<p>I don’t need sam spears. I want this anxiety to dissipate, to obliterate into the atmosphere and forever distance itself from my world. My world is a pinch of anxiety upon a sea of potential happiness. Josh is an ungrateful little twit who doesn’t deserve the energy it would require for a vicious blow to the face. I didn’t want to go to splish splash, especially not with him. I need betther griends, excluding Mike. Mike iiiis always there for me and I appreciate him. Im going to get over this anxiety. I can’t believe it has hindered me for such an extended period of time. I have to release my emotions from time to time. This ongoing cycle of repression has seen its last sunset. I need to be freer. Im starting to feel freer, and yet I’m still genuinely sad. Sad that even an ungrateful jerk like Josh couldn’t appreciate my generiosity, friendliness, and commitment to aiding his happiness. I’m even more disappointed that I’ve invested such time into a person who doesn’t deserve a singular breath. Hours upon hours developing something that was doomed from the outset. I know I can swallow. I’m confident I can swallow. I wish the process wasn’t so mechanical, so stilted. I want to meet the people I think about. Observing from a distance is no longer a practice I will engage in. To be honest, observing from a distance could be a metaphor for my entire life. But I’m grateful for my shortcomings. Really. When it’s all said and done, when this transformation is complete, I will be happy. And this is the kind of happiness that never relents, ceasing to defer back to the emotional rollercoaster that has defined me for years and years. I want to no longer be afraid to speak to anyone. We only live once, but the way Ilve lived you would think life is some eternal disease. A mindset where engage with no human souls. My mantra has been to learn about no one and instead, save all that learning for academic matter. It sickens me that I’m the onlooker while everyone else is living. I’m the waterpark attendant that watches everyone fall down the slides. Luckily, my journey has just begun. Wish me luck, help me to complete this drastic transformation.</p>
<p>Just spent an hour on the phone with parents. Both are (blessedly) still perfectly lucid and up to date - help me get over the fact that they are totally focused on the sib and his family who are local. Yes, that different-generation grandkid is younger and doing cuter things than my 20 somethings. Shouldn’t they at least ask what their other grandkids are doing? I did my time as a soccer mom and really don’t want to repeat it in absentia. Did they even know when my (8 states away) kid even had a soccer game? They sure never asked. I’m totally about hearing about sib’s health and job worries… did they ask about mine? That dicey pathology report I was worried about - so did they remember it? Came back not so good. Thanks for asking.</p>
<p>Hello dimwit. Waving vigorously at my blind kid is STILL not going to help her see you. Don’t walk away in a snit because she didn’t acknowledge you. Geez, she’s desperate for friends, even complete morons like you.</p>
<p>Mr driver of a silver snooty sporty car WA lic. plate 159-W**: you are an A-hole. No, make that a Certified A-hole. You are welcome.</p>
<p>Honey, you are in denial. We need to put the dog down.</p>
<p>To the person with the vanity plate “AboveU”. My s took a picture of your plate as we drove by b/c he couldnt believe someone was so arrogant. And your car was pretty lame, to boot. A low end mustang is nothing special.</p>
<p>Seriously, if you are going to leave customers on hold for an hour, do not play some awful tune that could be used for torture. Either play real music or just let me stew in silence. So glad you sincerely appreciate my patience.</p>
<p>To stores that play REALLY LOUD music- Look at who is shopping at ten am, its usually NOT teenagers, but grownup types, and blasting horrible music just drives us out of the store.</p>
<p>I hate how you make the excuse of not taking the SATs, or actually getting good grades, because you say that you can only go to community college because your parents simply can’t afford it. Your family take $33,000 round-trips “paradise vacations” to your “native country” fall, winter, and summer, and that’s not even the last of it.</p>
<p>Thank you for never sending my kids a valentine, birthday card or anything. Thank you for never coming to see them in the hospital when they were born, or any birthday party, school event, graduation, piano recital or holiday. I realize that they were only girls. Thanks for never inviting us to your house. Thanks for calling five minutes before you were supposed to show up at our house for Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter to say that you weren’t feeling well. I had such a good time explaining that one to the kids and any other guests we had. Thanks for your support when I had cancer and spent 90% of my time puking in the bathroom while my 3-and 7 year-olds took care of themselves.Thanks for saying “No” when your son called you and asked if you could come over and play or read to them while I took a nap after chemo. </p>
<p>I hope you got a lot of mileage out of those rosary beads.</p>
