withdrawing application before decision

<p>Need some expert help here. My daughter has an application out to an EA school that does not notify until the end of January. While this has been the school she has talked about since the spring, I think she is getting cold feet. She wants to withdraw her application before she hear from them. She doesn't want to know if she would have been admitted, deferred or denied; she just wants to withdraw her application.</p>

<p>She has had a second choice school that has ED II. This school will allow her to change her RD to ED II before the beginning of February. It has always been her decision to change this application if she was not admitted to her EA school. Now she has decided she really want to go to the ED II school. It seems that she was out with friends and she realized she wasn't excited to talk about the EA school, while she was excited about the ED II school.</p>

<p>I think the problem she is having is that everyone knows she has applied to the EA school and she is doesn't want to face the embarrassment of having to tell people she didn't get in. She attends a very competitive school and has friends that will be attended the Ivys. The other problem she is posed with is that her GC and teacher recs all say she will attend if admitted. Her feeling is, if she withdraws the application she can't be admitted, therefore her GC didn't lie.</p>

<p>The EA school is a reach for her, but she really might get in, but maybe not until April or from the waitlist. I was afraid she would be deferred, therefore not allowing her to apply to her EDII school other than RD. I'm afraid she just wants to be done with the whole application process, so by applying and being admitted to the ED II school she can know where she is going. She has be admitted to a few other school that were her safeties. One of these schools she really does like and could see herself attending. I know she can be happy at any of her school, so I'm not worried about that. My concern is that she might be giving up on a school for the wrong reason.</p>

<p>I did tell her not to withdraw the application. If she didn't want to see the letter when it came, I would keep it. She doesn't have to check online for the decision unless she decides to. She can tell her friends she wants to apply to her ED II school and leave it at that. If she desn't get into her ED II school she might decide to attend the safety where she has a scholarship and the honors program. </p>

<p>I realize I might not have told this story where it makes total sense; but any words of wisdom would be helpful.</p>

<p>I would not withdraw the application. It is not the end of the world even if every one knows she didn't get in to the EA school. You can try to reinforce the thought that personal decisions shouldn't be based on how they look. They should be based on what is right.</p>

<p>Simba- I'm working on that thought. The truth is, she could be happy anywhere. This is one 17 year old that is not ready to make such a big decision. To be honest, I would rather see her at the ED II school; it looks like a better fit for her. Of course, she would have to be accepted first! I think she applied to school that would be a nice fit for her, but the ED II school and one or two others are a better fit. </p>

<p>I think what has happened is that her friends are all talking about how excited they are to be going to their first choice school and she isn't that excited about her EA school. She just thought it would be a cool school to go to. Now she has realized that the ED II school just seemed right when she visited and researched. I only want her to be happy and received a good education.</p>

<p>If your D's second-choice school is really her first-choice school, one she likes much better than her safety and her EA school and one that your family can afford, I don't see the problem with changing her app to ED II. </p>

<p>The safety is a key factor here. If she likes it as well as her second-choice school a case can be made for no ED II app. What happens if in a month she cools off on her ED II school, and then gets accepted there?</p>

<p>Following this, the only situation in which withdrawing the EA application makes sense would be where your D is less interested in attending the EA school than in attending her safety. </p>

<p>Two other key points: (1) Undergrad college choice is not a make-or-break life choice. (2) Your D needs to know that what her friends (or more likely, friends' parents) might say about her college choice is not as important as what she thinks and feels about her college choice</p>

<p>Finally, there is no obligation for her to attend the EA school if accepted, no matter what her recs said. If she has been telling the school she would attend if accepted that might occasion a brief discussion on decision-making, maturity and personal ethics, but it would still allow her to decline acceptance. Admissions staffs know that many students change their minds about schools during the application process; only ED attempts to take that out of the process.</p>

<p>I've lost track. She can apply ED II and leave the EA application active, correct?</p>

