Score my essay please! :-)

<p>I'm taking it for the first time this year next Saturday, the 26th! Here's the essay I wrote for practice ;-) Thanks so much!!! I have a few things to say about this essay, but I'll refrain till I hear your comments :-P I don't want to skew your opinions before they're formed! I'll gladly grade your essay if you grade mine!</p>

<p>Prompt: Are we free to make our own decisions in life, or are our decisions always limited by the rules of society?</p>

<p>Society is a powerful thing. It has the power to accomplish anything, and can sway the minds of the people to an inordinate amount. However, no matter what the rest of society believes and limits, it is unable to limit one's thoughts. I believe that we are free to make our own decisions in life, no matter what rules of society there may be.</p>

<p>First, people make decisions that aren't limited by the rules of society countless times in the history of civil rights activists. *(awkward sentence :-P I was feeling a little too pressed for time here) Take, for example, Mahatma Gandhi. In India, from the 1900-1930's, the people of India had succumbed to the British's rules of society. They were not to demur any law or action of the British government, and were basically to keep their mouths closed and blindly follow the government. However, Gandhi ignored these so-called "rules" of society, and spoke up for his country, evincing the various problems with the British rule. The fact that he brought forth his opinion and publicly decried the government, while disregarding the "rules" of society shows that we are free to make our own decisions without being limited in society. Mahatma Gandhi eventually brought freedom to India from the British government, and you can see examples of disregard of the rules of society in many others leaders, such as Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, and so on.</p>

<p>Another example of being free to make one's own choices comes from a piece of literature, To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. One of the protagonists, Atticus Finch, is a lawyer who is to defend a black man who allegedly assaulted a white woman. Most other lawyers in the town would let the white woman win the case regardless of innocence, due to the fact that the town is revealed to be extremely racist. Atticus Finch, however goes against the "rules" of society that tell himm not to defend the black man. He defends the black man wholeheartedly, even though society disapproved of his opinion that the black man was innocent. Atticus Finch is hailed as one of literature's greatest heroes, and one can see that the "rules of society" are not limiting the actions of this man, who follows his opinions. Therefore, Atticus Finch shows that we are free to make our own choices in life.</p>

<p>In conclusion, society can attempt to limit our actions, but it cannot limit our thoughts, which lead to our actions. Examples of civil rights leaders, and Atticus Finch show us that we are free to make our own choices in life, without our decisions being limited by society.</p>

<p>Thanks so much!! Again, I will grade your essay if you grade mine :-)</p>

<p>Decent essay, I think it would score at least an 8. You have concrete ideas in here, but I think it would be even stronger if you omitted the transitional words (first, another example, in conclusion). This may be reflective of my own preferences, but I think it is less important to show your vocabulary in these essays than it is to show your original thoughts. So if you reword your first paragraph to be in a more basic sort of voice, I think the graders will be impressed. I.e. The conforms of society can limit the power of the individual…(elaborate in a few sentences) but the individual ultimately has the most power because people are able to think as they please, without needing society’s approval.</p>

<p>P.S. Not trying to be annoying, but I wouldn’t call Atticus the protagonist of To Kill A Mockingbird. I think Scout is really the true protagonist. That’s a great example, though.</p>

<p>Thank you! I would definitely say that this is the weakest of all the essays I’ve written- I had a really hard time coming up with examples, and then got a late start on writing, so it was a little crammed. I definitely agree though- my sentences were a little awkward, and I’ll try and omit the transitional words in the future. I feel like my introduction is a little weak, and it’s repetitive. </p>

<p>But anyways, thanks so much for your input! It helped a lot :-)</p>

<p>You’re welcome! I took the SAT twice, once in the fall and once in the spring of my junior year. I did much better on the essay the first time I took the SAT instead of the second. It took me so long to actually write the essays, both times! It’s hard to get all of the ideas out on the page for sure.</p>

<p>Nice! I’m definitely going to be taking it again in June- I really want to get past a 2100. I’m averaging like a 700-720 in writing, 710-730 in math (which is disappointing because math is my strongest subject, but I make a lot of stupid mistakes), and like a 620-640 in CR :stuck_out_tongue: My biggest downfall is the reading passages :-P</p>

<p>Sent from my SGH-T959V using CC</p>