<p>We are on the first of our college visits seeing several top new england LACs and ivies. DD is not falling in love. Is this because we're wasting time when they are not in session? Are we not doing the right things (tour, interviews, walking around campus but no prof contacts)?</p>
<p>She has liked most of the schools, but no bonding feeling has come over her.</p>
<p>She 's a wise child. You did mention TopLACs and Ivies? She is probably afraid of "bonding", spending a year dreaming about her Dream School, and then feeling let down if she doesn't get in. I'm quoting the many posts on that subject. Give her time to see other, maybe less prestigious schools, so that she can feel she has a safety she really likes, and then she can let herself dream.</p>
<p>Why isn't she falling in love? Is she the kind of person who would expect to fall in love with . . . a campus?</p>
<p>Seriously, looking at the buildings and listening to the interchangeable tour guide spiel and the even-more-interchangeable information session is about 5% of the information you need or want. Not enough to fall in love, unless you are very prone to crushes.</p>
<p>(Visiting is waaaaay overrated.)</p>
<p>As long as she doesn't really DISlike every school you see, I wouldn't worry too much. Falling in love with a single ivy or top LAC probably makes for a lot more stress at admissions time anyway!</p>
<p>I loved some of the small, New England LAC's we saw (I could happily adjust to small town life in some of those places!) but S. felt they were too small and wanted the larger population and broader course offerings of somewhat larger schools (though not huge universities). Also, you might have a point about visiting in the summer-- I think it's helpful to visit while school is in session, if possible.</p>
<p>OK, so things aren't working out as planned. Are you going to keep pressing ahead with the original plan, or are you open to trying things differently? There have been any number of threads on CC addressing different approaches to visiting colleges. Many good suggestions therein, IMHO.</p>
<p>My oldest never really feel head over heels for his college, but by the May 1st deadline he had a first choice and has been happy there ever since. He's never been overly demonstrative, unless you count the mosh pit. My second fell in looooove, but not until he did an overnight in the spring after he was admitted. He did have a rabid reaction to another school that had been top on the list until a admitted student's visit.</p>
<p>This summer it is our daughter's turn. We've made some casual suggestions and some flexible plans. Her enthusiasm certainly does not match that of someone who has been talking about "when I go to college" since her brothers went off to school.</p>
<p>Count yourself lucky, I have heard stories whereby after driving all day a child has refused to even get out of the car because they already dislike the campus just on the first drive thru. I think the spring admitted students visits, when possible, are more helpful.</p>
<p>It could be she's just not that into Northeastern schools. It happens to California kids :) and there's nothing wrong with that. </p>
<p>PS My California niece was also underwhelmed, by the weather in particular.</p>
<p>I've always felt that visiting colleges in the summer is useful only as far as determining if the "look" of the campus is appealing, if the location is in a setting that "feels good" -city vrs town and distance and time to nearest amenities and airport, etc. When the list has been narrowed down, it is helpful to have the student visit colleges they are most interested in during the Fall of their senior year. The best time to fall in love or not is after acceptances are received in April.</p>
<p>I think you are doing the right thing. My son visited 14 schools during the summer -- all except one medium sized ivies or small LACs. He loved some, felt ambivalent about others, and violently disliked one or two. The reaction was always immediate and not especially logical or consistent. </p>
<p>Small schools especially have decisive personalities and reactions vary widely. One size does not fit all.</p>
<p>I think the only reaction that matters is violent dislike. That's a good reason to rule a school out.</p>
<p>Not falling in love is a good thing. She who doesn't fall in love won't be traumatized if her #1 choice rejects her or gives her inadequate financial aid.</p>
<p>It may simply be that aspects of a college other than its campus are more important to your daughter. Nothing wrong with that.</p>
<p>My daughter did fall in love when visiting campuses -- with Columbia. But several months later, she decided not to apply to Columbia for reasons that had nothing whatsoever to do with the campus or anything that happened during the visit. She decided that Columbia's Core Curriculum was not for her. She ended up applying and being accepted Early Decision to a different college, which had not evoked any strong feelings when she visited the campus but which had what she wanted in terms of academics, region, campus size, reputation, and other factors.</p>
<p>This is not a wasted tour -- you are learning what she likes and doesn't like, which will help her in making good choices next year. </p>
<p>Were you thinking "they're top schools -- why wouldn't she like them?" There are a lot of kids who say "meh" to the schools others assume they should be interested in. I have one of those kids.</p>
<p>What DS has found most helpful is to wander the halls of the departments he is interested in. At some schools, the walls were bare and noone was around; at others, the profs/advisors came out of their offices to say hello, the walls were covered with activities, awards, cartoons, etc. Both of these "extremes" happened on summer visits. Grab a meal in the cafeteria -- lots of campuses are open for summer school/camps.</p>
