<p>If a student grew up in a severely dysfunctional household with a (diagnosed, once hospitalized) mentally ill and consequently abusive parent, culminating in her parents' divorce during her senior year of high school, should that be mentioned anywhere in the application?</p>
<p>Would it shed light on strengths that may not otherwise be apparent (perseverance, character, ability to overcome obstacles), or would it look like self-pity and oversharing?</p>
<p>Does it make any difference whether it's the applicant herself who writes about the situation, or another close friend or relative?
Or is it better not alluded to at all?</p>
<p>The student herself does not suffer from mental illness and has been an academic high achiever, but obviously she's had more than most teens to contend with.</p>
<p>If anyone writes a rec, it should be the GC or a teacher. Did this affect your grades negatively? If so, maybe one of those recommenders can mention that in a letter.</p>
<p>If she’s comfortable making it the subject of her essay, that’s not something to rule out, but I would make sure the essay was read carefully by trusted teachers or the GC beforehand (can be a fine line between moving and personal, and uncomfortable overshare). </p>
<p>Best would probably be to get the GC to write about it as an example of something the student has overcome, but then again, only if the student is comfortable sharing this with the GC.</p>
<p>It’s not me, but someone very close to me. Her grades aren’t low enough to require an explanation (A- average, most challenging course load) though it’s been a struggle to maintain them, given the stress she’s under at home. I don’t know if she’d be comfortable mentioning it to her guidance counselor, but I’ll ask her if it’s something she’d consider.</p>
<p>Is there someone else, such as yourself, or a teacher she is close to or her advisor at her HS who knows of her situation who could write an additional letter of recommendation?</p>
<p>I asked, and she’s not comfortable talking to her guidance counselor about it. Her suggestion was to include an explanatory paragraph under “additional information,” but she isn’t sure how that would come across. I would write something myself but have the inclination that a letter from an older sibling might hurt more than help. </p>
<p>The situation has deteriorated in the last few months (mother’s hospitalization due to repeated suicide threats, diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, and relentless verbal and emotional abuse; father’s decision to finally file for divorce) and it is beginning to affect her grades… she’s still around a B+ average for this term, but senior fall is a bad time to start slipping. I wish I could do something to get her out of there, at least until applications are in, but I just don’t have the money. :(</p>
<p>edited to add that the raging, blaming, smearing, accusing, name-calling, occasional physical attacking, etc. is up to several hours daily at this point, primarily directed at her father, but it’s obviously affecting everyone.</p>
<p>is there another adult, or a relative living nearby or the home of a close friend where she can get away from this situation for a few months while continuing with school? If she does not want to talk to her GC about the home situation, which I think is a mistake, is there a trusted teacher who could write an additional letter of recommendation mentioning the unsettled situation that your sister has had to deal with, and how she has been able to do so well in class despite the upheaval at home? She should not be trying to “tough it out on her own” if help or support is available for the asking.</p>
<p>Relentless verbal and emotional abuse for several hours daily is just that – abuse. Physical attacks, that with such an unstable individual could just as well be directed to the child as to the spouse, are scary and dangerous. Agree completely with menloparkmom. It is important to get this child out of the house. Yesterday. No one should have to live in this situation. I also think that if you could encourage her to talk with her GC or someone else she trusts at school (Does this school have an actual therapist type counselor or psychologist around?), it could be helpful.</p>
<p>Oh God, how awful for you guys. (I infer from your comment about “an older sibling” writing a rec, that you are her older sister)…It is good of you to step in and try to get the right information for her, but make sure to take care of yourself in all of this as well. If there is another family member she might be able to stay with, that would be the best for everyone, including the mother, actually, who is literally “beside” herself and does not understand what she is doing. I’m so sorry you are going through this and I hope you will all seek counseling as soon as you possibly can. Like yesterday. She should also get counseling as soon as she gets to college (though this is getting ahead of it all) as she may really experience PTSD symptoms once she is out of immediate danger. If you are living in this environment, as well, you need to get help for this, too, or even if you aren’t living with it physically. Seeing this kind of thing happen and not being able to stop it is as damaging, in some ways, as actually being there. The sooner it is treated, the better the results. </p>
<p>As for the recommendation, is there anyone at all in the school, any trusted teacher, who knows what is going on who could write her a personal rec? A coach? A drama sponsor? Anything like that?</p>
<p>I don’t think a letter from you would be untoward. You know so much more than a guidance counselor; many people don’t know anything about BPD and the toll it takes. The school may not read the letter or include it in their evaluation as a matter of policy, but I think you should give it a try.</p>
<p>Because this is the environment we grew up in, I’m always caught off-guard by how strongly people on the outside react to it. Of course we always knew something wasn’t quite right, but the idea that this is seriously unacceptable behavior that no one should have to live with didn’t register until I went away for college. </p>
<p>I’m a junior but off campus this term, and living at home because my internship is unpaid. (I’ve been applying for part-time jobs for the last six weeks, but no success so far.) I deliberately chose this term to be home so I could be there for my sister’s senior fall, but there’s only so much I can do to make things better. I can help edit her essays, sit up late with her when she has a paper due the next day, and hold her when she’s crying and remind her that the accusations and conspiracy theories aren’t real, but I can’t get rid of the tension or the negativity.</p>
<p>Our family moved two years ago, from an area where we had a limited social network to one where we have none. Because she’s still fairly new to her high school, she hasn’t developed strong relationships there yet, either with teachers or with other students. She’s also embarrassed about the situation and doesn’t want anyone to know how bad things are. Any friends she’d feel comfortable staying with temporarily live four hours away, and our closest family is in Indianapolis (we’re on the East Coast). I’ll definitely ask if there is anybody else at school that she could talk to, but the isolation complicates things.</p>