so i recently joined this unofficial facebook group for the class of 2022 and im totally freaking out
first of all, in all the introductory posts, most of them have mentioned their pronouns, which is great and all but now i feel like if i misgender someone by mistake or if i dont know all the different sexualities im going to be looked down upon or sth
i feel like people might get offended easily and will definitely exclude me from stuff if i dont agree with their mottos. looking at their posts have made me realise that most of my daily conversations with friends include lots of crude, politically incorrect humour which might be taken waaaay too seriously there.
im not from the US, but in my country you’d call me a liberal. and im mostly fine with stuff like that but i dont actively express my opinions and protest or do stuff like worship hillary clinton, beyonce etc. and almost all of these women seem like extremely liberal active social justice warrior types (IM SORRY FOR USING THAT STEREOTYPE BUT they seem like they’d shred me to pieces if I say sth like gender neutral pronouns like ze are just weird and id never use them) who’d frown upon me for being ‘backdated’ . i dont think i’ll ever be like them either. and i dont see much variation?? like they all seem the same (super driven,reaaaaally positive and all about fempower), and i feel like i always have to tiptoe around them.
and i got accepted early with really good finaid so i have to go there lol…
(yeah ik fempower stuff is to be expected at smith but i dont get why everybody tags themselves as a feminist because it makes me feel like if i dont mention it, its not a core part of who i am, and they make me feel like it should be a core part of me??)
pls soothe my nerves, im worried ill never make friends here.
In my experience with my daughter who attends another school but who joined her schools admitted students facebook page – many of the kids that post on facebook do not really represent the people you will meet and become friends with at school. Don’t worry too much, there are lots of amazing kids from all backgrounds at Smith and you will find lots of cool people people!
Oh my god I could have written your post. That is exactly how I am feeling!!! It’s making me feel a bit wary of attending even though I think Smith is a wonderful school with a great faculty. Still, I am super worried people won’t like me because I don’t want to be discussing politics/doing political things all of the time. I am not extremely liberal. Anyway, it calms me to read your post because two of us smithies feel the same way. Maybe we can talk before going!
All you need to do is be open-minded. When you meet people, ask for their pronouns. If you misgender someone, apologize.
Smith is historically a women’s college. It’s rooted in feminism and now there are many students there who don’t identify with the gender binary. Northampton is also the most liberal mid-sized city in the United States. You’re going to meet a lot of social justice-oriented people, and they’re all pretty cool.
The people in this Facebook group aren’t representative of everyone at Smith, though. If you’re really that worried, I’m sure you’ll find someone with views similar to yours.
My D hasn’t said anything about the facebook chat except that everyone seems super friendly and happy and eager to meet future classmates, but I can see it could be intimidating especially if you are from a different culture socially.
I think the biggest thing is to just have respect for human dignity and a sense of empathy for the other humans you are sharing the planet with. As long as “not agreeing with their mottos” and “politically incorrect humor” won’t involve using racial slurs or feeling a sense of contempt for anyone different from you, you’ll be fine.
My D is a firstie at Smith. I get the impression from her that opinions are more diverse, and the population a little more nerdy than you might think on first impression. Yes, pronouns and feminism and social justice are a big deal, and of course there are social pressures at any college. But also, people can (and do) disagree and treat each other with respect. Smith invites in a lot of outside speakers, too, and they tend to challenge the common thread and get people thinking with more nuance. My D has a politically incorrect and wacky sense of humor, and she has lots of friends.
@douxrien, you sound like my D last year. Accepted ED, excited about the school, but the Facebook group freaked her out. She pretty much stopped following that and a couple of group chats that had been established. Now, a second semester firstie, she is one happy Smithie. Based on what she’s told me over the course of the school year, @deadsenior is absolutely right. You’ll find your people once you get there.
I just had D online and ran this by her. She says, “yeah, it is Like That at Smith and it’s a competition to see who can be the best activist. But her social/political views absolutely will NOT be the defining characteristic that determines her friendships, like it’s not that big of a deal. She’ll probably get called out for stuff because we all do but it’s not gonna make or break anything. It can be frustrating for sure but it’s not the end of the world.”
