Scoop on Coed Dorms?

<p>Here at Caltech, you can have a coed room if you want (you won't get put in one unless you request it with someone else). In my House, there's one couple living together, and another coed room (they aren't dating). Both scenarios are working out just fine for all involved.</p>

<p>I really wish my school offered coed buildings! The girls are on the far west end of campus and the boys are on the far east side. I get along with guys much better than I do with other girls.</p>

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Any schools with coed rooms?

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<p>At Wesleyan after freshmen year there are no restrictions on who you live with. Of course, most sophomores don't have one room doubles, but there are SOME, and also mixed gender two room doubles, and of course tons of mixed gender apartments and houses (those seem practically the norm). Also, for freshmen year you can request gender neutral housing, but at this point you have to write a paragraph or two about why you want it (ie. gender identity, sexual identity), and not many people do that. </p>

<p>Anyway, I really enjoyed my co-ed dorm last year and co-ed house this year. I made some really amazing friendships that are still central to my life a year later, and will continue to be, with girls AND boys on my hall.</p>

<p>My dorm is coed; there's a suite of boys next door to me. It has its ups and downs. </p>

<p>It definitely makes it easier for guys and girls to sleep over in each others' rooms, despite the fact that it's against the rules and yes, even though roommates are present. Many students will see this as a plus -- but as a parent, you probably won't. In the long run, it can be a negative for the student as well. I ended up dating the guy who lived next door to me, and his proximity made it difficult to have "me" time or to focus on studying. It can also cause floor drama. My school is small, so people tend to gossip about who was in whose room last night, etc. The male/female ratio is 40/60, and competition for boys can be fierce, unfortunately. This is known as "floor-cest" or "dorm-cest" where I am, and it can be rough. Also, the boys in my dorm tend to be loud and don't have problems bellowing at the top of their lungs at 2 am while running down the hall (on a weekday). In an all-girls dorm it might be quieter.</p>

<p>However, it is great for facilitating friendships among opposite genders. Living in a coed dorm hasn't been that bad over all, but believe me, I'm never going to try dating the boy next door again! I'm sure all-girl dorms come with their own forms of drama. And honestly, after freshman year, the immaturity/drama mentioned above is a lot less prevalent.</p>

<p>My school has almost all freshman housing as "coed by room." What does this mean? Does it mean that the two sexes live in the same room, or does it mean that one room is all boys while the neighboring room is all girls and so on?</p>

<p>the second one.</p>

<p>in the same room is usually "gender-neutral" or "coed-by-bed" ... and would probably not be assigned randomly .. yet.</p>

<p>^Thank goodness! I am so relieved!!!! I got so frightened and worried about as to how I would explain my parents this one.</p>

