A new trend that I find disturbing...

Parents Forum
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<p>After seeing kids at my daughters high school on edge about decisions this week the question now turns from "where did you get accepted?" to "how much money did you get?".</p>

<p>While I realize that financial aid is a huge factor in the decision as to where one goes to college, I find it concerning that the success of gettng into selective colleges is now tempered by how much $$ they give you to go. </p>

<p>Whether its merit aid or need-based aid, I personally think this should be a private matter between parents and children.</p>

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<p>Not sharing that data is certainly your right. But why does it disturb you that others talk about it?</p>

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I find it concerning that the success of getting into selective colleges is now tempered by how much $$ they give you to go.

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<p>Where I live it has always been "Where did I get in? " and "Can I afford to go?". I can't see that as a change from when I went to school in the 70's. The numbers? Those changed but affordability was still a major deciding factor even when the buffalo roamed free across the plains.</p>

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<p>Heck, the more I think about it, IMO CC wouldn't exist (or be worth much if it did) if this and other data wasn't exchanged on here.</p>

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<p>My point is not that this type of discussion shouldn't happen on a board like this, because I have found amazingly informative parents here that have helped us navigate the maze.</p>

<p>I am just stating a personal observation that my daughter's accomplishments seem to be minimized by others at her school, even though she is going to a great college next year, because she didnt qualify for need-based aid or medit aid.</p>

<p>There seems to be a new-found sense of entitlement among some high school seniors - many of whom post on this board... "I was accepted to XYZ college but no money so I cant go..." As parents we knew that we would have to pay the full $ for my daughter and had no expectations otherwise. Would I have liked her to get some merit aid, sure, but none was given and I am ready to pay...I guess...</p>

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<p>I wouldn't call this disturbing, but that is my opinion. THis has been a big issue for my kids for a long time. The Catholic highschool where one of mine went makes it a big deal as it not only lists where their students are accepted, but what merit awards they receive. They may even be aid within need; I never really looked that closely at them. But they do like to announce how much in scholarships their students were awarded as well as how many different colleges with details available on their on site boards. That would certainly lend itself to talk about "how much did you get " along with whether you were accepted.</p>

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<p>cptofthe house, if I were a parent at your school I'd complain. How much money students are offered is no one else's business. How does the school even know? Do they ask the students/parents? </p>

<p>My DS was offered a large merit scholarship which he turned down to attend a different school that was a better fit for him. I certainly wouldn't want to be justifying to other parents how we came to that decision - it's personal.</p>

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<p>They've been doing this for years. The information is received from the students who willingly give it to them. They do not have all of the information because they only post what they get from the original accept and award letters since they want it verified. I certainly am not going to complain. No one has to tell the high school anything. Without the letters, they don't post a thing. This is something to help future students and you do not have to participate. You do not have to tell the school anything except where to send the final transcript and they won't report the college choice just on that basis, at least not my kid's school. And you don't have to justify a thing. From the looks of the info that I have been seeing for the past 10 years, a lot of kids freely give information. It is not comprehensive, I am aware, because there is no accounting for who did not give information, but it is rare that there is no college listed behind a kid's name. I guess you don't even have to be listed on the board, for that matter, but it looks like nearly all of the kids are.</p>

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<p>Wow.... I'd give them my kid's acceptances, but not the money info. Just too much bragging, too much competitiveness, IMHO.</p>

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<p>I remember one girl when D was a sophomore, was going on and on about how her brother got * so much money* from Yale.</p>

<p>The other girls ( I was a chaperone on a three day field trip), were relatively naive about the college process, so I felt it was my job, to gently educate them. I pointed out that while it was indeed very impressive and difficult to be admitted to a university like Yale, but like many other of the very top schools, they don't offer merit aid, because it is assumed * everyone* would qualify, however they do offer need based aid, over your EFC.
I went on to explain that D's older sister had a friend who was a NMS, and who only got $1,000 for that from the school she attended. That honors colleges often were a better financial deal for really strong students, than a private college for many families and that there were lots of schools out there and they all had strenghts and weaknesses for different people. ( then they went back to discussing the gang of raccoons that tried to get into their tent)</p>

<p>I don't mind telling how much aid we get, but I normally don't really extrapolate aid -loans. I don't remember numbers either- but I remember our EFC!</p>

<p>Some kids like to talk about numbers- how much they paid for gas, what a deal they got on those Rock and Republic jeans, how big their girlfriends b00bs are.
:rolleyes:
If you don't want your kids to share financial information, which is a reasonable desire, just tell them.</p>

<p>I also would say- I think as long as accurate information is being used, it can be good to get a broader base of info out there.</p>

