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[quote]
I found out in January that my daughter didn't have a text book for a year-long class
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Situations like this are exactly the reason we buy the textbooks for the kids. I know they would be tempted to try to share them... or use the reserve in the library... or just take a class not buying any books at all. And exactly because the long work hours would interfere with their studies and social life, I wouldn't want them to have to work more hours in order to buy the books. DS3 actually tells us that he could manage with just using the reserve books in the library all semester long (he does it anyway for the first two or three weeks, while awaiting for internet-purchased books to arrive). We don't think it's a good idea...</p>
<p>But that actually does not matter a little bit. Those same kids will have to buy textbooks whether they go to a privare or to a public college, so I don't really understand what you are trying to tell here.</p>
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[quote]
You mentioned a fraternity initiation dinner. There is no way that either of my kids would spend money on joining a fraternity --- that is simply the sort of unnecessary expense that they would totally avoid.
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There are no expences in DS's fraternity, the students just change their meal and housing plans. Otherwise, I don't think DS would join. Actually, I believe that his only monetary interaction with the fraternity was... getting a $100 check covering part of the textbook expences. :)</p>
<p>I don't think that a comment about "costing nothing" would shatter any of my kids. Sure, there are people for whom many things "cost nothing", so what? Maybe, our kids are just used to this fact of the life, so it does not matter for them. We live like that all our live (I don't know what you mean by "truly poor", but our family finances do put the kids into Pell grant range). And they definitely do not "get regular checks from home"</p>
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[quote]
It's not a matter of feeling "resentment" -- it's a matter of feeling left out. What amazes me about these posts is the lack of empathy -- the assumption that if the kids aren't complaining, it doesn't matter.
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Huh? I just told you that I had several talks with the kids on that topic - wanted to help them to deal with the supposedly humiliating situation. In fact, yesterday I asked one of them again - and got the same answer. The disparity exists, but it does not matter for him (and mostly, he does not notice it). Maybe it's (as epiphany noticed) that most of the activities on campus are free or close to that; maybe it's that he (like marite's son) would not even think of spending extra money on food when he already has the meal plan paid for; maybe he (like garland's kids) do not hang with people who do social things they can't afford... I guess, that's exactly what I called "self-segregation"; and it is not necessarily segregation by wealth, just by the interests. </p>
<p>But one way or another, that is the fact: our kids do not feel miserable, left out or inadequate in their respective colleges. Their friends do not seem drastically different from their sister's friends in her public uni. And anyway, there is a lot of much more interesting things going on for them there, so I doubt they will ever have time to brood over some phrase their unsuspecting wealthy friend might have let slip from his tongue... </p>
<p>Like marite said: some do resent the existing difference. Others don't. :)</p>
<p>Or, if you don't like the word "resentment", for some kids it does matter. For others it does not.</p>