<p>Would it have killed you to have had the initiative to think of me for a change?</p>
<p>And your ****y "Why haven't we talked about this before now?" BS on the phone isn't helping your case.</p>
<p>In response to a small group of immature, insecure, vicious, petty, jealous, and backstabbing fellow female graduating seniors who instigated a write-in campaign to nominate and select my academically higher-ranking, socially poised, good-natured, genuinely modest, well-mannered daughter as the "Most Shy" female member of their graduating class, I offer the following advice:</p>
<p>To the bottle blonde with the garish makeup: Dolly Parton says, "You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!" Parton doesn't look cheap. You do. Save your money.</p>
<p>To the skin-tight jeans queen: Spend your money. Underwear is affordable! (Check out the local 99 cents store.)</p>
<p>To the micro-mini fashionista: Either follow the above advice or wipe your chair before you leave the room.</p>
<p>To the form-fitting/see-through top model: Two words: Wardrobe malfunction.</p>
<p>To the bimbette with the "#### Me Shoes" and the ankle bracelet: As long as there's a sidewalk, honey, you'll have a job.</p>
<p>To the walking billboard for the local tattoo/piercing parlor: Amy Winehouse is a high-profile professional performance artist with colossal musical talent. What's your excuse?</p>
<p>To the braggart: You were born with a fixed number of hair follicles. Your scalp is starting to show.</p>
<p>To the gossip: Sorry. There is no Kitty Kelley Scholarship.</p>
<p>To the whiner: Classmates stopped buying tickets to your phony pity party years ago.</p>
<p>To the multiple airheads: Is it more convenient for you to share a brain? </p>
<p>To the brownnoser: Consider a toilet paper dispenser as your fashion accessory of choice.</p>
<p>To the loudmouth: Credibility is inversely proportional to volume. (Ask any used car salesman.) </p>
<p>To the garbagemouth: Ralphie Parker prefers Lux, and finds that Palmolive has "a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor--heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness." </p>
<p>To the showoff: Two words: Hermione Granger.</p>
<p>To the cheater: You are definitely future CEO material. (How will you look in stripes???) </p>
<p>To the cutthroat competitor: Once you reach the top of the ladder, remember that the ladder will be held steady (or not) by the people at the bottom--the people with the long memories and your shoeprints on their faces.</p>
<p>To the arrogant Snob School admit: Think you know it all? Guess what? Your fellow incoming freshmen college classmates think they know it all, too. Enjoy the pressure cooker.</p>
<p>To the bitter Snob School reject: Even if you had been admitted, your mommy and daddy still wouldn't have let you leave the nest. Everybody knows it's Local U for you!</p>
<p>Face it, Little Girls--my daughter is on her way to bigger places and better things than your snootier-than-thou backwater burg's high school and its emotional substance-free social scene. I moved my daughter here for the academics; once she graduates, we're outta here. Months from now, my daughter will be too busy and too happy to think twice about you; she won't even remember your names. As Scarlett O'Hara would say, I hope you're all "pea-green with envy."</p>
<p>The reason it's called a holiday is because you are NOT supposed to work!!</p>
<p>To the historical society who passed my son over for the scholarship, even though he had better grades, better recs and a better essay than the person/people you picked ... how DARE you invite him as a struggling student to a scholarship benefit costing hundreds of dollars a plate? Are you NUTS?!?! Is he not good enough for your scholarship, but good enough to take money from? You might have somebody in charge of the mailing list so you don't solicit money from poor students who you earlier rejected. Sheesh.</p>
<p>to all my peers at this stupid boarding school: just because you're wizzing through calc II in all of a month with a really easy A doesn't mean people that got a C in calc taking it over the course of a full semester are dumb. I can't wait until you run into a challenge and you are truly unprepared as to how to overcome it, because everything has always been easy for you. I worked my ass off for my C and can take pride in it. I wish I could look at you and hope the best for you, but when you're constantly talking about how you don't know what you would be doing in Calc EXCEPT getting an A, I can't help but dream of the day when you fail out of med school. </p>
<p>oh, and YES, i will be happy if I'm "only" a stay-at-home dad five years from now because being a father truly is a dream of mine.</p>
<p>To the high school boyfriend of almost two years: Thank you so much for waiting until 11pm on Memorial Day to break up with my daughter by phone...you inconsiderate little jerk. Could you not have called earlier in the weekend? Could you not have contained yourself for a few more weeks until school was over? But as long as you are happy...hey, that's what it's all about...always. </p>
<p>I would be very disappointed in my kids if they treated others this way.</p>
<p>No I am not embarrassed and neither is my college kid who got a dorm award for having the most helpful parents. It was sweet and someone has to send homemade treats. It beats getting the most beercans award. And no, it isn't any of your business what her grades are. Why does it make you feel better to know that your kids have higher grades? Like we haven't known that since kindergarten? Shut up already.</p>
<p>How can you be so smart and yet so CLUELESS?????!!!!!!?!? Sometimes, I want to throttle you!</p>