<p>Does the ED2 school permit concurrent EA applications? Does the EA school permit concurrent ED applications? If the the answer to both questions is yes, then just request to change the RD app to the now favorite school to ED and leave the EA as is. Kids get the willies all of the time during this process. My own son went ballistic several times. He nearly applied ED to NYU, right up to mailing the form and signing the statement. Then was miserable when EVERYONE (according to him) was accepted early which would mean no spots left for him. Oh, he should have applied early, then he would be done. Being deferred at Michigan did not help in all of this either. He was truly having second, third, fourth thoughts. He was rethinking his strategy of auditioning everywhere early--should have waited. He really drove me crazy. And it was his own idea to use his only early card on single choice early action for a lottery ticket school, Yale. Now all is well since he got in, and can withdraw whatever apps that wants since he is done with most of the auditions, or continue as he pleases. Had he not gotten in, which was certainly a probability, things would have been very different. But if you don't take the risks, you don't get to take the chance that may pan out. These kids change their minds faster and in more ways than random number generators.</p>

<p>Jamimom, your son and my D ought to chat one day. She had planned on applying ED to Tisch for years until this past Sept. After oscillating, she chose to not do ED there even though it is still a first choice (tied now). She was content with her decision. Then when a slew of friends got in ED to Tisch, for about five minutes (thankfully that was the extent of it), she slapped herself for not applying ED there and maybe, just maybe she could be all done too and maybe she lessened her chances by applying RD, and so on and so forth!~ She now has the whole winter of auditions to go. Your son might have been in the same boat but alas, he now has his school admission! Is he deferred at Michigan for BFA? My understanding there with the rolling auditions is that you either get in, are rejected (that just happened to best friend who auditioned same date as your son but is now in EA at Emerson but has a slew of auditions to go) or you just do not hear and are held I guess until more audition rounds are completed. Is there an actual deferral letter or is he just not in or out yet and has not heard? Just curious as to that process because that was our understanding. Now, D has audition there in a couple weeks and assumed that a few weeks later would hear in, out, or nothing (meaning has to wait). If you can shed light on this, let me know. Meanwhile, is he keeping his hand in the fire anywhere for BFA? inc. UM? Or is he now content with BA at Yale (not exactly a POOR choice, LOL!). Just wondering as your son was so gung ho on BFA enough to ALMOST apply ED for one. </p>

<p>Susan</p>

<p>ohio_mom-I can see where you would lose track of my long winded story; without naming school it does get confusing. Yes, she can apply ED II and leave her EA alone. The reason she wanted to withdraw that application was so she wouldn't know if she would have been accepted or not. I know that sounds silly, but we are dealing with a teenager! While the ED II school is now her first choice, the EA school is one that if she were admitted, she would be so proud of herself. If she were rejected, she would be upset, but could move on. I think she thought she would feel better if this school were out of the picture entirely.</p>

<p>jamimom- Yes, the EA school is not one with any stipulations; she can leave it as is and still ED II the other school. That is what I have convinced her to do. She is going to talk to her GC when she goes back to school after the holidays and get the form signed for ED II. I know the GC will have her leave the EA school application alone. She now is very excited about the ED II school; I only hope she gets in! This is so teenage girl-one minute we are in crisis mode and the next minute she is dancing around the house in excitement!!!</p>

<p>Five minutes was not the extent of the NYU Tisch trauma at our house. My son literally hung onto to the ED statement all the way to school before deciding not to sign it and have his counselor sign it. He had already signed up for an ED date for the auditions. The only problem was that NYU was not his true first choice school--CMU was. And has always been. But CMU does not have any early programs though he did get an early audition in November. Also, only CAP21 is truly MT, and you are basically stuck in whatever other studio they assign you unless you ask for only CAP21 and he wasn't sure he wanted to do that either. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. </p>

