Should I go to a college far away? Is it worth it?

College Search & Selection
1

<p>I really want to go to NYU-I love the city life, it keeps me energized, and I feel cozied by it no matter how cold it is.
I am, worried, however that I'm not gonna have the college experience if I don't go away. I live in suburban NYC, it's hella boring, and my parents never let me go out (I'm 18 now..). They used to let me go to little birthday parties, but as I got older, they thought that keeping me at home would be the best so that I can "focus" on my studies. I didn't want to fight against them, so I just obeyed and rarely went out.</p>

<p>Now, I feel like I've become antisocial. I feel so left out at school when my friends talk about their fun weekends. I have friends, but I have to try so much harder because I don't hang out with them and so I have to learn to understand others and "make myself" interesting. Even the smallest ounce of socializing makes me feel like I can breathe again, because I rarely experience it.</p>

<p>So, would going to NYU be a big mistake? IT would be "stepping outside" of my comfort zone because I've lived in suburban NYC most of my life, but at the same time, my parents might expect me to go home a lot...which I don't want to do</p>

2

<p>NYU is pricey with notoriously poor financial aid. Why don’t you look at other schools a couple hours away (so you can’t just trot home on a whim, and it is harder for them to drop in on you), but still in the northeast? How about schools in DC, Baltimore, Boston, or Philadelphia?</p>

3

<p>Obviously many New Yorkers go to NYU and have a perfectly wonderful college experience. There’s no rule that says you can’t push your boundaries trying new experiences while still within commuting range of the house. But have you talked to your parents about their expectations? There’s no point in getting vested in any particular school if you 1) can’t afford it and/or 2) your parents aren’t going to allow it (or they require you to live at home or come back on the weekends?)</p>

4

<p>Thanks for the responses!! I am not eligible for financial aid because our home income is above $100,000. It’s not going to make a difference if I go out of state. </p>

<p>The main question is, I guess, do parents WANT their kids to have a college experience? Maybe I’m just making presumptions about how controlling my parents are going to be?</p>

5

<p>What does ‘the college experience’ mean to you? And to your parents, for that matter? Sounds like a good conversation to have, right?</p>

<p>I think most parents want their kids to have a good experience in college - meaning one that helps them mature, figure out what they want to do personally and professionally, better understand their strengths and weaknesses, learn to value where they’ve come from and how to use it to their advantage, make lifelong friends, find mentors, etc…They also want them to be safe. </p>

<p>Find out what it is your parents want for you and help them understand what you want for you to the extent you can articulate it. This isn’t a one-time conversation. It evolves over the years. If you haven’t been having these talks already, now is a great time to start.</p>

<p>And don’t make assumptions about financial aid and what you are eligible for. You need to run the expected financial contribution calculators on the college web sites to see what the school would expect your family to pay.</p>

6

<p>I don’t think it matters what a bunch of strangers on the internet think a college experience “should” be. That is something you need to discuss with your parents. You might want to approach it from the viewpoint of whether you can live on campus when you go to college, that is often a sticking point with parents, especially if they are from another culture/first generation in the US. If you are female, you might sound them out about women’s colleges (sometimes more acceptable to parents). You also need to think about what is important to you – maybe not focus so much on NYC itself as much. Look more at majors, campus experience, size, college atmosphere, what is acceptable to your parents, and what your family can afford (and your parents are willing to pay for).</p>

7

<p>Even with a >$100K family income, you may qualify for aid based upon other family factors.</p>

8

<p>At all the elite colleges, you’d qualify for some financial aid (based on “need”) due to your income. At HYPMS essentially you’re considered “needy” up to $180,000/year :). However you definitely don’t qualify for financial aid at state/city colleges. Finally, there’s merit aid, which doesn’t depend on your financial need but (essentially) on your SAT scores and what else you have that’s impressive.</p>

<p>(So, by making you focus on your studies, your parents may well have given you the best gift of all, that of choice, since you may qualify for a lot of merit scholarships, automatic scholarships such as U Alabama’s, and competitive scholarships that are detailed on the “financial aid” sticky threads).</p>

