparing yours to mine I would give you a 9.
-You sprinkled some nice words here and there, and this shows good vocabulary
-Good thing that your examples were from literature and history
-Link between the 2 arguments is a plus
Where to improve:
-maybe make it longer ( I saw that 12/12 essays are over 400 words in general)

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@Dawn001 @Sharecentury @SpaceX @OptimisticLad @BethanyD @starwalker13 @Beshara @HappinessXOX

I am back with another attempt of writing the perfect essay! :smiley:

Prompt: Are people overly influenced by unrealistic claims and misleading images?

Unrealistic claims and misleading images are abundant in our lives. Newspapers would publish unimaginable articles in order to increase sales. Television shows would display anything in order to make their viewers addicted. What the media is doing is abnormal: implanting misleading thoughts in our brains. This goes to show that there can be a negative side to unrealistic claims. However, I believe that when presented in the form of science fiction, these claims and images become useful.

Writers Joules Verne and Isaac Asimov were my childhood favorites. Two of the greatest science fiction writers ever, they often described plenty of unrealistic claims and images. However, they molded them in such a shape that they became intriguing, in a good way. Asimov’s robots, Verne’s submarine and rocket ship were extremely far-fetched ideas. At the time when they were written, they were utopias. Now they are realites. The science fiction genre was the spark to my thirst for knowledge and passion for science. I can honestly say that if I had not read the works of these writers, I probably would not have pursued the study of science in my short life so far. Therefore, the unrealism of these books had a benefic influence on my evolution.

When diving deeper into the creations of Jules Verne, we find examples of characters who accomplished great feats by thinking unrealistically. Such is the case in “The mysterious island”, where five Americans are deserted on a remote island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. One of the characters, Pencroft, was the big thinker. His plans seemed extremely unlikely to succeed at first, but his boldness to think big turned out to be useful. He dreamed of manufacturing guns and building railways, telegraphs and ships to sail across the ocean. When thinking that at first they could barely survive, these ideas sounded impossible. However, they had a positive influence on the evolution of the castaways. Pencroft, repeating his crazy wishes, planted a seed in the minds of his fellows: although it is unlikely, why not try it? Thus, Pencroft’s unrealistic way of thinking was a catalyst for him and his friends.

Sometimes unrealistic claims and images are used badly. But when used right, they motivate us to dream big and fulfill our dreams. The beneficial influence of thinking big and bold is priceless. The old saying “Shoot for the moon; even if you miss you will land among the stars” is definitely true in this context.

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Much better this could deserve a 4. (If timed I hope…)

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@UdeOsae I think this one is a 5. Good intro, conclusion, use of language, and examples. Last sentence of each body paragraph reconnects with thesis, and clear position. Great Job.

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Thank you @HappinessXOX and @SpaceX for your feedback! Finally I feel confident to tackle the essay section. May you succeed in all your endeavors.

You meant 5 out of 6 right? :smiley:

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@UdeOsae yea 5/6.

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Hi guys, I would greatly appreciate it if you could grade my essay out of 12, and if it is below a 10 please offer me advice on how to improve because I really want a 10+ essay :).

Prompt: Do all people need to be creative?

                    The presumption that all people need to be creative is a categorical truth. Although some proponents of creativity's uselessness would argue that creativity is only essential to artists, these idealistic critics are too peremptory in their provincial thinking. Creativity is a key ingredient in many professions of today, and drastically changed our world in the past. Two prominent archetypes that exemplify how important creativity is to all people are the Founding Fathers of the U.S. and scientists of all sorts.

                     The Founding Fathers were an important part of American history. They were American colonists under British control who grew to dream of freedom for their country. Fortunately, they did not just dream. These men held meetings with each other several times to discuss their common goal: Independence from Britain and freedom for America. With a lot of creativity, they came up with the idea to create a signed constitution that would guarantee the future citizens of America certain inalienable rights. The Constitution would also provide a fair deal to the British and effectively remove their presence from the country. To say that creativity was an important part of American history is an understatement. Without creativity, America would still be under the rigid control of the British void of basic rights.

                     Most people believe scientists to be total opposites to artists. Scientists use empirical evidence, while artists use observational evidence. Scientists are based on truth, whereas artists are based on opinion. But what many people fail to realize is that scientists use creativity as much as the next artist. In fact, the most successful scientists achieved their prominence through creativity and ingenious. New inventions are the product of creativity because the scientist who created the invention had to take "the path less taken". There was no precedent for the scientist, so he or she had to look at the problem from multiple angles, much like an artist does. Therefore, success in the science field largely depends on creativity rather than mere emulation.

                   In summation, all people need to be creative because the past shows great success from creativity, and the present can be improved when scientists use creativity and think outside the box. Thus, the belief that only artists need to be creative is a fallacy. Society and the modern world can change for good if everyone just had a bit more creativity.