<p>Month/Year: October 2012
Score: 12
Prompt: Do people need discipline to achieve freedom?
Length: Filled up 1 and 3/4 pages
Clarity/Quality: Examples were concise, I believe.
Vocab: Too much
Structure: Intro + 3 examples + conclusion
Examples Used: Framers of the constitution, Martin Luther King, Jr., going to college
Additional Comments: I must admit that I used quite a few vocab words incorrectly. Since I got a 12, we can learn three things from this. First, that the quality of the example doesn’t matter (people say to use novels, etc.). Second, the proper use of vocab also doesn’t matter. And third, the factual use of the examples also do not matter. I mixed up Malcolm X and W.E.B. DuBois on their descriptions and made up that they were accusatory. One more thing: I wanted to use sempiternal instead of eternal, but I wasn’t sure whether it was a word or not on test day. Oh well. I had fun using my vocab.</p>
<p>ESSAY: </p>
<p>All around us, we, as people of a sovereign nation, see freedom in its full plenipotentiary glory. But where has this freedom come from? It is the fruition of years of planning and protest, of our nation’s founding fathers, of our history of leadership. It is the distinct quality of discipline that led to the consummate ideals that billions of people live by quotidian.</p>
<p>With great cooperation comes great influence. Just ask the framers of the constitution, composed of fifty-five polyhistors with different bailiwicks. How are people with different weltanschauungs supposed to agree on such a monolithic topic? The chairman, George Washington, was called on before anyone else. People who did not tolerate the discussion simply walked out. Those with the strongest principles, and discipline, were the ones whose ideas were adopted into the ubiquitous freedom that the United States is renowned for.</p>
<p>Two hundred years later, another revolutionary event rises into play. African Americans, who were held by the fetters of a non-integrated society, strived to achieve an eternal freedom. Many activists, such as Malcolm X and W.E.B. DuBois were known for their intellectual papers and violent uprisings, respectively. But what these people lacked was the sheer foundation of discipline; their ways were accusatory and desultory. Not much was to be gained from their disorder. However, when a man of nonviolent protest, the epitome of discipline, rises into action, we see a change that Martin Luther King, Jr. has transpired for decades. This proves that discipline is the cornerstone of freedom, for these results would have never happened without it.</p>
<p>Freedom doesn’t even have to be on such a large scale to see the effects of discipline on it. Going to college is seen as one of the prevalent ways of escaping the bunker of homeliness. Individuality is often displayed as such, and the only way people go to college and live a life of solitude is through persistent discipline.</p>
<p>While the effects may seem surreptitious, throughout history a multitudinous amount of events have displayed the impetus of discipline causing freedom. Whether it is the establishment of a country, a removal of a law, or even the journey of life, the keynote process remains the same. And that is because with discipline comes freedom.</p>
<p><<WELTANSCHAUUNG</p>
do you suggest using sophisticated language incorrectly or using kinda simple language correctly?</p>![http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/804/satessay1.jpg/]Page](http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/804/satessay1.jpg/%5DPage){kind=link}
![http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/692/satessay2a.jpg/]Page](http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/692/satessay2a.jpg/%5DPage){kind=link}