<p>They say, “What goes around, comes around.” I sincerely hope so.</p>
<p>How does an entire state manage not to have a sense of humor? I like it here, but I miss being able to joke around with people. I’m getting tired of saying something obviously silly and seeing people’s eyes glaze over.</p>
<p>I don’t want to hear it today. You “had” to go to work on Sunday to catch up on paperwork on your desk. Yet thanks to facebook I can see where you posted on our mutual co-workers wall while you were at work. Overtime for facebooking? Give me a break.</p>
<p>I know this thread is for parents, but it looks like it feels good, so. . . </p>
<p>To my Dad: I was sorting through an old box today and discovered a card you wrote to me when I was 14. You said, "I forgive you for everything you have done, and don’t want the mistakes you made yesterday to get in the way of my love for you. Even though you have done some really horrible things over the years. . . " Seriously? I was a straight A student, was named teen of the year in our town, had 500 community service hours, wrote for local publications, was an editor on my school paper, and was accepted to USC, NYU, Dartmouth, and UCLA, all while being raised by a single parent. Yeah, really, I’m SO sorry to have brought you so much trouble. Even if I HAD been the worst kid ever, I was just 14!!! And to think that I’ve been feeling guilty for cutting off communication with you. You didn’t even tell me you were dating someone, and then just sprung it on me that you’d be getting married in a month or two! And then, surprise, she’s pregnant! And then, the week after my graduation, surprise again! Your grandma’s had alzheimer’s for the past year, so that’s why the Birthday cards stopped coming. You expected me to share all of my life with you, but told me nothing about yours. When I was 12, you drove me around town and made me miss my first dance performance as a company member, while my family was looking or me and nobody knew where to find me. You told me it was my fault that we didn’t have a good relationship, causing me to run out of a restaurant crying! And then wen I brought it up a few days later and said that it really hurt my feelings, you SAID YOU DIDN’T REMEMBER! Well I will never forget. Then when I turned 15 and wanted to get my learner’s permit, you refused to sign the paperwork because you didn’t want me to drive. Oh, and by the way, thanks for chipping in to pay for school-- not. My Mom works so hard to pay for my education, and is the most amazing, strong woman I know. And you, are a stranger. I will never ever feel guilty for not talking to you again. And thanks for not giving me a birthday present this year. And thanks for saying you’d be at my graduation and then not showing up. Thanks for letting me down every single time. But you know what? I’m over it. I feel nothing towards you, and never will feel anything. And when our eventual run-in happens as life necessitates that it will, I will look at you as a stranger, who’s MO I understand. Bye.</p>
<p>To anyone who ever ignored a submission from me: Watch this!
<em>goes off and grabs life by the horns</em></p>
<p>To the boy (you know who you are): Seriously? You have the nerve to contact me after 2 months of no talking, and be all casual like nothing happened? Get over yourself, you’re not that hot. We are sooooooooo done.</p>
<p>To anyone who ever made me feel meek, or took advantage of my niceness: Thank you. Seriously, thank you for making me realize that I need to be more aggressive sometimes. Thank you for showing me that, in order to accomplish what I want and contribute good, I must sometimes be a fighter. Maybe I need to be a little bit more crazy, a bit more rebellious, to get what I’m supposed to out of life.</p>
<p>To myself: Stop caring about what people think of you. You don’t need them to validate your choices. That little voice inside your head is enough. Now let go, and don’t hesitate. Just jump in with both feet. You’re in the only city where crazy is okay.</p>
<p>: )</p>
<p>Just tell me the truth. Directly. It’s all I ask. The truth. From your mouth to my ears.</p>
<p>I’ve been really pleased to see your progress these past several years: the personal growth; the maturity; the recovery from a lot of hard knocks, resentment, and bitterness; the increasing self-confidence; the tenacity; the purpose. </p>
<p>You have my sincere admiration and best wishes.</p>
<p>^^^ADad, I know this thread isn’t for responses, but I can’t help but think that your post COULD be said directly to the person.</p>
<p>After thinking about you, off and on, for 30 years, I get an email from you. 20 years ago, I would have been thrilled, but not now. You know what I think? I think you’re feeling trapped and you’re looking for a way out. I’m not going to give it to you. At last, I am over you.</p>
<p>You had the chance to comfort her and say something kind. But you blew it. You are an idiot.</p>
<p>Is it so awful that I don’t want to friend my MOTHER-IN-LAW on Facebook? Geez, I set up the account for her, isn’t that enough??? Perhaps if she hadn’t insinuated herself into our lives from day one and if she didn’t come across as so judgmental I wouldn’t feel this way. But I do and I won’t friend her. So there.</p>