<p>I'm self studying apush, and I'm having some trouble with the DBQ. I wrote a sample one from the collegeboard website, but I'm not exactly sure how it is. I was wondering, could anyone be so kind and "grade" my essay?
I'm not aiming too high, so feel free to bash it in any way you can. It would be nice to get a number score, so I know what range I fall into. I wrote this within an hour (including the 15 mandatory minutes of reading), so I know grammar is a bit off.
Also, I know that I shouldve categorized my body paragraphs a bit better, but I'm not too good of an essay writer in limited time :P
Help would be greatly appreciated!!!!
Here's the prompt: Analyze the responses of Franklin D Roosevelts administration to the problems of<br>
the Great Depression How effective were these responses? How did they change<br>
the role of the federal government? The prosperity of the roaring 1920s left Americans unprepared for the economic depression they would be facing in the 1930s. On October 29th, 1929 (Black Tuesday), the stock market crashed, and President Hoover was expected to lift the nation back onto its feet. However, like many previous presidents, Hoover maintained the governments laissez-faire attitude in the economy. Soon after, the election of FDR and his many alphabet soup programs in his first 100 days addressed the nations call for help. Although Roosevelts administration was not very effective in curtailing the Great Depression, it left a lasting legacy in the role of the federal government by creating lasting programs, satisfying many of the needs of the citizens, and increasing the federal governments power.
Many government programs created from the New Deal are still intact today. One such program is Social Security (doc. E), the jewel of the New Deal. It addressed elderly citizens lack of care, and provided money for those over 65. Social security continues to be one of the biggest money-eaters of the federal budget. Other programs still intact today include the TVA (jobs in the Tennessee Valley), SEC (committee that regulates the stock market), and the FDIC (bank insurance).
The Roosevelt Administration also attempted to address the needs of citizens, both socially and economically. With great efforts from FDRs wife, Eleanor, women and Blacks gained some recognition and had improved rights. Some of the New Deal programs included Blacks (doc. I), and Roosevelt even appointed African Americans to his Brain Trusta group of close advisors (doc. H). The Great Depression also brought into light the questionable social expectations of women. During the depression, women were rarely seen waiting in bread lines and sleeping in the streets even thought they faced the same hardship (doc. A). the pride many of these women held influenced the need of these women to hide their suffering in order to fit a decent social image. Economically, Roosevelt attempted to provide relief to the citizens. One program enacted was the CCC. Unemployment increased sharply during the Great Depression (doc. J). The CCC provided jobs by planting trees, building roads and bridges, and many nationwide improvements. These welfare programs caused much controversy because some believed in less intervention of the government. The many jobs and aid these programs made possible caused some to compare the New Deal to steps toward socialism and communism (Doc. B).
Finally, the previous laissez-faire tradition was broken and a more intervening federal government has been established. The growth in the bureaucracy and the growth in deficit spending were questionable (Doc. D). FDR established an imperial presidency, and abused the immense power he had (one example was his proposed court-packing reform).
In conclusion, Roosevelts administration increased the role of the government in the economy. His New Deal programs were more successful in empowering the government than lightening the effect of the Depression.</p>
<p>hello ilovesleep,</p>
<p>i’m taking ap us this year as well, except i’m fortunate enough to have the benefit of being enrolled in a class :)</p>
<p>i’d say your essay would receive somewhere around a 5 or 6, which is pretty good. if you get most of your multiple choice questions right, you’re on track to getting a 5 or at least a high 4. the essay is a combination of rhetoric, historical information recall, and analysis. remember not to leave your analysis out–fewer pieces of evidence that are skillfully analyzed would likely reap a higher score than merely plopping as many facts as you can onto your paper. </p>
<p>your introduction doesn’t need to be that long (for purposes of conserving time), but securing a good first impression doesn’t hurt. just make sure you have time for the actual essay–i’ve heard readers oftentimes skip the introduction entirely and jump to the thesis, which is arguably the most important component. your thesis is done well – make sure you have the three or so points you will be arguing (just as you did), and that your phrasing isn’t too specific or too narrow. the only adjustment i would possibly make to your thesis is swelling the language–add some rhetoric. </p>
<p>oh, and make sure you have topic sentences, and that the evidence in each body paragraph endeavors to prove your point. your third paragraph is definitely too short, but i’ll assume you ran out of time. EXPAND on what you say. for example, you give the example of the court-packing reform. what did FDR attempt to change about the court system? he tried to get Congress to add a new justice for each current justice above a certain age (65?). his objective was to tip the liberal-conservative balance in his favor so that he could pass his New Deal legislation without the conservative members of the Court constantly scrutinizing him. explain, expand, focus on each piece of evidence for a few sentences. </p>
<p>good luck!</p>
<p>I received a 5 last year on the APUSH exam. </p>
<p>First of all, this essay would receive a 3 or 4. Here’s why. First, anyone could write it. DBQs must not only incorporate [.5(n) + 1] Documents (n is the number of docs), but also show significant knowledge of the topic addressed. You MUST use outside information like you would an FRQ. Only use the documents as confirmation, not as sources of your ideas. If each body paragraph (try for at least 2) has 4 or 5 pieces of outside information with 2-3 Docs incorporated, then you’re on your way to a 7, 8, or even 9 essay. My teacher used to grade AP exams, so I’m speaking from experience. Graders would prefer less documents with more external knowledge than they would more documents with little synthesis of information. </p>
<p>Your one body paragraph fails to show full understanding of the topic and is more of a regurgitation of the Docs.</p>
<p>Final advice for planning time : 1. Determine your 2 or 3 general points (1 key point per paragraph) for the essay 2. Remember as much info as you can to support each point. 3. Find the documents you’d like to include in each paragraph 4. Write a 4 sentence intro with a strong thesis that does NOT repeat the question (Note: only 2-3 intro sentences required for FRQ). 5. Write the rest of the essay.</p>
<p>Last year, the DBQ was on colonial crap, so I was mad because that was the one section I neglected. You can be sure it won’t be pre-revolution. Good luck!</p>
<p>Here’s a sample format for FRQs/DBQs:</p>
<p>Intro paragraph:
Intro sentence (time period from given info, etc.)
Thesis: answer question w/ 2-4 prongs</p>
<p>Body Paragraphs:
Topic sentence
Discuss your factual info (for DBQs, that would be the documents)
Clearly state how it answers your thesis
Don’t bother w/ conclusion sentences; you’re pressed for time</p>
<p>Conclusion:
Restate thesis
A sentence on how the topic relates to today or later in history</p>
<p>I usually get 9s from my teacher.</p>
<p>Other tips:
Don’t stop writing. Include lots of outside info (especially for the DBQs)
Don’t bother brainstorming. My teacher makes us make a brainstorm chart before we start writing, but I find that highly inefficient, so I just write down info as I go in the body paragraphs.
Don’t write a document-driven DBQ. Use as much outside info as document info.
For the documents, skim them, get the general idea, and categorize them into your 2-4 prongs. When you weave the docs into your essay, be sure to address the author and give background info on him/her.</p>
<p>Random Question: Are you required to use at least half of the documents?</p>
<p>^ If you want to get a decent score, yes.</p>
<p>You can omit a document and still get a 9 if you write a good essay. Then again, I always include all the documents anyway.</p>
<p>thanks everyone!!! all the info really helps!
now…back to writing my essays :P</p>