<p>Could you guys score my SAT essay? I got a 7 from The Princeton Review. It's from their practice test book and after I scored it using their student tools they gave me a measly 7. I think mine deserves at least an 8. Please tell me what you'd grade it.</p>
<p>Society may limit our actions, but it cannot limit our thoughts. Even if society disapproves of our opinions, we are ultimately free to decide whatever we want. Those decisions may, of course, have consequences, but they are still ours to make.
Assignment: Do society's rules limit our decisions such that our choices are not freely made?</p>
<pre><code> I believe that even though society has a rigid hold on us, our choices are, ultimately, our own. Though we are bound by the rules of society and expected to comply, in the end, we have the final say in what we will do or not do. There are compelling examples in history and my own experiences to support this thesis.
When Galileo had scientifically proved that the Earth was not at the center of the universe, he was scoffed at by the Church and charged with heresy. Needless to say, he was put under house arrest. Society, which was largely under the Church at the time, had attempted to silence him and went to great lengths to do so. But Galileo did not go quietly into the night. He formed a secret society to spread his findings and, in doing so, broke society's hold on him. In the end it was his choice and he made his decision.
Sometimes society is the one looking out for us and even then we are free to do as we please. My uncles is a heavy smoker. Society tells us smoking is bad and rightly so. But he never listens nor does he care. Why? It's because it's his decision. He knows it's detrimental yet he chooses to do it. So even when society is benevolent, our choices are our own.
History tells us that even when society is oppressing us and imposing unfair rules, we are free to retaliate and do as we wish, albeit with consequences. My experiences with my uncle show that even when we are faced with a caring society, we can choose to ignore it. No matter the situation, society's rules cannot limit our decisions and choices.
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<p>By the way, here's The Princeton Review's feedback:
Hi Harsha! You have successfully expressed your views on the topic and have also cited apt examples to back them up. However, you could have given an additional example to broaden the scope of the essay. (I gave 2 good examples!) You also need to work on smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Best of luck!
Additional Feedback:
Using more varied vocabulary will allow you to express your ideas more precisely.
Always write a conclusion. (I DID WRITE A CONCLUSION!)
Use more varied sentence structure.
An additional example from history, literature, or current events would give your essay a broader reach.</p>