<p>S got accepted last week into a univ. pretty high on his list (a high match, we called it and #2 in terms of favorites) and it now seems that we should cross off a safety school that he was planning to apply to by the Jan. 15 deadline. His teacher recs and part 1 and transcripts and scores are already in, and he interviewed with an alum, but he had not yet sent in part 2 and the essays. It really makes no sense to do so now, because we cannot see him going there even with a big merit scholarship (there is another safety on his list that is geographically more desireable that he will still apply to just to keep his options open in case finances trump everything in May). </p>
<p>But for some dumb reason I'm feeling sad about dropping this other school. I guess it's because last year at this time I took to heart the advice on CC (thanks, InterestedDad) to build a list from the safeties up. So I researched the heck out of this school and played it up to S and really sort of fell in love with it, as I did for most of the schools on his short list. There are specific programs (particularly study abroad) at this univ. that we didn't find anywhere else, and just some really quirky things about the school that seemed to fit S. Meanwhile, my H and S think nothing about dropping it.</p>
<p>I hesitate to bring this up because I know so many are sad about deferrals and such from their dream schools, but I'm wondering if others are feeling wistful about saying goodbye to schools on their kids' lists. (Or just the idea that the deadline for applying to ANY school is coming up soon, and some opportunities will be lost forever! After a year of getting to consider every school under the sun for S, it's seems uncomfortable to be down to just 5 or 6...). Oh, I'm probably just overinvested in all of this!!</p>
<p>We had that, but for a school to which my d. did not apply - Earlham. She loved it, I still love it, we know lots of the faculty, the Dean of Admissions is a personal friend, the study abroad programs are awesome, we are Quakers, the student body is quirky and perfect (for her), and they would have paid her way. But...it doesn't have the music program she needed. Sad. But true - and we knew it.</p>
<p>But I send them a check every year - that's how much I like what they are doing. I AM invested in them, and will remain so.</p>
<p>Keep in mind too that by not applying to a safety that he will probably not attend, you may be opening up a spot at that safety for someone who really wants or needs it adn for whom it may not be a safety.</p>
<p>momof 2, I know what you mean. Last year I felt the same about some of the schools my son decided not to attend. Son and I had built some personal relationships with people at these schools that made it harder to "let go," than I thought it would.</p>
<p>My S had a real hard time saying goodbye to Trinity U last year as he loved the kids, the team and the atmosphere there,plus it was a lot less expensive. He will always talk up the school to other prospects though, same with me so they still have a fan in us!</p>
<p>First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for you son's acceptance at this school that was so high on his list!! That is just SO exciting!!</p>
<p>As you know, we are not in this position, but nevertheless, I can so totally imagine exactly what you are feeling. It goes back to that "two roads diverged in a yellow wood" thing--some decisions that we make have such long-lasting consequences and though your life may turn out just <em>different</em>, not <em>better</em> or <em>worse</em>, the choices are still tough. </p>
<p>My own son has been a Duke fan from waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy back. All the kids at school know it and everytime I get asked where he will attend college, people say, "Duke?" before I even get a chance to reply. Things here have been so DUKE for so long that it was strange to even contemplate applying to another school first. Now, my eleven-year-old son is a huge Duke fan too, and we even have our basketball pole painted in Duke blue.</p>
<p>My son is applying to Duke, and he may end up there, but if he doesn't, there will be this wistful feeling of a dream departed. </p>
<p>Being the rather indecisive person that I can be at times and one who has trouble shutting a door, I'd probably go ahead send in the app. since so much of it has already been completed. Still, if your son really doesn't want to (and it IS extra work for HIM), I guess you should just let it be.</p>
<p>Hugs to you--this process is hard on us parents, isn't it? fondly, ~berurah</p>
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<p>Keep in mind too that by not applying to a safety that he will probably not attend, you may be opening up a spot at that safety for someone who really wants or needs it adn for whom it may not be a safety.<<</p>
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<p>Not really. Unless you wait until August or September to tell a school you are not coming, it's unlikely your spot will go unfilled. They know that a bunch of acceptees will go elsewhere, and they just fill those slots from the RD wait list. It's a normal part of the process. However, good manners would suggest that you tell a school you are not coming as soon as you are certain of it and there is no chance that this will change.</p>
<p>Sorry, but I still believe it is inappropriate to apply to school you do not seriously plan to attend. Yes, waitlists are maintained through the summer in some cases, but if you have had a child waitlisted at a school he or she really wants to attend (not just deferred EA or ED) you will know that the game is hardly worth the candle. Not being able to commit fully and enthusiastically to the school one is signed up for really puts a damper on those weeks or months after HS graduation. Maybe in the Harvard versus Yale worpld it is different, but in general, finances permitting, I still say there is little point and no courtesy in applying to a school that you do not prefer to a school to which you have already been admitted.</p>
<p>DS had to say goodbye to six schools two years ago. The truth was that he really liked every school to which he applied, even his true safety. To this day, I don't know how he decided on the final choice, but he's happy. The six other schools were wonderful, and he would have probably done well at any of them. He really found it hard to write the faculty members at each place (he had met them for private lessons in each case) because he truly liked them all.</p>