<p>To all posters:
I have discovered how theraputic it is to type in and then delete things that someone could trace back to you..... just be very careful that you hit delete!</p>
<p>Dear "______________________________"
and nobody can trace it back to me.</p>
<p>To the people who live above us in our apartment building....</p>
<p>What's with the all-day, constant banging and drilling?</p>
<p>Are you putting in a pool?</p>
<p>To the high school superindendant-- I won't be shedding any tears when you leave after this year. I didn't say anything when you ridiculed my son for high-fiving the boy next to him after being inducted into the National Honor Society last year. It's OK for the girls to hug each other but a boy can't high five another boy! You've always favored the girls in this school. I let that comment go. Tonight, at the Academic Awards Ceremony you screwed up again. When you read off the list of seniors who earned the President's Education Award for Outstanding Academic Excellence (students who maintained a 90 or above average throughout high school and scored at or above the 85% on the SAT), you somehow mistakingly skipped over my son's name. He sat there while you managed to correctly read off every other name on the list and have them individually walk up to receive their honor. Once again, you screwed him. You "forgot" to read off his name so he sat there thinking he didn't earn the award. Somehow, after the ceremony was over and my husband and I and his grandmother left, you miraculously "found" his award stuck to another paper. Thanks a lot.</p>
<p>For all my talk of feminism and equality, I worry sometimes that I really am a silly, stupid, superficial girl whose thoughts never amount to much.</p>
<p>Dear Town in which my Mother Works: For the love of God, vote for the tax override. You all moan and whine about inflation, but refuse to adjust your town's educational funds to account for that same problem. And then you whine about how your schools are underfunded and how you have to pay $300 for one season of sports? You're giving my mother a migraine so bad she's had to resort to Ben & Jerry's... twice. Because you all reproduced like Irish rabbits, the high school classes are gigantic: my mom can't make her peers teach 6 classes every day, each with 25 or more kids! They would be able to have smaller classes, but they couldn't afford to hire any more teachers. Get over yourselves, vote for the override, and make do with $200 less next year. Maybe if you'd give up that Krispy Kreme donut every day, it wouldn't seem as bad.</p>
<p>And I hate that the stupid rich suburb nearby has authorized that horrifying Taj Mahal of a high school, because you're making everyone else queasy of the overrides that our teachers desperately need!</p>
<p>Do you honestly believe the awful things you write in your posts? Or do you say these things just to be controversial? I don't know which is more vile. It's bad enough reading the nasty things posted by someone who is young and still in the process of forming their attitudes/opinions/knowledge base, but to read similar comments from adults is sad/disturbing/infuriating, and ultimately, very disappointing.</p>
<p>Suitemate: I am so glad the year is over. This entire year, you were inconsiderate and rude by practicing your instrument at odd hours of the night on weekdays. Yes, I know you're in a band, and I know you need to practice. But there are soundproof practice rooms for a reason, and why did people around you have to suffer because you were too lazy to cross the street to use them? (And yes, we suffered even when you were practicing at reasonable hours.) Furthermore, it confounds me that you needed to practice so late at night so often.</p>
<p>I don't know why it was so hard for you to understand that no one enjoys listening to others practicing at top volume (the I-want-the-back-of-the-concert-hall-to-hear-me kind) at 2 in the morning. While you're by no means the only irresponsible jerk out there, your obnoxious attitude did put a damper on my year, since I lost too many nights of sleep listening to you practice.</p>
<p>Perhaps I played a part in enabling you because I didn't bring this issue to the RA, but I had really hoped that students at a good school would be smart and socially responsible. I guess that was asking too much.</p>
<p>sry im trying to get the money back i promise it will be there just hold on a little longer. it will be there before i leave.</p>
<p>We thought we had considered all the pitfalls. We tried to nurture you enough to get past them. We're stunned that you found the one that we would have never even thought to worry about to be the one you stumbled over. Hang on baby, we're trying....</p>
<p>You are an jackaxx, a bigot trying to pass off as a wit and the witless laugh at your antics. I have enough of your hatred and twisted arguments. You just said something vile again and I thought no wonder your wife left you, even when you had cancer. You are a jerk when your are healthy and when you were sick I am sure you were still a jerk. You are vile.</p>
<p>Am I the only person in this house who knows where things are???? come on try a little harder, I am sure you will find whatever it is that you need.</p>
<p>dear neighbors, your dandelion garden aka your lawn looks fabulous. I'm really glad it rained hard yesterday, and I will be praying for more rain so your dandelions will not have a chance in h*ll to spread their seeds into my garden. So if you hate rain, go mow your lawn. I'll pray for sunshine then. And, BTW, that blooming thing is NOT a flower. It is a noxious weed, and by law you are required to eradicate it!</p>