<p>For Michigan, they let you know in two weeks to the the day if you are definitely in or out. My son's childhood friend whose mother was a wonderful friend to me in days of need in Pittsburgh who now lives in Westchester--had not seen her for years but met up in Michigan was rejected from Michigan on that time line. The vast majority of the applicants are rolled over and compared with each new group of kids auditioning and that is what happened with S. No notification was given other than the academic office at UMich asking for his Midterm report. Only a few got in at Michigan at this point, but considering that only about 25 kids auditioned, that is really a pretty good yield for that first group. S auditioned on the first available day at Emerson also, and there are a number who applied ED, not EA and they are in, he informed me. Since he could not apply early under any program in conjunction with the SCEA for Yale, he has no idea where he stands there. His friend who auditioned on Emerson, probably the same day you did was also deferred there for MT, but accepted to the school. That puzzled S as they told him that they did not want kids in a program where it was second choice for them, as he specifically asked that question--if you don't get in for MT, are you automatically considered for the Acting program. I believe he indicated that on his application. His friend was very disappointed as he believed that he had an excellent auditon at Emerson--he had applied early decision for Tisch and he and another young lady (now my son's girlfriend) are the only two denied for Tisch and they both indicated CAP21 or bust, something they now regret since EVERYONE (according to them, and I don't believe it for a moment) was accepted at Tisch who applied early if they did not. S was antsy about this as there are not that many freshman spots for CAP (15-20? ,maybe) and he already knows about 10 spots taken which did not leave much left for S's ED chances.</p>

<p>Although S loves MT, he is not as gung ho as some are. His experience has been more with classical drama lately with classical voice lessons. He had been concerned that this was an issue in his audition pieces as he has not been active in MT in the last year. He has just recently been cast in a major role for the school musical and had put together a cabaret type show this fall, and worked at a youth theatre and put on a resounding success of a fundraiser with a terrific "Wizard of Oz" production, but he directed, and only participated in the tail end cameo that pulled in some "Wicked" numbers which was done by the highschool and college kids running the show. He currently has the title role in "Hamlet" and has done work with some Shakespearean directors and it was through this connection that he made his Yale contact.<br>
MT was his entree into theatre as he was a musician first, and went into drama much later, and did only MT for a while, got a professional straight drama role, and then started down that path. So things change with him. He enjoys working on MT productions the most, however. He did get notification from OCU that he is accepted to their MT program but I think he will pass on that. He will withdraw his other apps except for CMU and will continue with his plans to audition at Juilliard, for both voice and acting though he is pretty sure at this point that the voice is a no go. He did learn quite a bit from this process, not the least of which is where is voice stands relative to others his age which even with all of his experience and all of the encouragement and assessments from voice teachers did not really hit the reality level of what his own ears heard. The kids that are getting their acceptances for MT that he knows pretty much have opera quality type voices, and he skirts the edge for that. For the Northeast, he says that there is a top level recognition for kids who go to All State--the next level beyond and I don't know exactly what that is, and those are the ones getting in. He said that his best voice performance by far was at OCU but he did not do well with his monologues there, but voice trumped acting. At Michigan, he aced his monologues, piano piece, fine in the dancing-only one kid stood out, he said there, but he had a very slight rasp in his voice that day. He had kind of blown off his Syracuse audition as a first try since he hated the school when he visited it--it was one of those visits to hell you read about, rainy, cold, they forgot about him, the kid showing him around was not a good guide to put it nicely, but when he went to audition, he loved the school and it went right up there with CMU, NYU and Michigan which were his top choices. He had entertained voice possibiltiess at Juilliard and a couple of other schools but he pretty much dropped those after the MT tour, except he wants to give Juilliard a try, just to do it. He did not like Emerson, Harrt, OCU, CCM, Santa Fe. He felt that the rest of the campus life outside of the programs were too limiting for him. We went to Trinity the same day he auditoned for Harrt and I believe the contrast was striking--he did not apply to Trinity; I was just taking a bunch of kids there who were since I was heading that way, and we visited Vassar the next day. </p>