<p>I have not been completely following all your posts. However, I am totally confused. It appears that your son was somewhat devastated about a rejection from Yale EA. </p>
<p>However, you just made the following statement in this thread: "Things here have been so DUKE for so long that it was strange to even contemplate applying to another school first."</p>
<p>I hope you (and your son) do not think that if he gets accepted to Duke that he will be going to a "safety school", or one that is somehow academically compromised. You should check out the Duke thread and note how many exceptional students who applied there ED this year were deferred or rejected. (At least one or two 1600 SAT kids were denied admissions ED). These are kids who consider Duke to be their first choice school! </p>
<p>I don't understand how your son would be so devastated about Yale when he has been considering Duke for so long. As a point of reference, my son applied last year to Yale EA and was deferred. I don't think Yale was ever his ultimate drop dead dream school. He was accepted to a number of fine schools during the RD round. He opted to matriculate at Duke, and has no regrets at all. Never did he consider Duke to be a compromised choice. In fact, he is currently appreciating the fact that he is surrounded by some pretty "amazing kids".</p>
<p>Oh, my son would not EVER consider Duke to be a compromised choice! In fact, he would be most honored to attend school there. He has loved it for a long time. However, reality set in for us last year. It is not an EA school--it is ED, and with our family's means, we could not even consider that option. Also, in reading a great deal of information on Duke, we realized that the financial aid there is not as plentiful as it is at many other schools. So, we lowered it down on our list for practical reasons. </p>
<p>Duke is an outstanding school, especially with regard to my son's stated interests. He would feel exceedingly proud and delighted to be accepted there if he were to be. Duke is and has always been ONE OF his dream schools! </p>
<p>Kids can be excited by more than one prospect. I don't find it surprising at all that my son is disappointed by a Yale rejection while still loving/trying for Duke. It is really not all that confusing....I hope I cleared this up. ~berurah</p>
<p>I know exactly what M2I is talking about. It's actually even tougher in the RD round, because by that time you've gotten over any ED infatuation, and are (hopefully) looking much more seriously and optimistically at all the other options. And if you've "built the list from the safeties up," yes, you can end up with some really great choices and feel not only wistful but downright remorseful about your child saying no to so many fine schools, some of which will be pulling out all the stops and really wooing him/her following an admission letter. Our daughter wrote a respectful and thankful letter to each of the adcoms of the schools she declined....it made us all feel better.</p>
<p>The other thread caught my attention. (The one about licking wounds.)</p>
<p>"As some of you may know, my son was rejected in the EA round at Yale on Wednesday. It was, without doubt, the biggest blow he's ever suffered. His reaction scared me, and now, though he is mostly back to his old strong, confident self, the scars remain."</p>
<p>"And I feel like a flippin' failure. I've never felt like this before in all of my years of parenting six children. "</p>
<p>That sounded more like devastation than disappointment to me...............</p>
<p>When, after blood, sweat, and tears spent on applications AND waiting on pins and needles for six weeks for a decision, you see a rejection letter pop up like the one for Yale, yeah, it can be devastating (temporarily)--now, it is just a bitter disappointment. ~berurah</p>
<p>Berurah -- Just wanted to say I understand your situation re not being financially able to commit to an ED school. We had the same situation last year and my daughter had to wait until all of the offers were on the table before making her decision. In our case, we qualified for no financial aid and were looking for merit aid. It would have been nice to be able to say, "Go ahead. Apply wherever you want and we will make it happen." But it just did not work that way for us. Fortunately, my daughter received a number of very good merit offers and it all worked out for the best in the end. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>berurah, thanks for your congrats. You are a class act and someone I would appreciate meeting IRL someday. I know things will turn out for your S. It's really Yale's loss and some other great school's gain. You will see (and I just have a hunch about Johns Hopkins... was so impressed with their president when S and I saw him speak at the Getty last summer... also with some of their scientist/professors who presented research. Were S to have been at all interested in science as a major, it would have been high up on the list.)</p>
<p>Mattmom, I tend to agree with you about taking our S's name out of consideration sooner rather than later to schools that he now knows he will not attend (due to getting into a more preferred school on his list). I would want to open it up to other kids.</p>
<p>I'm so glad that someone else understands the financial constraints! I, too, would have liked to have been able to give my son carte blanche with college admissions/decisions. We will try our best to "make it happen" for him if he should be accepted to a pricey school that he adores, but he is very well aware of our circumstances and has many times expressed knowledge and concern for the financial realities. I'm so glad that your D was able to get merit aid for a school that she is enjoying! That would be my dream for us! ~berurah</p>
<p>I would dearly love to meet you in person someday!! Hmmmmm.....maybe if Stanford miraculously comes through and we head out that way....<em>lol</em> I was telling my son how many people on this board thought he'd be great for Johns Hopkins or Duke--I'm hoping the encouragement will help him get going on the rest of the apps.!! <em>lol</em></p>
<p>-Just thought I would commiserate that it is awfully sad to withdraw my apps to these schools that I applied to pre-acceptance. Haverford especially, where the Dean of Admissions was my interviewer and a man I greatly respected. I sent him a nice e-mail letting him know that the school had an incredible impression on me. His daughter goes to Princeton, so I don't feel THAT bad :)</p>
<p>Also, I felt bad about withdrawing Kenyon. I spent so much time on the application (which I loved) and I really wanted them to see how much I loved the school.</p>