Score my essay PLEASE!

<p>Please take some time to read my essay and give me some advice! </p>

<h2>Thank you sooooo much!</h2>

<p>Prompt: Is criticism- judging or finding fault with the ideas and actions of others- essential for personal well-being and social progress?</p>

<p>Essay:
As humanity has progressed, making criticism has become an essential part of social evaluation because many of the “truths”, holding in the majority’s hand, are lack of authenticities or fail to respect the rights of all people. Thus, although people who make criticism of common ideas always get themselves into troubles, their advanced ideas serve as good guides to personal and social advancements. In the field of history and science, we can find compelling examples to substantiate this thesis.</p>

<p>The days before Civil War, when slavery was prevalent, the white owners of plantation suppressed the black salves because of the prodigious benefit they received. Thus, the government empowered plantation owners to master the entire life of their salves, ignoring basic human rights of the slaves who underwent uncountable miserable experiences. Before the Emancipation Proclamation, criticizing the slavery policy, was declared during the Civil War, thousands of slaves were beaten, separated from families, forced to toil laboriously and even starved to death. In conclusion, as Lincoln asserted “a country divided can not stand”- or progress, the criticism of slavery not only protects the rights of salves but also contributes to social progress of America.</p>

<p>Furthermore, in the field of science, revolutionary and groundbreaking theories always originated from scientists who made criticism of conventional ideas. In the 19th century, the Creationism, described in the bible, was commonly accepted by Europeans and strongly supported by Christian rulers who wanted to maintain religious predominance. Therefore, most of the scientists thought it was useless to rectify the conventional theories rather than making new discoveries. However, Charles Darwin was not restricted by the religious belief of “god created the world” and developed his own theory. In the Origin of Species, published in 1859, Darwin introduced the scientific theory that populations evolve through a process of natural selection, which effectively solved the origin enigma that had confounded people for thousands of years. Had Darwin not criticized the Creationism, people could not have seen such marvelous modern life science innovation nowadays. Thus, in this circumstance, criticism helps people to develop a full perception of the world as well as accelerating scientific development.</p>

<p>In conclusion, as proven through the examples of Civil War and Darwin, it is obvious that criticism is used as a positive driving force to improve scientific theory and individual’s life. It has always been an essential part in personal and social accomplishments.</p>

<p>I would give it a C+ but keep in mind I’m using very high standards. The opening segment was weak and poorly constructed, there was some improvement as it progressed to the concluding statements. You have some ideas and a decent rudimentary framework but the execution is not equal to the task. I don’t have time to go over the entire piece so I’ll address the introductory portion.</p>

<p>“As humanity has progressed, making criticism has become an essential part of social evaluation because many of the “truths”, holding in the majority’s hand, are lack of authenticities or fail to respect the rights of all people. Thus, although people who make criticism of common ideas always get themselves into troubles, their advanced ideas serve as good guides to personal and social advancements.”</p>

<p>I had to spend a little time to decipher exactly what you meant in the first sentence. The phrasing “holding in the majority’s hand…” and “…lack of authentiticies” is poor, it would be very challenging to fit either or those into any sentence structure. If I were to hazard a guess I’d say you are not a native speaker of English. I’ll leave the grammar to others as this is by no means my forte though I can usually sense when something is amiss. </p>

<p>Would this be a closer approximation to what you intended (disregard my personal wording)?:</p>

<p>The extraordinary progress made by civilization since the Renaissance is in part attributable to the evolving recognition within governing bodies that free speech is an inherent human right. In the past commonplace ideas were often upheld by majority opinion or legislative fiat (sometimes to the detriment of a minority whose rights were convieniently forsaken) and those who dared to counter the prevailing wisdom found themselves ostracized by society. It is easy to take for granted many of the personal and social advances that we have today yet much credit is due to those early enlightened guides who set the critical markers for our path to progress.</p>