Score My SAT Essay (Comments Welcome)

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<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>"When people form opinions about someone or something, what affects them most is not substance but style. In other words, the way something appears or is presented is more important than what it actually is. This principle affects how people look at their leaders and their lives, the books they read, the products they buy, and even the subjects they take at school."</p>

<p>Assignment:
Is style more important than substance? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

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<p>Response:
In today's society, it appears as if style is more prominent than substance. People tend to ignore substance and quality, and only scrutinize superficially. Acclaim, applaud, and extol seem to go to the most popular or to the most "stylish". This futile method of evaluation has proven to be malevolent, and even deleterious. </p>

<pre><code> History has told this story countless times. Take for instance Adolf Hitler. He was an excellent rhetorician and elocutionist who wound up mesmerizing, brainwashing, and ultimately stimulating a whole country, if not empire, into killing six million Jews. Attendees of his speech often stated on interviews that they can't recall the content of his speeches, they solely remember his assertive, aggressive, but persuasive oratory skills and flamboyant hand gestures. Not to mention the Ancient Greek martinet Draconas, who convinced the country that he would be the optimal leader of Greece. However, people were not able to see past his words, and suffered as Draconas lead the nation into a period of misery. He eventually lead to the coining of the term "draconian."

Can it be that man kind has not learned form this mistake? It is presumably so. Last year Greenville, MI has elected the inexperienced Theodore Stuyvesant as its mayor. Despite her inexperience, she was a great elocutionist with a "style" liked by many voters. However, after a year the voters realized their mistake. They were greatly absorbed by her "style" that they neglected to take into her account her inexperience. She led to a rise in crime, she failed to conduct park renovations, and began to practice nepotism. It was the first time this city reached its nadir. 

It is evident that when examining an opinion, or anything of such consort, one must be prudent, and use judicious methods of scrutiny. "Style" should be overlooked, as it is not "style" that suffers with you when things go wrong. It is not "style" that sleeps with you at night during animosity. Only heaven knows if, or when, we will repeat this mistake.

</code></pre>

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<p>Please note that I am new to CC! If I violated any policy or general way of doing so please tell me! :-* </p>

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<p>bump</p>

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<p>I don’t think you violated anything, but I’m new too. ; ) I read your essay, it has excellent vocabulary and your examples are well developed and express your points very clearly. Your grammar was flawless and you expressed the points well. I’m no expert, but that’s what I noticed- hope it helps! And would you mind grading my essay? I’ll post it here, if you agree. </p>

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<p>Thank You very much @mayagurl7‌! And yes you can post it here too! Ill be glad to grade yours!</p>

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<p>Thanks so much!
Honesty is an undefined term: we all have a different meaning for the word. In modern culture, not expressing a certain thought or feeling is seen as trying to ignore it. The term honesty may be defined as an expression of all emotions, regardless of any details. But, if one really thinks about it, honesty does not mean expressing every detail, every impulse, every inclination… it means expressing thoughts that you are comfortable with expressing, and telling the truth when it is called for. Lying would be dishonest, cheating would be dishonest, but when you’re out with friends and you know someone’s secret, sharing it because you know it would not be honesty, that, in fact, would be a terrible thing to do. Thought about in its simplest terms, honesty is not what it is thought to be in our culture today.</p>

<p>During the Revolutionary War, on the battle on Trenton, when the Patriots attacked the Hessians by surprise, they were not dishonest. By this modern definition, the soldiers involved in the surprise attack were dishonest by not telling the Hessians that they would attack. If a soldier were to do so, inform the Hessians of their surprise attack, it would be an honest action, by the definition of our modern society. Obviously, this would not be an honest action, it would be an action of betrayal against the patriots. It is not honest to express every inclination and impulse. Soldiers expressing the intentions of the Patriots to the Hessians that day would’ve destroyed the Patriot side. The battle on Trenton was an inspiration that taught the Patriot side to push through the struggles and to fight for what they believed in… if a disloyal soldier were to be ‘honest’, then it would be very shameful for the patriot side, this so-called honesty, would be the defeat of the rebel army.</p>

<p>Another example of a situation in which ‘honesty’ would truly prove to be a bad thing, would be in surprise gift-giving. Every Christmas, people around the world celebrate the birth of Christ by attending church and giving surprise gifts to loved ones. It really would be terrible to ruin someone’s surprise, part of the fun of it all is anticipating what gifts you will receive. This anticipation is a vital element of the holiday tradition: would you want to ruin a wonderful surprise for someone by telling them: “Oh, to surprise you this Christmas, I’m going to buy you that sweater that you’ve been eyeing for months now!”. While your friend would appreciate the gift, the gift would be much more lovely if you would suppress the surprise till Christmas Day.</p>

<p>All in all, our culture has clearly become too confessional and self-expressive, as J. David Velleman says in his work,“The Genesis of Shame”. It is not honest to ruin a surprise or betray your side to the other nation. We’ve always condemned those who betrayed the good side to the bad throughout history, but by the modern culture’s definition, this would be ‘honest’. As is clearly illustrated in these examples, honesty is not telling everyone everything. Honesty is telling the truth and living your life with good character, and if honesty was telling everyone everything, then that would involve leaking secrets and betraying those who you love. Our modern culture clearly has a very twisted view of honesty if they cannot see these simple truths.</p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one’s thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.</p>

<p>Adapted from J. David Velleman, “The Genesis of Shame”</p>

<p>Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>You have no idea how much I appreciate!</p>