<p>You're the boss. I'm the assistant. You make 4 times as much money as I do. So why am I the one doing your job? Why do I have to take the lead on everything? Why do I feel responsible if our dept looks like fools? For heavens sake, get off your butt and earn your salary!</p>
<p>Please stop blaming Dad for things that aren't his fault. When you blame him for losing his job when he threw out his back, you sound cruel. When you start blaming him for giving my brother and I a relatively harmless blood disorder, you just start sounding crazy. I know the divorce was messy, but get over it. You may be paying for college alone at the moment, but at least you have money to do so: he doesn't even have a job. Couldn't you show a little mercy, considering his late alimony payments are the result of needing to get food? You already get half of his pension...</p>
<p>Dear Potential Employer: S spent many hours preparing for your interview. He left here in a new shirt, drove two hours (plus gas), arrived 10 minutes early, and by your account had a great interview. Despite your assurances that you'd be in touch by "Wednesday" for this "immediate" hire, your timeline for notifying applicants of the outcome has come and gone. Thank you letter, phone calls & emails unreturned. Well bud, we know a few folks in your neck of the woods and apparently you'd already promised the job to your neighbor's kid and you "had to go thru the motions to satisfy company policy". You knew all along, you got S hopes up with a big rah-rah and a "looking forward to working with you kid!" How ethical of you. Oh, congrats on your kid's placement with your town agency, isn't your neighbor related to the commissioner? Water rises to its own level - clearly you're in the shallow end of the gene pool.</p>
<p>Dear apartment,</p>
<p>I have spring-cleaned you several times, and have donated many bins of clothing and household goods in order to try to get all of our belongings to actually fit into your less-than-a-thousand square feet. You know I hate mess. When I first moved in, you failed to accommodate my stuff with your lack of closets. With a lot of communication and some tears, we moved past that. Then, when DH and I got married and he brought in all of his stuff, you cooperated even less. It took quite a while to rearrange you to get everything arranged with your highly inefficient floorplan. Now, when I'm trying to fit all of my late grandmother's heirlooms, plus everything that I needed to remove from my parents' houses after the divorce so that they may each move, you're flatly refusing to take any more.</p>
<p>I know. I know I'm asking a lot of you, little apartment, but we have to work together to make this work. We're a team here, apartment.</p>
<p>If only you would just develop a linen closet for me, I would be so happy.</p>
<p>dear b.,</p>
<p>it kind of hurts that you never reply to my emails. i get that you're the most responsible intern in the world and can't imagine ever checking personal email at work, but it'd be really nice if you could manage it in your free time every other week at least-- & write a sentence or two, or bring it up with me later that day, or anything like that. i don't even email you that often.</p>
<p>love,
e.</p>
<p>dear cameliasinensis,</p>
<p>cheer up, sleep more, & worry less. you'll be happier.</p>
<p>love,
your more rational self</p>
<p>To the Dad of D's best friend. You rarely see your D. She knows it. So why are you calling me asking if I will take your D overnight when she comes home from being away for a week. For once put your child first.
Especially since she is well aware that the reason she is out of town staying with a cousin while her Mom is away is due to the fact you her Dad are not willing to step up to the plate to take care of her.
What message does it send when her Mom trusts your 18 yr old son to watch his sister more then she trusts you.
I am really proud of myself for at least telling you NO. I will pick the girls up at the airport but will drop your D off at her house as arranged with her Mom. (my youngest D went to the cousin's with her friend) You will have to change your plan to be out of town with your psycho girlfriend.</p>
<p>You have to stop what you are doing. Seriously. He gave you the key when you guys were together, now that you are not, you cannot use that key anymore. Going to his house while he is not there IS NOT ON! Taking stuff you gave him during your relationship IS NOT ON! It is breaking and entering! Or if not, it is some kind of similar crime. You are going into his house without permission, you can't do that! And those things you gave him when you were together are his things now. You gave them to him. You can't just take them back. What happens if he catches you in his house? What if he calls the police again? Seriously, you have to let it go cos he is NOT worth it. I know you are angry but if you get caught doing this, you could end up with a criminal record. Your anger will fade with time but a criminal record is permanent.</p>
<p>And stop being mad at your parents. I know you really want that puppy but a puppy is a big expense and committment and they are right that you should wait and think it through. A puppy is a new family member, not an impulse buy. What if you get buyer's remorse? Who suffers then? That little furball you just <em>had</em> to have. That dog will need 12-15 years of food and health care, not to mention exercise, training, socialisation, grooming, love and companionship. Once you bring that dog into your home, you will owe him all those things. When you make that committment to an animal, make it with a clear mind. Don't make such a big decision on a whim because you are feeling lonely. Go and hug the dog you already have. </p>
<p>Please stop and think about what you are doing. We are all worried about you.</p>
<p>Btw, thank you to whoever started this thread. It is very therapeutic!</p>
<p>Dear Boss,
I am bright, hardworking, and you didn't have to pay me. All I wanted to do was understand the challenges and the rewards of working in an organization such as this. I don't really understand what you thought I would learn by stapling papers; naturally, the art of paper stapling was not discussed at our interview. From the couple of other things I did do, I have concluded that this work is slow-paced, easy, and boring. I can't help but wonder if you are at fault for my newfound insight or if I am actually correct. In any case, I don't have all the time in the world to do non-paid internships at non-profits. I guess I will be just another statistic for a cool NYT article.</p>
