<p>Is criticism—judging or finding fault with the ideas and actions of
others—essential for personal well-being and social progress?</p>
<p>Although criticizing people may come as hypocritical and pretentious,such an action is greatly beneficial to the society when it is done privately ,not in front of people. Moreover, advising people publicly will,most of the time, accomplish the exact opposite of what is expected.Though some people may believe that it is often better to nurture yourself by yourself,the truth is that you probably won't achieve anything without the help of others because you can't observe your actions as objectively as your friends do.Several paradigms confirms the veracity the of my assertion bla,bla,bla.</p>
<ol>
<li>Proofread. Commas as floating around all over the place.</li>
<li>Agree on the "you"s–take 'em out.</li>
<li>“Several paradigms confirms the veracity the of my assertion” This is so pretentious it’s not even funny. And it’s not even grammatically correct. Paradigms = plural. confirms = singular. Paradigms CONFIRM. </li>
</ol>
<p>@jkjeremy I have the same feeling about the length of intro too.Is that bad?I didn’t want to write my thesis and examples and carry on to the body.I thought elaborating your point(stating why you support this point) is better.</p>
<p>@bodangles About your second and third point(that grammatical mistake is a consequence of being in hurry) , I totally agree.However, about your first point I am sure(99%) that the commas are used correctly.In fact,I did fill the essay with construction that need commas to look more rhetorical.I am not totally sure about this,but sentence construction variation makes you look more mature. </p>
<p>@meumeu Oh no, I agree with you that they are placed correctly. I just meant the fact that some of them have space before them (hello , I am) where it should be “hello, I am.” Or there’s no space on either side, etc. Just check over your spacing is all. I also agree about variation of sentence construction/complexity, you’re totally right there.</p>
<p>I would change some of the showy wording. Sometimes using bigger words makes paragraphs look bulkier and more redundant than necessary. Other than that, it looks like a decent intro…</p>
<p>Reading the entire intro, i can see several problems associated with your style of writing intro. Personally, i feel that you should get directly to the point, as directly as possible. Remember that the intro introduces your thesis and your main arguments throughout the essay. Were i to be qualified to grade your essay, i would enjoy short, pertinent and clear introduction and therefore would get really annoyed by your convoluted and wordy style existing in the introduction. Also, you only have 25 mins to write your essay, leaving you only 4-5 mins to have a short yet well-written introduction. So dont be too picky in words and sentence structures.
Other than that, your style of writing definitely fits well in the body paragraph since the context sounds “intellectual”. I dont see any problems with big words since your intro contains few, if at all, words considered “big”. But really, “pretentious” and “hypocritical” are just daily used words.
Check out “how to write a 12 essay in 10 days” also on this forum.</p>
<p>I think it is more complicated, and suggests a more complicated essay, than you want. The original distinction is between criticizing and not criticizing. It looks like your are attempting that AND making a distinction between public criticism and private criticism. That’s a lot to handle in a short, timed essay.</p>
<p>I suggest emphasizing the former. Defend the value of criticism. Most of your essay (hence most of your introduction) should do that. Add the public-private distinction as a final section. You may or may not reveal it in your introduction. If you do, it would work best as a single sentence, probably at the end of it.</p>
<p>@CandyPants16 They cant downgrade me for being showy. Can they? o.o</p>
<p>@Sparkkid1234 Btw, I usually write the intro with brainstorming examples in 6 mins.Is that a bit long? I read “how to write a 12 essay in 10 days” before.The thing is that I know simplicity is great ,but I am trying to impress the readers from the beginning.Most probably wont read most of my essay.</p>
<p>@WasatchWriter Will an example that supports only my original distinction between criticizing and not criticizing hurt me?</p>
<p>It is nice to see people who are considerate in this forum.
Thank you!</p>
<p>“I have the same feeling about the length of intro too.Is that bad?”</p>
<p>This entire approach to the intro is an inefficient use of your time. </p>
<p>" I read “how to write a 12 essay in 10 days” before."</p>
<p>An effective writer will score high despite using such a “template.” Likewise, a kid who can’t write (and I’m not saying that you’re one of these) will receive a single-digit score no matter what template he uses. </p>
<p>“Most probably wont read most of my essay.”</p>
<p>People make this silly claim all the time. Let me assure you that it is false.</p>