Dog, yes it is cold out. It isn’t warmer at 12:05 than it was at 12:00. Not warmer at 12:20. Or 12:30. Still cold at 1, at 2:20, at 2:22, and still cold at 2:35. Cold. It will be cold tomorrow too.
Learn to pee faster.
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I hate when I re-read a post and realize I made stupid typos.
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As an old-timer on this site, I gotta say: This thread is the best.
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My daughter is officially old. The newest American Girl Historical doll is from 1999, my daughter was playing with American Girl dolls at that time. (Oh, and I must be ancient now.)
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My opinion of you has completely changed. You are proud of the fact that despite your $96,000+ salary as a HS teacher (and yes I looked it up because it is public information), you are making over $2,000 a week tutoring - cash only - not declaring that income and not paying any taxes on it. And then you say - let the IRS go after the big tax cheats like Trump not the poor teachers like me!
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I just want to pay off a debt to feel like we are getting ahead. I have been patient for the last 15 months. And I can’t believe you didn’t remember that the loan wasn’t 0.0%.
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76 degrees in February. What a treat for the mid-Atlantic.
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I am out of town with a week of PTO for the birth of a grandchild and responsible for the care of his 4 year old sister. You know this as you approved my time off. So why is it you call me, and when I don’t answer your call, you text for me to call you? You want to do my yearly review over the phone and say it will only take 5 minutes. I am not at work and don’t want to spend a minute while I am with my family discussing my performance. When I tell you I am at the hospital, your reply is to call as soon as I can. You could have done this Friday before I left or when back in the office on Tuesday. My days off have been on the books for over 2 months. 
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Sit on your team’s side. Across from your kid’s team. Stop planting yourself in the middle of the opposing team’s fans and talking smack about our kids.
So a small crew of hardworking guys are at our house replacing our downstairs AC unit.
My teen S (who does online high school) came out out for a break and started conversing with a couple of them. Next thing I know they are all having an animated conversation about life, ADHD, sleep, computers, streaming, anime, relationships, etc.
While their work was delayed a tiny bit (one was still working but another was more distracted by my S) I was pleased to observe spontaneous guy bonding over a variety of subjects.
They even told him they are hiring if he wants to apply and work PT. 
Life is good.
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Xfinity, we spent 30 minutes on the phone last night trying to resolve outage for one tv that was created when you had service disruption late yesterday afternoon. Other two sets work fine and the impaired one works on HDMI2 for Amazon FireStick. You scheduled service technician for Sunday afternoon and yet advanced tech support calls today wanting me to do a variety of things to see if issue can be resolved and avoid tech visit. Young woman was clearly half a world away and we had some difficulty communicating. I explained situation and spent 15 minutes trying to play nice before I finally told her to send Xfinity tech on Sunday because I was working remotely for someone else and I didn’t work for Xfinity. I think she was surprised at my thought process, but she held to the script through all 3 times of me asking how long process would take before I said I was done. Long story with same ending as usual - I hate Xfinity customer support/service about 75% of the time or more 
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I suddenly realized today that I forgot the day I met my daughter in China–2/4/98. It passed when I was wheezing so bad. I am disappointed in myself for missing it. The beginning of when my life went from black and white to technicolor! I love my girl, and I am so glad I get to share her with her amazing fiance!
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That sense of relief when you finally mute someone on Nextdoor!
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SO TIRED of butthole Tesla drivers driving like buttholes in my area. KNOCK IT OFF! YOU ALL ACT LIKE A BUNCH OF POO POO HEADS! And yes, if you are driving a Tesla, I am totally judging you.
And I do not care if you don’t like that.
Just stop cutting people off. Stop causing car accidents. Stop weaving in and out of traffic. Stop speeding.
STOP BEING A BUTTHOLE ON THE ROAD!
That is all.
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You two. My god what a bunch of needless arguing
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After our last delightful experience being your guest, you can best believe it will be a cold day before we join you again.
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An ode to Gary the Gopher:
Oh little gopher, you butthead named Gary
How I wish that you were really a lizard named Larry.
You moved into my yard
Went mining, made tunnels
Produced cute little mounds where once the ground was just hard.
I know you’re no rat
I’ve seen your chunky round bod
And short gopher tail
I just wish you wouldn’t eat my grass that’s making you fat.
My nosy neighbor complained to the HOA about my bamboo that she thought was a tree
They even sent a love note, said, “No green things should hang over the fence!”
But alas, it does appear that the rules only apply to me
Since, for months now, her palm tree hangs over, it defies common sense.
So now I make sure that my green things stay here. Proper and prim on the correct side of the fence.
Even though her tree hangs over HER very own back fence.
It’s become something I very much abhor.
So this, dear Gary, I just ask…Why can’t you go mining and exploring next door?
Or please…pretty please…do also consider the wash
It’s a big beautiful wash
Full of wide open spaces.
Where you and your wife and your little ones may thrive.
Would you please oh please just stop tunneling under my drive?
I saw just the other day that you tried out the taste of my tree.
The fig, to which you did dig.
Now listen, you fat little twerp,
Stay away from that fig.
May its sap itch your skin and your mouth and your toes.
And yes, even your annoying itty bitty nose.
It’s all my fault, I now see.
I’ve built quite the nice habitat for thee.
A backyard with luscious trees and yummy grass to eat.
You’ve even found my sweet potatoes to be quite the treat
You now treat my backyard like the pig’s palace cafe
Where you bring your wife, Gladys, your kids, Gabe, Grant, and Gabby, almost every Sunday.
So go ahead, eat, have your fill,
add on a new bedroom if you will
Because some day, one day, it’ll be judgement day for you, you little sucker,
Because I am going to assassinate you since I am one mean bad mother trucker.
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Apparently, it’s “turn signal optional Sunday.” I can’t read your minds, folks.
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Can someone explain algorithms to me ?
A few days ago, I saw an ad on FB which features a very cute dress for my GD. Now after searching all over various websites, I can’t find it and the ad has not popped up again.
Meanwhile the same FB suggests the group devoted to “Charles Manson” as something I might be interested in!
WTH ???