<p>I agree with JHS in saying that visiting is overrated unless it is a personalized, individual tour with someone who knows a whole lot about you and your goals. I visited a couple of 'top' universities with a bunch of nervous families desperate to get their kids accepted somewhere with name recognition and was hoping to 'fall in love' with them, but I didn't. I never ended up feeling much enthusiasm at all about any of the places I visited, so I wouldn't worry. Were you expecting your daughter to be overwhelmed by the prestige factor of these schools? She's probably wise beyond her years and is withholding judgment until she finds out more about her interests and how they fit with the school. I wouldn't worry about it.</p>
<p>I think the visits are good for the same reason other pointed out- finding out about what you like and don't like</p>
<p>think if it is like dating- you know that you don't want a guy who is into sports, or maybe you like the guy who loves cars, this touring gives the student a chance to start thinking, not just looking at the name, the glitz, etc., </p>
<p>the title is great btw</p>
<p>Another thought:</p>
<p>Your daughter may be processing what she's learning about colleges in ways that you haven't thought of.</p>
<p>For example, I see that you're from California but that you're looking at East Coast colleges. It's possible that she's looking at each school and thinking, "Is this really worth the travel and distance? Is it that much better than what I could get in California?"</p>
<p>Or she might be processing on the basis of her likely chances of admission (based on the experience of the students in the grade or two ahead of her at her school). Before arriving at Campus A, she might be thinking, "Better not get too attached to this place, no matter how nice it is. My chances of getting in here are slim." Or at Campus B, she might be thinking, "I can probably do better than this. Unless I find something here that I absolutely love, it will just be a safety school for me."</p>
<p>She may also have some preconceived notions that you know nothing about. I didn't realize until after we had visited Tufts, for example, that there was no way my daughter would ever want to apply there. Her reason: "No way do I want to be in the third-best university in a particular city. I would always feel inferior to the people at MIT and Harvard." There was no way to talk her out of this. The visit to Tufts was a waste of time.</p>
<p>Yes, it is a mistake to visit in the summer.</p>
<p>Personally, I think the best tour for students is a shared lunch and tour with a student they know (someone from their high school) and an opportunity to sit in on a few classes--with no parents in attendance.</p>
<p>The tours and info sessions are a bore--mostly because they are jammed to the gills with over-invested boomer parents.</p>
<p>my son was very turned off on a tour with the over-invested as you call them. :p </p>
<p>I wish there were more students from our neck of the woods to visit. I will say that the overnighters without parents were definitely favored by my kids.</p>
<p>With my daughter I had the west coast swing and my husband had the east coast swing. In California a quick drive through Cal Poly taught me she was NOT interested in a campus with cows. Needless to say, that also threw my alma mater out. And she decided she did not like Harvard because the grass was dead, or Penn because the sidewalks in Philadelphia were too narrow. She didn't like Boston College because it was too religious, and didn't like Georgetown because even though she hadn't chosen a major, she was sure it didn't have one she liked. At least the Georgetown one made sense. Me, I was just hoping she chose a University near a good spa.</p>
<p>She did come up with a list of schools that she liked to apply to and got into a few she absolutely loved. And being the California kid she is, she narrowed it down to New York or LA, and ended up in LA.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Yes, it is a mistake to visit in the summer.
Personally, I think the best tour for students is a shared lunch and tour with a student they know (someone from their high school) and an opportunity to sit in on a few classes--with no parents in attendance.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That would be ideal, but sometimes you don't know any students at a school to have lunch with, especially if the school is clear across the country. And sometimes summer is the only time you can go, especially when you have to travel clear across the country. It's better than not visiting at all.</p>
<p>I didn't see much point in visiting in the summer. As eastcoasters we did one spring break tour of CA spring break junior year. We saw Berkeley, Caltech and Stanford. Big, small, city, suburb. He'd been at small LAC type places in small towns as part of CTY and he'd seen my alma mater at a reunion. My son thought they all looked "fine". My younger son (who hates math and science) fell in love with Caltech! I thought I got more out of the tours than my kid! We didn't do any more tours until we saw where he got in, then he had much more invested in the process and took it a little more seriously.</p>
<p>A few eclectic comments in response to earlier comments ... </p>
<p>Personally I think visits can be a huge help ... but ONLY if the students are in session. Visits can allow a kid to get a feel of the campus and the students ... I can't imagine a more drab introduction than a mostly empty campus. Schools, like people, only get one chance to make a first impression ... personally, I wany my kids to see prospective schools at their best.</p>
<p>I hope my kids to fall in love with schools on visits ... personally I think schools are very different and that for most kids some schools will draw them in more than others ... and those will be the ones they "love". If they can understand what they love about the school (in my case ... great campus in college town with real people who were stealth intellectuals) then they can find other schools with similar attributes.</p>