<p>I agree with don’t ask, don’t tell, but sometimes it is difficult. Son did extremely well on PSAT this year. He is known at his schools as a good student and he had both peers and teachers immediately asking him how he did when scores were released. At first, I told him he was not to give his specific scores and simply humbly say that he did well. He told me being evasive was not working and his response evolved into that he had made the likely cut-off for NMSF. He continued to get pressured and finally I relented and told him to use his best judgment in how much information to relate.</p>
<p>I see the same thing happening with applications and acceptances. I have told him we will likely not get into detail. I can’t imagine he will enjoy the pressure of being repeatedly asked “did you get into XYZ” or having to relate he did not get into XYZ. </p>
<p>I would never ask anyone face to face what they were given in merit aid. While getting some sense of stats and merit awards in a private message session through CC has been helpful to get some sense of what is needed to qualify and what may be available in terms of merit, I still feel embarrassed in asking.</p>
<p>There is a party just for the parent of seniors at my D’s school next week. After having suffered through a small Christmas party with this group, I am carefully avoiding this event. I really don’t want to be asked where my D is applying or where she has gotten in. At the Christmas party, my D was the strongest student (It is a small HS), and although I offered (and asked!) little, it was clear that there was some jealousy from some parents whose kids who had been deferred or rejected.</p>
<p>Our kids’ HS lists all the graduating seniors & where they plan to attend (or gap) after graduation. There are a few merit awards bestowed at graduation (usually only about a dozen for $1000 or so apiece out of the 200+ graduates). They also have some awards ceremonies every semester. They don’t make a big deal of NMFs & don’t even list them or provide any designation in the graduation program (tho they do provide a listing & photo for the local newspaper after the names have been announced).</p>
<p>Generally, don’t recall anyone asking about any awards–spoke with close friends about schools that give significant merit aid and asked the HS GC which schools were likely to offer merit aid to S, given his stats. S based much of his college app list on GC’s suggestions. Some Us are known to give merit awards to all accepted NMFs, which is commonly known in our HS & why S & many of his classmates chose their U. There were of course families who were shocked & dismayed that their kids were accepted but the gap between the offer & costs was too great for them to bridge. </p>
<p>To me, it’s always awkward in HS senior year & even early freshman year. It’s also awkward around college graduation–some kids have jobs or grad school plans while other kids don’t know what they’ll be doing (& neither do their folks). It was very awkward for D when she left HS after junior year & started CC as well. I try to stick with only the most general questions except for folks I know very well and am seriously interested in supporting to avoid sticky situations.</p>
<p>When S was in a very competitive small HS, the big question was where is he applying? After my times of practice, I found a great way to answer was to list the schools that everyone else was applying too! Whether it was true or not it, didn’t matter, it put a end to the conversation-- too boring or an answer which didn’t reveal anything.</p>
<p>Kids at D’s school are telling it all on Facebook. She’s a jr. and they all know each other’s PSAT scores. Maybe I’m naive, but really they seem to be cheering each other on, learning how different they all are from each other, rather than getting jealously competitive. It’s a very diverse socioeconomic group, and while the school is good and always sends some to top colleges, 25% will not go on to college-- maybe that puts things in perspective. But I like the general transparency. I suppose next year at this time I may feel very different.</p>