<p>Hello Dolly,</p>
<p>Go away! I gave up floor seats at a Neil Diamond concert to attend my aunt's 90th birthday party, and your presence will probably keep me from going down there now. Should have kept my tickets.</p>
<p>To the folks who filed that humongous patent application: may the examiners have a field day with your 349 (!!!) pages of it and reject all of your claims!</p>
<p>The boy you dated 2 weeks ago has MONO????</p>
<p>Dear Body:
Not letting me sleep for another 2 hours when I go to bed after 3am is beyond a joke. Tonight I'd like to get asleep earlier. Kthx.</p>
<p>Dear Dublin Jobs Market:
You suck. All I wanted was something to keep me ticking over for the summer. Now there's only 6 weeks left until term starts and I'll find nothing at this stage.</p>
<p>Dear old boss:
Send me my tax documents. Please. I can't go on welfare for the summer without it, and it's been over 4 weeks. That's just taking the ****.</p>
<p>Dear Mom:
Stop filling the fridge with cream cakes when I'm on a diet. Just because you are skinny as hell and eat what you want doesn't mean I can.</p>
<p>Car Designers:</p>
<p>Re-design your cars. Add bumpers that don't cost $1,000 to fix. Add bumpers that allow you to bump, that's what they're for. Bring back rubber bumpers!</p>
<p>To my soon to be senior son,</p>
<p>I enjoyed our college road trip but now that we are home, you need to get out of bed before noon, do the jobs you have commited to, stop playing on the %^&*& computer, study for the ACT and show me that you will actually be the young man I know that you are capable of. I need to know that your father and I will not be throwing money down a toilet by sending you away to school.. I raised you to be independent but suddenly I have at times what appears to suddenly be an immature five year old that I want to punt across the room. Would it kill you to just one day follow through completely. Tomorrows, I think is going to be a "Mom's Day Off."</p>
<p>To the Bad Girl Scouts,</p>
<p>We had a wonderful time working on the first part of the Marian section, but whe we got to the private country club that so gracious was allowing us to visit their grotto, did the six of you have to act so bad that the rest of us wanted to crawl in a hole. Had you at 12 years old never been to a restaurant? Does your mothers let you dance and shimmy in front of restaurants, I am sorry that you think I am misguided when I feel that self-respecting young ladies do not do that, nor do they scream on golf cart rides while viewing a Marian grotto. But most of all thanks for putting me in the position that I had to discipline you to the point of upsetting my own daughter. She believed that you nasty MEAN GIRLS would take it out on her at camp!</p>
<p>To their mothers,</p>
<p>Your popular darlings eat like dogs in restaurants, call waitresses names and are very rude. First on your agenda should be manners, second should be the reminder that the world is not revolving around them. Lastly, please remind them, I have a seventeen year old son so nothing they do to me will ever come close to him.</p>
<p>Hey thanks..... nobody is listening to me here :)</p>
<p>Please, people, control your emotionalism. The death of a young person is heart-wrenching and tragic, but you need to be careful about what you say because of the impressionable youth who will read your words. Not everyone who dies unexpectedly is a hero. 100% of the human race dies eventually, so simply dying does not qualify one as a hero. And, no matter how painful suicide is for those left behind, please do not try to assuage your pain by claiming that the person who just killed him/herself was brave and courageous. Think about it. Does a brave person opt out of life? No. But even if you really think s/he was brave, when you extol him/her for that "virtue", you may be encouraging other unstable teenagers who think they're nobodies to kill themselves too--just so everyone will say they're a brave hero.</p>
<p>I hate sleepovers with young teenage girls.
To my d's friend- Doesn't your family ever feed you at home?</p>
<p>Yes, I am a conservative evangelical Protestant, but I live in the same world you live in and don't appreciate being patronized as if I couldn't possibly understand the things that you understand. And by the way, I'm not Jerry Falwell, either. I have never criticized you, insulted your religion, or been anything but kind to you. I'd appreciate the same respect.</p>
<p>Please reply to my e-mail. Our last conversation left me with a very different impression than my D has about your D's participation in the apartment. We'd like a definite answer so we can finalize plans.</p>
<p>You are so ungrateful, sometimes I just want to shake you. </p>
<p>The last 18 months have been all about your wedding and I know it's a big deal, but be gracious about it. Don't complain to me that people didn't stick to the registry and you've ended up with gifts you didn't ask for. That's not the point of a gift. Those items might not be on your list but people close to you spent time and money choosing a gift they thought you'd enjoy. They were given with love. Accept them graciously. I mean, who sulks because someone buys them an electric wok? If you really can't use the gifts, there are many charitable organisations that could put them to good use.</p>
<p>And by the way, I bought you that weekend away because I thought you would enjoy it. I didn't want my gift ending up in the pile of "undesirable items that weren't on my wish list". So I spent quite a bit of time choosing a B&B I thought you'd enjoy, so you could have a nice weekend away in the wine country after the wedding was over. All you had to do was say thank you, we had a great time. I mean, did you not know what a B&B is? Were you expecting a 5-star hotel? If you had compaints about it, you could have vented those to someone else. To complain to me about the gift I gave you just makes you look incredibly ungracious. Thanks a lot. You can be sure I won't be putting as much effort into your birthday present.</p>