Should I just drop everything about college?

College Life
1

Okay…I am starting to strongly hate college, I thought college was going to be an awesome experience by meeting friends, getting my work done, living on my own in my own apartment!

But nope, I am having 2 out of my 3 classes, behind on all 5 classes, failed two of my midterms, missed about 4 days of all of my Mondays and Wednesdays classes.

Well, this isn’t a surprise, I hated high school! I strongly hated school in general because I dealt with heartbreak, rejection, bullying, drama, etc. My parents passed away last year and that’s when my self-esteem, work ethics, everything went down… I suffer from ADHD, anxiety, and maybe a little bit of PTSD.

Now, that I am alone, I feel like there’s no hope for me now that college is where you are either successful or a lost cause. Now, I am a part of CYF (Children, Youth, and Families) since I am an orphan and they helped me get into college. They helped me find an apartment, got my financial aid situated, clothes, food, money! I am blessed to what I have but I feel like I am a crappy person who won’t get anywhere in life now.

This is all coming back to me, I feel like I am nothing, I feel like I am going to turn out like my mother who dealt with substance abuse and my father who died from kidney disease because he was obese and stress. That’s going to be me…

The universe doesn’t want me to be successful. My family is looking up to me to break the cycle of my generation to graduate college and move to California. I really love drawing, illustration, 2D design, etc.

I go to church and pray for strength from this sorrow but the devil is taking over and I HATE IT!

I went to counseling for help, they told me to have a working tracker and time manage my work, I followed his order, still isn’t working. Then I asked for a tutor, he was no help either, he was really rude to me really. I asked for others for help in my class, they seem to not want to work with me because I wasn’t cool enough, again–I am being bullied…High school all over again…

It’s over, I can’t do it.

Like in the back of my mind though, I feel like I can’t give up, I am dedicated my whole family to break the cycle. I promised them to make them proud, because I was a hot mess in 2016, like a REAL HOT MESS. I want to change but I don’t know how, I want everyone to love me for me, but I am afraid.

I want to be successful, but it’s hard to reach those goals. It seems impossible.

Someone, anyone? Help me, please?

2

The counselor who helped you set up a work schedule-- was that an academic success counselor or a mental health counselor? Because a work schedule won’t help with grief, anxiety, or loneliness. Do you have a counselor you’re seeing who knows your whole story? Could CYF help you find someone?

3

I could see. Again, I am not giving up on college, I don’t want to go into deep depression and give up–even I am on the verge of ending it now. I will see on trying to get help!

4

Can you withdraw or drop classes without taking a failing grade at this point? Check this right now. However, if you go below what is considered a full load of classes, it may impact financial aid.

It may be that you’ve chosen a major you aren’t well prepared for, too, so that is something to consider as well. And you do need good time management skills to succeed at full time college.

If this doesn’t turn out to be the college experience for you, finish up the semester and pass what you can so you have a few credits to transfer. Then I’d think about getting a job and going part time to community college for a little while. Build the foundation you need academically and for time management & study skills.

I agree a mental health counselor would be able to help, too.

5

That would be my last choice if all else fails. Hopefully, I won’t be going down that route because I want to transfer to a university after completing two years at my community college. My goal is to become an illustrator or animator.

I get what you are saying about not being prepared. I feel like this was rushed and my aunt and uncle were probably tired of me…

I will see though.

6

Ah, you are at CC now. I’d still check the drop/add date TODAY. If you are failing classes now, best to probably take the W and drop at least some of them.

7

It might also be good to go to counseling for depression issues…you probably have not finished processing your parent’s death and your lack of family.

8

Yes, I am at a community college…I am going to go to drop/add classes at the admission office.

9

CYF can help you connect with a therapist. Start looking there. You are carrying a lot for one so young. A therapist will help you sort things out and lighten the load. There’s no shame in receiving this kind of assistance, and it’s confidential. Be good to yourself. Reach out for help, as you have done here. Fear not. You are not alone.