Omg I just logged onto cc for the first time in many many months to reply to this because I’ve been feeling the SAME way! Idk if you’re in the GroupMe but a lot of the conversation in the main one get very uncomfortably political/intense/aggressive (and I’m quite liberal to being with) and it concerned me at first. But the handful of Smith students and alumnae I know well are not at all like that. One other thing that helps is to remember that there tend to be maybe 10-15 dominant voices in these scenarios and that a vast majority of us are just chilling and rolling our eyes. The Facebook group, for example, has ~300 people, maybe half of the incoming class. And not all of those people have posted. I feel like the people who are vocal are a self-selective group as well - ie the more extreme ones will speak more dominantly. I hope this helps - also I hope this doesn’t scare you away from smith because most of the ladies I’ve interacted with have been very nice and interesting people!
I think there’s the impression of Smith, and the reality of Smith. My daughter is not super politically active, and she has had a great experience. There is certainly a very vocal political segment of the student body, but there are also a lot of women who are there for the first class education, the athletic culture is also strong- there’s also a lot of artsy types. Lots of niches, the current national culture probably makes the political side seem more pronounced though.
@pauler80020 thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this. it really really helped alot especially when you mentioned how smith encourages thinking with more nuance, and what your daughter mentioned. much love to you and your daughter <3
@geugen so glad that im not the only one!! if you’re still feeling worried you should read the comments on this thread cuz they really helped me out! and if you’re still anxious, pm me and we can freak out together!!! hope smith treats us good lol
@Lbelle43 yeah im in the groupme chats!! at first i thought i was being too introverted so i tried talking and ‘going with the flow’ and then i realised that some conversations were just on another level and i felt alien and uncomfortable… and thank you so much, im definitely less scared of smith now!!! i dont really know any smithies personally so the fb introductory posts and groupme chats just really swamped my mind and made me feel inadequate… im going to go back to chilling now lol
My second year Smithie isn’t interested in politics at all. Like zilch. It hasn’t prevented her from making friends and creating a life for herself. She is glad she chose Smith. I am sure you will find your group.
glad i stumbled across your post! it’s become a bit of concern for me as well but i’m chalking it up to the more vocal students that are always online and are thus more opinionated.
i actually brought this post up with my friend who got into smith (and is also in the groupchat), as well as the rest of our lunch group today. “look what the gc got angry about today” was a bit of a joke with us for a few weeks, because… oh man. we’re all very liberal, queer women, and talking it out we agreed our unease and annoyance at the chat was because it was just a bit too high strung for us, sort of culminating in a competition as to who was the most “woke”. we’re all born and raised southern californian, and having spoken with people who have moved here from other places around the country and world they all describe the vibe here as incredibly relaxed compared to their old homes. we don’t argue political points much because quite frankly, in the end, almost everyone around us agrees on similar principals. definitely a culture shock to see people arguing when they had the same concrete ideas in common, but working themselves into a tizzy over the minutia.
looking at the other comments, i think in the end we’ll all be fine. i’m not worrying too much now that i’ve seen this post and some replies, and as a bit of a reassurance, i’ll always be there to hang out with if it gets too much (and it seems like some other people here) (ps: love your username ;;))
Perhaps I’m just old school, but wouldn’t the proper pronouns for someone attending a woman’s college be “she” or “her?” One would think that by electing to attend an all woman’s college one intentionally narrows one’s pronoun choices, not increases them!
@StevenGwynne Not necessarily, there are definitely a few nonbinary/trans folk (who transition after matriculation) at Smith who use they/them or he/his pronouns!
As for the OP, it’s probably no secret that most Smith students are very LGBT friendly. In my view, it doesn’t really hurt to use someone’s preferred pronouns. I want to be respectful of people’s identities so I try my best to use the correct pronouns. Nobody will look down on you if you accidentally misgender someone- I’ve done it before and people usually just remind me and I correct myself. I am liberal but probably not as liberal as the people around me. I have never had anyone jump down my throat for voicing my thoughts. You do not have to be a super social justice warrior-- I haven’t really gone to any rallies/protests/etc. because I simply do not have the time. You can also actively choose to avoid events like these. Essentially, just be respectful in the way you phrase your opinions and you should be fine, as long as your opinions aren’t hurtful to others! You don’t need to be “scared”. I’m currently a Smithie so if you have any questions please feel free to ask me!