<p>Right now, he is basking in the aura of his acceptance to Yale, and my hope and bet is that he goes there. He got a bunch of Yale stuff for Christmas that my nephew and future Son in Law brought down from New Haven, and he is getting a lot of attention for this. Tisch is now out of the picture, yes, from nearly ED to out, but CMU is still a consideration. Since he has done SCEA, he has the right to keep his irons in the fire but we have already told him that unless he thinks there is a good chance he will go there if accepted, he needs to free up the spaces at the schools because some of these programs do not do a one to one correspondence as kids do not accept an offer. It is a bit more holistic than that and taking up a spot can have some consequences. He will keep his apps in for Harvard and Princeton, but without an inside advocate, I doubt those will pan out, though his school gets alot of them into P. His best friend was accepted early there.</p>

<p>I know from your D's experiences that she has a powerful resume for MT, and with her spread of schools I feel strongly that she is most likely to get into a couple of them. But she may just want to consider adding a regular school to her list since she is an excellent student as well. I don't believe my son even considered that the environment of a school outside of the MT program would be a factor for him until he started looking with a more mature set of eyes. He loved Emerson when he visited Boston last Spring and did not compare the campus life to that of BC, BU and BoCo--he did not bother to visit Tufts or Harvard while there and he could have. He was eyeing MT only. He did not like BoCo for reasons that I felt were trivial, and due more to their visiting policies and nothing to do with their curriculum, but this year, he noticed that Emerson is shut down on weekends, unlike many of the other colleges he visited. There is a huge difference between schools like Penn State, CMU, Mich and the ones like Emerson, BoCo and schools with a less selective student body outside of the MT group, something that struck him at Harrt and OCU when this caught his attention. It may not hurt to have a reach (say, Brown), sort of match (say Wesleyan, Tufts, Smith), and safety (maybe Muhlenberg) in the pocket which I would say is an improvement over an academic admit at some of the schools with this half way process of accepting academically but not for the program. </p>

<p>Frankly, I believe most of these kids are resilient enough that they will flourish whereever they end up at school. S was accepted immediately to our state U which has an excellent music department and if he were not accepted to any program, he could take private voice, dance and major in theatre (without audition) there. He could then have reauditioned the following year which a young lady he knows here did. She was just not ready and was not accepted anywhere for MT during her highschool senior year auditions despite a truly beautiful voice, and a lot of acting experience and a lifetime of dance. She transferred into Tisch this past year after spending a year focusing on the disciplines necessary to get into such a program, and she had her pick of a few programs after that. So there are a number of options always available and those who can see the glass half full will not have any problems with the empty half of it. </p>

<p>I just think that right now there is time to pick from nearly any college in the US whereas to come to this point in April, kids will be limited to those school that still have openings. </p>

<p>But the point I was making to the OP is that kids do vacillate in their priorities and choices. Just because she feels that the EA is not tenable now, does not mean it will not be a joyful choice later. As you and I both noticed, S's pen was right on the sign on the line ED for NYU and now he is celebrating a non MT choice.</p>

<p>Pokey: I assume that you won't need to be concerned about financial aid; if that's wrong she probably shouldn't apply EDII since if she's accepted you won't be able to compare costs.</p>

<p>While I would love for my daughter to receive financial aid, the schools think otherwise :-( . My husband told each child they could go to any school they felt would be the best. It doesn't matter to him if we eat cereal for dinner every night as long as his children are happy. Seriously, while we can afford to send them to provate colleges, it is all done with borrowed money. We both will be working until the day we die. No retirement at this house! The safety schools are the only ones offering merit scholarships; her other schools are more competitive.</p>

<p>Hi, Pokey
my only comment would be for you to hold the EA reply for her (if you can all agree that you pick up the mail first). You could decline for her if the ED comes through. </p>

<p>We may also be eating cereal. We are due a full tuition waiver for one degree because of my husband's job. My co-workers and most of my friends and relations think we are nuts for looking elsewhere ... but there's always grad or med school to use it on.</p>

<p>Jamimon,
congrats on the Yale acceptance. What an adventure you are having. My son likes drama - so I have little idea of the time involved. Makes me tired just thinking about it.</p>