<p>I know this post is from 2008, however I will post this for others who want to read opinions on the matter or have any similar concerns.
I live in a co-ed dorm currently and was very hesitant as I went to an all girls high school and had had little interaction with boys before hand. At first it was more awkward for me to talk to them, but living with them has probably helped me bond with boys on a general level of friendship. They can be a little messy (leaving bits of food in the sink inside of cleaning it out - vile!) but on the whole they are very respectful - there’s no trying to get into our rooms or sneaking into the shower (should it be communal, of course - some dorms have en suites if you’re not comfortable with that). The most inappropriate thing that was done was that a boy living a few doors down whistled as I walked to the shower in my towel, but it was completely innocent and lighthearted, he meant no bad intentions by it… They have crude, boy humour of course, but they never push the limits. Now, as I live in the UK not the US, I can legally drink on a night out - this is where living with the boys is handy. If I have any unwanted attention from unknown boys, the boys that I live with are on hand to either get rid of them or pretend to be a boyfriend. Plus, there’s always someone to make sure you get home safe. For those who live in the US, if they do go to parties and drink illegally and whatnot, having male friends you live with can still be handy - but for those law abiding students, once you are 21, having formed those male friendships will still come in handy for these exact reasons.
There can be dorm relationships, which quite often don’t work out. A lot of students go into dorms with the mindset that they should never get with anyone from their dorms - especially someone really close - i.e the same hallway. but sometimes it does happen. I myself only ever had one instance where I liked a boy from upstairs - nothing happened more than a kiss, and we still have a chat when we see each other, but I know of some relationships in my dorms and so far they’ve all stayed together and we only have four weeks or so left in the year - and these relationships started in the beginning. Not sure that they’ll stay together after we all move out because the proximity and intensity of living in dorms may make them feel more well… intense about each other and living separately might make them realise they don’t like each other as much as they thought they did… but we shall see. In my own case, I do happen to have developed feelings for a boy in my hallway and wish I hadn’t. We seem to be in a mutual agreement that nothing shall be done about it until we move away from each other and can escape should things go wrong - so if anybody’s daughter or son does develop feelings for someone they live with, I would completely recommend doing what we’ve done.
There have been one night stands, although sometimes this has been two or three night stands and it is a little awkward for them. That’s one of the problems with co-ed dorms, definitely.
Besides the one boy in my hallway, the rest all feel like some of the best friends I’ve got - more like protective brothers (although I suppose you could argue cousins like a previous message) and if it’s sexual things that you are worried about, then living co-ed really isn’t going to be the issue. If a student is going to have one night stands, it doesn’t have to be the boys or girls they live with - it could be someone they know is in their lecture or seminar, someone in a group of friends they have or maybe even a complete stranger - the only difference is the only awkward part of a one night stand with a stranger is the walk of shame home afterwards.
Living with all girls in your first year isn’t a good idea, in my personal opinion. Everybody knows everything about everyone in dorms, there are no secrets, and to be honest - boys are far less likely to care about what’s going on. Sure you’ve got your few that know all the gossip, but for the most part they only find out stuff because they are told by girls. Girls can be very catty - and if a friendship goes wrong in an all girls dorm, it’s going to make things very difficult for one of the girls to live happily. Having both boys and girls in dorms makes things more balanced. If a girl lives in a co-ed dorm and feels uncomfortable, she can opt to swap during the year in most cases if it’s unbearable. If she’s not fussed either way about whether or not to live in a co-ed dorm, opt for the co-ed dorm - it is much less hassle for the university and for her as then in most cases they have to specify why they want to live in a single-sex dorm due to there being limited availability of these nowadays and order it in importance and if she’s not fussed, it’ll show. Often single-sex dorms are reserved for the chronically shy, those with social anxiety, those of certain religions etc now seeing as most people just live in co-ed dorms. Honestly, it’s really not that bad. In terms of sexual behaviour, the girls have been worse than the boys in majority of cases. Boys are not as bad to live with as people think, even student boys!</p>

<p>My hall is all girls, but the other halls in the building are coed. I used to be really uncomfortable about coed dorms, but after being in this building for a while, it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference. Bathrooms are equally clean, and everyone respects each other’s privacy.</p>

<p>I have heard from my dad though that when he went to uni a few of the guys would sometimes pick the locks of the bathrooms while girls were in the shower. They wouldn’t actually open the door, mind you, but apparently they thought it was funny to scare whoever was in the bathroom. Not the best story to tell a girl who’s just getting ready to set off for college… I was pretty terrified after hearing that. But I can’t really imagine that happening here. My other friend also lives in coed dorms, and she’s been fine. </p>

<p>As for bonds on an all girls floor, it hasn’t really happened. Two of the girls have really developed a strong friendship, but to be honest, I don’t really like them or their friendship considering that they’re the only two who ever cause issues with noise (and, not only that, they couldn’t be less considerate about it- you tell them to be quiet once, they don’t say anything, but if they keep being loud or are loud the next night, and you tell them to be quiet again, they look at you like you’re the one who’s done something wrong).
The thing about our hall though is that I think quite a few of the girls didn’t want to live in an all girls corridor or were neutral to it. The way our accommodation worked was that we ranked places based on preference, and it gave us a questionnaire (one of the questions was whether or not we preferred single sex occupancy). Then they would match you up based on what was still available. Maybe that’s a reason that we didn’t bond.</p>

<p>^This is all from experience in UK dorms, but I’m guessing that US ones won’t vary that much.</p>