<p>There * are* schools which will admit top students, but gap their aid. There are schools that will offer freshman very attractive packages and switch grants to loans the next year. There are schools who will assign students to the waitlist instead of denying them, when the waitlist is larger than their entire freshman class.</p>

<p>Money wasn't really talked about when I was growing up, ( neither was sex), I don't think that is a good thing.</p>

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<p>It's up to you. There are parents here that do not want their kids names released on ANY list for privacy reasons and good ones. That means directories, newsletters, honor roll, etc. That's fine. When you are that private, you do have to let the school know so the name does not show up when lists are automatically generated, but the college accept information is one that not only does the student have to give the counselors the info, but have to back it up with the original letters and acceptance. They don't have to give out anything if they don't want to do so. </p>

<p>It is very helpful for others at the school to know that there are certain colleges that have some nice scholarship awards that seem to go to kids at that high school. But absolutely there was no pressure to supply the info. My son did so very willingly as did most of the kids.</p>

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<p>While I am not choosing to post my S's award amounts, I find it extremely helpful to see what schools award what funds to which students with which stats - if for no other reason than to help my S see that he is not the only smart student who was denied funds at a certain school. The whole application/financial aid process has been very educational. We have learned which schools have little recruitment funds and which ones have tons of money, if you can make the cut. I will use this new-found knowledge to help my daughter make sound decisions about which schools are worth the application fee and which ones don't have the funds to offer her.</p>

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<p>I took a quick peek at the info from S's old school that was in their end of the year alumni and news magazine. It looked like the awards were listed most the time by their names but not always by amounts. But surprisingly, many kids gave out the information. It is a wealth of data for future students. And it does not look like financial aid awards are included, though I cannot be sure as they could have some designated name and I would not be able to tell if that is the case.</p>

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<p>I do agree that using some historical information to plan upfront which colleges to consider is a really good thing to do. My original post really centered on the emotional ordeal these kids are all going through. First it was "what schools are you applying to?" then it was "what was youe SAT / ACT score?", then it was "what schools are you accepted to?" and now it is "how much money did you get?" </p>

<p>Bragging rights will never go away but it seems like the kid's focus has now shifted from their academic prowess to their parent's financial ablility to pay in their everyday conversations. And that in my mind is wrong and does a disservice to their 4 years of incredibly hard work.</p>

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<p>People are bragging about how much need-based finaid they get offered? How very strange. Isn't that sort of bragging about how low your or your parents' income is?</p>

<p>I would have thought if there were any tacky bragging to be done it would be by people who don't qualify for need-based aid. They'd basically be saying "I'm rich!"</p>

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<p>Many times the talk from kids and family is not reliable. Financial aid, merit awards, loans are all mixed up and you don't really know what anyone got. I heard so many lies that I believed until I went through the process with our kids. There were folks getting athletic awards from D3, Ivy schools, schools that adamently said they do not give athletic awards in that particular sport. Kids were bragging about scholarships from schools that say they absolutely do not give anything other than need based aid. So you cannot go by what people say. </p>

<p>The school info that my oldest's school posts is pretty accurate, but still not 100% as mistakes can be made and not everyone reports everything.</p>

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<p>My S' high school does a senior survey at year end that asks where they will attend and how much total scholarship $$ offered from all school accepted. The school then announces at graduation that the class of -09 received over $xxMillion in scholarship offers. Sounds impressive, but if you aren't attending, you don't get the $$.</p>

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<p>I believe that most seniors do not know how financial aid or merit aid works. I think that many seniors confuse FA with merit aid. When they see a great amount of financial aid grants offered to them, they often feel that the school has noticed their achievements. My older son heard bragging in his school too. Seniors do not realize that the person who was offered unusually huge grant money is not only a well deserving student, but the family situation might be that dad is in a nursing home bc he had a stroke and mom is now the only bread winner paying for college and has the burden of paying some nursing home bills, or there may be twins and another sister at school all at once, etc. In other words, seniors are not looking at the whole family picture. They are only looking at gpas, SAT/ACT scores, and ECs that they earned, and may be defining self worth by money offered as financial aid, and/or merit aid where FA might be a component.</p>

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<p>DD's chorus director requested merit award information and published it at the end of the year. It was somewhat helpful to those following, but I think she really was taking credit for it - IMHO.</p>

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<p>When we filled out the form for the request for the final transcript to be sent to the school S selected, there was a place to put information about applications, acceptances, awards. They did not know where he applied, because we got sealed copies of mid-year transcripts and sent them ourselves, and only one school required anything from his counselor. </p>

<p>We actually would have liked a little hoopla form the hs, but none was forthcoming.</p>