<p>I agree that rather than broaching NYU or New York City, see how they’d feel about you attending
Your parents sound unusually controlling - most parents don’t mind their kid socializing outside of school, even if some do not condone parties and frown on co-ed, unchaperoned activities. If you’re a girl and you sense that their refusal to let you out of the house except for school is related to your gender, I second the idea of starting by floating women’s colleges. Some are extremely prestigious like the 7sisters or Scripps (look up Hilary Clinton, Madeline Albright, Barbara Bush to have an idea of where power women went to school). We don’t know your stats so we don’t know whether you’d qualify but here’s a variety of women’s colleges with different selectivity levels: Wellesley, Barnard, Bryn Mawr, Mount Holyoke, Agnes Scott, Mills.
Then, look at colleges located in cities NOT NYC. THere are plenty of dynamic cities like NYC that you can’t commute to. If you apply to NYU could your parents want you to commute?
It’s also a good idea to know whether they’ll only allow you to attend college if you commute, but if you start by floating schools far away they may become more amenable to schools in NYC since by comparison they will see “close”. And if you really don’t want to commute (especially since that may not allow you to “grow up”) you have the option of the scholarships in the financial aid forum sticky threads - if you win a full ride somewhere, you can choose to go wherever you want, although of course your parents still have to fill out the FAFSA even if they don’t have to pay anything.</p>

9

<p>You need to ask your parents how much they’ll pay for college each year. If they are so controlling, they may want you to commute from home so that you’re not “distracted” by the social side of college.</p>

<p>Your parents may have no intention of paying $60k per year for NYU or similar…if that’s the case, then NYU isn’t possible.</p>

<p>What is your major?</p>

<p>What are your stats?</p>

10

<p>Are you a senior? If I were you I’d like to get as far away from them as possible so they don’t interfere with your social life or your study routine. It is not productive to go home often --you need your study routine and downtime without the interference of travel and family interaction. If you are within reach will they understand that is not feasible for you to return home except for holidays? If not get farther away. This sounds like they put you into an unhealthy situation and you deserve a chance to recover from that.</p>

<p>My own daughter went across the country and I was thrilled for her to be able to experience her independence and a new part of the country. It was a sacrifice for me, but I was willing to make it.</p>

11

<p>I think the big question is if you have any other schools in mind that are farther away? And do you have any schools far away that you like more than NYU? If you don’t have any that you like more, and you can pay for NYU, I think you should go to NYU!</p>

12

<p>Thank you so much for your advice guys. I’m surprised to see such a supportive community here!
The thing is, my parents run a medical clinic and they want me to be a doctor, so they don’t think college should be about exploration. They think that I should be doing pre med, finish my studies as soon as possible, and help out at the office every weekend. Even during my years in high school, they got angry at me whenever I had to take a weekend off at home to study for finals.
:frowning: I really want to go to NYU, but I’m worried that I’ll be pressured to go home every weekend…</p>

13

<p>Based on what you say, yes, if you attend NYU for undergrad, your parents will expect you at home on weekends, and that will be a killer for you developmentally and socially. Even students who commute from home can expect to be fairly independent.
So, how about: you attend a great urban college for undergrad, and you return to NYC for med school if you can (there are possibilities :p)?</p>

<p>Okay, here’s an idea for you: apply to Wash U, to Holy Cross, to Johns Hopkins… and other urban schools famous for their premed programs. Point out that those schools will provide you with the best premed chances (not to mention they’re very prestigious). You can also apply to the UMN-Rochester/Mayo Clinic program. :)</p>

<p>Do YOU want to be a doctor? </p>

<p>BTW, premed is just a set of courses. Your best bet is NOT to major in biology but to take all core science prereqs with good grades while majoring in something a little unexpected, like Classics, East Asian Studies, French Literature, or Philosophy. Another possibility is to major in Neuroscience, Math, or Physics (rather than the traditional “biology”, of which there’s currently a glut.)</p>

<p>In addition, not sure whether you’ve heard of “general education”, but you will be REQUIRED to take quite a few classes outside of your major - and you’ll be expected to do well in them since med schools look at your GPA. </p>

<p>There’s also Macalester, Occidental, Emory (and Oxford’s Emory), Vanderbilt, Boston College, U Rochester, USC… Plus all the women’s colleges.
Look at the schools named above: wouldn’t you like them as much as NYU?</p>