<p>As we approach the climax of the admissions season and the acceptances are collected, it also marks the official kick-off of the most delicious part of the process: the switch from the kids begging the schools pick them to the schools begging the kids they have accepted to pick them. </p>
<p>I love the instant role reversal. Once the acceptance is offered, the power of choice immediately drains away from the school and to the student.</p>
<p>Yes, but…</p>
<p>If your kid is one of the ones who has plenty of choices – or if your kid was admitted a while back and has already made a decision – it’s important for the parents and student to remember that not everyone else is in such a pleasant situation.</p>
<p>Just as some kids will be winners in the admissions lottery, others will be losers. Those who will be attending their fifth or sixth choice school may take a while to adjust to that reality.</p>
<p>Even more painful is the experience of kids who are admitted to schools that they like, but without adequate financial aid. These kids may have to choose schools that cost less but that they consider less desirable.</p>
<p>It’s a time to enjoy being courted, yes, but it’s also a time for the more fortunate students who got into at least one college that the like and can afford to remember that others may not have been so lucky.</p>
<p>Let’s note that it’s also the year of the shoe being on the other foot for full pay (and can pay most) applicants to private colleges beyond a very few top ones. This was supposed to be the hardest year in history for these kids and it ended up being the easiest year in recent history. Amazing what can happen in one short year.</p>
<p>I’d also like to remind those who didn’t get into their top choices not to take it out on friends or classmates who did–even if you think you deserved the acceptance more than they did. </p>
<p>They know it hurts and in most cases they really wish you too got in. They aren’t responsible for the result, so don’t act as if they are.</p>
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<p>Yes, I know. There a still a few decisions to go, but so far, what you are saying applies to my own daughter. She has been rejected by one of her top choice schools, much to her disappointment, and accepted only by schools well down her list. But what I was commenting on was not so much the about the students but about the schools. I enjoy the sight of the all-powerful school overnight dropping out of its position of being courted and solicited by applicants and into the role of doing the courting and soliciting.</p>
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<p>We have had the “happy friend” talk at our house.</p>
<p>I remember a couple of my kids attending “accepted students” day at several schools. “Courted” is a good description. All of a sudden, instead of being a member of the herd of students on a tour, they were royalty.</p>
<p>Yes, I am already getting strange calls for D. Pick up phone, they ask for D, I dont recognize caller, I ask who is calling and answer is it [blank] from [blank college].</p>
<p>I do feel terrible that she wont go to the one safety that was really reall nice to her, and we do tell eveyone that we visited this school and it is great.</p>
<p>Of course, all of this “switch” is a matter of our perception. At the colleges themselves, things are much more consistent. They don’t consider themselves “all-powerful” (except for the ones who really sort of are); they are always aware that they are in the business of attracting the best applicants and enrollees that they can. I don’t think any of the admissions people get any pleasure at all out of rejecting qualified applicants. That’s just a necessary, unpleasant part of their job that really only takes up about a month of their time – maybe 10% of it, taking into account vacations.</p>
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<p>In fact, I would expect that most find this unpleasant.</p>
<p>I don’t know if it works this way everywhere, but at least at MIT, many applicants would end up with one particular adcom who took a liking to their app, who rooted for them, and was their advocate in committee discussions, the one trying to persuade the rest of the committee that this particular kid was the right call. In my experience talking to the adcoms, they were especially happy about those of “their” applicants who got in…and dejected about those of “their” applicants who got turned down.</p>
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<p>Yes, yes, yes. People can really mess their “friends” up by insinuating or stating outright that they didn’t deserve to get in somewhere, that they only got in because of [whatever].</p>
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<p>There’s a downside to all that courting. </p>
<p>Accepted students events that are heavily orchestrated to woo admitted-but-not-committed students can give an inaccurate picture of campus life. The administration, after all, wants to mask the warts to the extent possible. I’m a fan of making an overnight visit during an “ordinary” time. Even though you don’t get the chance to meet some of the kids who will be your classmates next year, you do get a more unvarnished look at the school. </p>
<p>I think this is especially important for kids who are considering smaller schools. It’s vital for them to understand the prevailing culture on campus, something that can be hard to do during the dog and pony show of an admitted students event. We learned this the hard way in our family. Our D started college at a rural LAC and wound up transferring, mostly because the LAC, although a good fit academically, was a poor fit socially/culturally. She is certain she would have figured out the mismatch if she had done an overnight during an ordinary period, not just during admitted students days.</p>
<p>My point is that we spend lots of time obsessing about Admissions Committees’ role as gatekeepers and adjudicators of who is and is not worthy. But from their standpoint, that’s a pretty minor aspect of their job, and not a part they particularly like.</p>
<p>And I agree with jessiehl 100%. Resentment towards classmates hurts and undermines them, and really hurts and undermines the resenters, too. Much better to concentrate on appreciating the opportunities you have, and planning how to exploit them, than to stew over why Peggy got into XYZU and I didn’t.</p>