<p>William & Mary is a very open and accepting population, esp for the South. Non conformist and individuality are the rule here. Would be a great place to blossom.</p>
<p>Uh...Karl? Why are you ranting against a college that no one has even mentioned here? </p>
<p>If you have a college to recommend for a shy person, please say so. Otherwise, please take your rant to a more appropriate venue. I asked my question looking for positive, helpful suggestions.</p>
<p>Pebbles, that was a great post. You get at some of what I mean when I say that I don't want my daughter to feel that she's somehow "broken" and needs fixing.</p>
<p>But while I am not trying to make her into an extrovert--which isn't possible anyway--I am trying to help her become more capable of handling herself in the real world. The world she has to live in. It's one thing to be a little quiet and introspective, quite another to be incapable of answering a direct question from a teacher or a job interviewer. </p>
<p>If she were sublimely happy exactly as she is, I might agree with you completely. But I've held this kid as she cried with loneliness, aching to have the kind of friendships and social life she sees her sister and classmates having. I've seen her afraid to try things that she truly longs to do. That's not happy introversion, that's a girl leading a diminished life. </p>
<p>I don't want her to be the next Dale Carnegie or the life of the party. I just want her to have a good chance at happiness. She's putting a lot of faith and hope in college being different for her than high school, and I want her to have her best shot at that.</p>
<p>
She's thinking that she needs a friendly college that isn't too big overall, with small class sizes, and housing options that help you socialize naturally without a lot of pressure--dorm lounges to hang out in, floor events that break the ice, etc.
</p>
<p>That sounds exactly like William and Mary. I myself am a pretty shy person, but ended up making a lot of friends during my first year at W&M. If you have any W&M specific questions, feel free to PM me. :)</p>
<p>Karl, she recommended St. John's College in Santa Fe. You ranted about St. John's in Annapolis. You offered no constructive suggestions for a college friendly to shy persons, which was the question posed at the start of this discussion. Instead, you tried to hijack the discussion for your own vitriol.</p>
<p>I third Rice University (as a student there myself). The bit you mentioned about housing options that force social interaction, well, that is pretty much what defines Rice. We have a great way of incorporating all students, especially the shy ones, during O-week and turning them into (relatively) confident members of our community. Plus it's small and has small class sizes. It sounds like the perfect place for her. Please ask me if you have any other questions or want to hear more details.</p>
<p>Clendenenator, I'd love to hear more about the housing arrangements and how things work that first week. Thank you!</p>
<p>lunitari-</p>
<p>I think we see eye-to-eye here. I actually wrote my post in defense of your approach for your daughter, which is a well considered approach that I wish every parent would adopt, with therapy directed toward personal growth and confidence, rather than toward some kind of social training or objective social result.</p>
<p>And more constructively, I think placing your daughter in a supportive environment with diverse social options and modes of thinking can really do wonders for her outlook. I'm a rising senior in college, and how I see myself now just can't be further from how I saw myself 3 years ago. I think what really dawned on me was that there are people out there who will love you for the gifts you have to offer, however subtle they may be-- people for whom you have to change absolutely nothing about yourself. Ack it sounds so cliche but the truth of it is so liberating. I hope your daughter can find that and find her own way of happiness.</p>
<p>Mount Holyoke - Definitely
Hamilton - probably not
Union in Schenectady - really poor choice
Connecticut College - really hard to get into, but not as academic as the seven sisters, very preppy
Earlham - great fit for a shy kid</p>
<p>also Mount Holyoke is great for Asian Studies, lots of kids studying Japanese, anime, D & D, that sort of stuff</p>
<p>I notice that Smith and Mount Holyoke have both been mentioned. Traditionally, women's colleges have been recommended to provide a setting in which women can assert themselves more easily without the presence of (typically) more aggressive men. This is at least worth thinking about.</p>
<p>Being an introvert/extrovert is a natural state; you can't cure that. But being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean that you lack confidence. I have an extremely confident introvert on my hands...doesn't particularly need to be around people although she at times chooses to be, but can give a presentation to a crowd if required to do so (she would never choose to do so!) and is not worried at all about making friends at college. She assumes "it will happen." OP, it's good that you've already tried counseling, as experiencing anxiety in social situations probably can be "cured."</p>
<p>I remember being super shy too, all the way up through freshman year of high school. It sucks, and in some cases you don't know that until you take a chance. Every time someone suggests something I haven't done before, with people I haven't met, alarms go off in my head. The only thing that gets me through it is the phrase I let run through my head every time that happens - "Life's too short..." As stupid as it sounds, it has gotten me through thick and thin. It also helps that I befriended a kid who has no problem saying anything to anyone or doing anything with strangers, haha.</p>
<p>I also think Mills would be a good place to look--and she'd likely get merit money there, too.</p>
<p>I also have to put in a vote for the U of Chicago. My daughter, now in her third year, was painfully shy throughout highschool. She has really blossomed at the University of Chicago. The midwestern ambiance is fantastic. Students have been warm and inviting and there are so many clubs,etc. to be a part of if your daughter has specific interests. Now she emails people from around the world and the country during her summer break, goes out with friends she used to be too shy to call up,etc. I can't tell you how greatful I am for her experience at Chicago. The dormitory/house set up encourages social contact within her residence hall and students in the classes really interact and help each other. Really fantastic.</p>
<p>this describes me :) but most of my friends r outgoing...i guess i gravitate towards people who can help break me out of my shell. maybe she is like that, so...</p>
<p>One thing you should look out for for a shy person is how she is initially introduced to her college: what happens before college begins, what classes are available that are structured to form connections, and how is housing set up for freshmen. </p>
<p>Many schools, particularly LACs, provide freshmen with activities in small groups just before school starts. In Dartmouth, the Maine LACs, UVM, Williams, etc. outing adventures from three days to two weeks are available and very popular. Other schools have on campus activities. Many schools have special freshman classes, typically termed Freshman Seminars, on specialized topics so that students with very similar interests and attitudes towards life get together. How freshman are assigned dorms varies a lot. Most commonly either freshmen are assigned special dorms, or freshman are assigned dorms almost randomly. Some alternatives</p>
<p>Williams divides freshmen into groups of 20-22 students with statistics (M/F ratio, URM percentage, international percentage, etc.) approximating that of the class as a whole, puts each group as block in a dorm, assigns a male and female upperclassman as their advisers, and has the upperclassmen show the underclassmen around the college, arrange for activities that are fun but helpful.</p>
<p>Colby freshmen are put into doubles with an upperclassman who shows them the ropes for the year.</p>
<p>Gettysburg freshmen are put into dorms in blocks with the other students in their freshman seminars.</p>
<p>Your daughter, with your encouragement, should also try to identify extracurricular activities that she would enjoy that would encourage her to meet other students, and focus on schools with those activities. One such activity would be volunteering at a local shelter, just as she does now. There are clubs for this at many urban and suburban schools. If she likes animals she might take up horseback riding. If she likes kids, a club of volunteers at a local school. This is more available at suburban and rural schools than at urban ones. Some people find activities with lots of physical contact, e.g. rugby, a way to become more confident with others. Others find clubs devoted to their ancestry, e.g. Japanese, Chinese, French, etc., a way to meet people they are more comfortable with. If there is a topic she loves to talk about, e.g., anime, look for a club on that. Just don't have her over commit, exhaust her energy for social situations, and become discouraged. One club with lots of interactivity (e.g. anime), or two clubs with moderate interactivity (local animal rescue and equestrian clubs) may be enough.</p>
<p>I second the suggestions of Smith College. Smith is definitely worth considering. Smith has a wonderful supportive, caring sense of communityits a place where you make friends for life. Smith is known for academic excellence, small classes, terrific advising and mentoring, and available, committed professors. Professors get to know the students well. Students live in houses that are supportive communities in themselves, consisting of students from all 4 years, living rooms with pianos where students can hang out, and many have their own dining rooms. There are numerous built in support mechanisms including a full week of orientation, small pre-orientation groups, first year seminars, advisors, special traditions, etc.</p>