Hi. I’m new to this forum.
I’m a current junior at a local four-year university in my home state. I’m currently thinking about possibly taking my next semester off and possibly transferring after my break for reasons I’ll discuss in this post. I apologize in advance for the long post (there’s a lot to unpack - I’ll try to provide a TL/DR at the end), and any input or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Ever since starting here, it has been rough. While my freshman year was mostly uneventful, I was much happier and didn’t have constant stress after finding a job and getting involved. Getting involved led me to getting a job in the department that I would later transfer to.
Between my freshman year, I changed my major as I was happy with that second job I got. That job was in something I loved doing in high school but really didn’t want to do as a career. But my boss at that job, who became my mentor, and a coworker/friend persuaded me to change my major. So I did. Between my freshman/sophomore year my parents divorced.
The spring of my sophomore year was when things started getting really rocky. Just a couple weeks before the end of the semester, my mother unexpectedly passed away. Immediately following that was some fallout from her family targeted at me and my father. I’ve tried to forget her family (they were super distant) and the things they said. I’ve also tried really hard over the summer to properly grieve.
Over the summer, I had two summer courses. One I actually did really well in, but the other I was bombing. Thankfully, the professor of that course is giving me an extension to finish that class.
If loosing my mother wasn’t enough, there have been a lot of shakeups and changes in our department. I lost my job within the department, so I’m currently unemployed. (I loved that job - we were like a close family, and I enjoyed what I did. Unfortunately all of my coworkers were seniors and graduated.) My mentor left our university. I’ve really struggled getting used to these changes.
I have had anxiety and depression issues pretty much my entire life - but this has probably been the worse it ever has been. Even worse, I don’t have insurance or money to seek professional help or medication. Having a therapist really helped, but I just found out yesterday that my therapist won’t see me any more because she wants me to seek seasoned professional help. (My therapist was a grad student.) I’m currently seeking a job but jobs are very scarce in this area, and are usually very quickly filled. I’ve put in my application at some local places both on and off campus. My family isn’t able to financially assist me.
(TL/DR - I’ve suffered with a lot lately that has put me into a really deep depression, on top of being unemployed.)
So, now to the questions. I have lots of them, but any input or advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m also sorry to break this up - I wish there was a way that I could group it together, so I’ve tried to number the questions. I also tried to provide some more context for the next set of questions.
- In the interim, I'm hoping to keep my head above the water and finish out this semester strong. But it's only like week #4 and I'm already having difficulties in a lot of my classes. (The refund period has already passed.) Are there any suggestions to what I can do to succeed in my current classes?
Next is that summer class. The professor is giving me until later this month to complete everything. I haven’t even started, and there’s a lot to do. (Including a five-page paper.) It’s a pretty difficult class that I struggled with over the summer.
- Job. Because of my family's financial situation, they can't really help me. I'm pretty much on my own. And this semester I moved into an on-campus apartment, which is billed like a dorm (so no rent/utilities/etc.) but I still have to cook my own food and stuff. I also have monthly bills. I don't have a meal plan.
Obviously the first thing is to apply to jobs. I’ve applied at multiple places but have not heard any callbacks. There are some places that I’m still working on the application for. I’m trying to avoid fast food - not because of pride or anything, but because I’ve had previous bad experiences in fast food and feel it may exacerbate some of my problems.)
My other concern about a job is how my anxiety/depression is going to affect it. There are days where it is difficult to concentrate or do stuff. There are days where all I feel like doing is stuff like watching videos and not doing anything. What do I do on those days? I’ve even felt this depression affect me just filling out applications.
I guess now into the meat and potatoes - should I take the next semester off and possibly look for other places to transfer to? With all of the departmental changes and the absence of my mentor, I’ve really felt upset. I’ve felt that I have nobody to turn to - nobody to ask for help, including in my personal life. I used to be really passionate about the field I’m studying to go into. But this year I haven’t really been that passionate. In fact, just trying to start assignments that used to be really easy have been challenging this year. I have been getting upset at myself for that, especially since I’m making myself look like a fool in front of the professor who doesn’t really know me or my previous work.
Outside of classes, I really haven’t been able to socialize. I used to socialize with my coworkers at my previous job (as mentioned, we were like a tightly-knit family) but they all graduated. This year, everyone is doing their own thing - so trying to get something together is just super difficult.
When I returned to campus and went to my first classes, it just felt like everything was different. I can remember even saying that I felt like I was on a completely different campus, and I didn’t like it. Nothing felt right, nothing felt the same. And not in a good way.
- Over the summer, I thought about possibly taking a couple years off. I know there's only a grace period of six months on student loans (so after six months you have to start paying) so I've looked at possibly just taking one semester off after this semester to get things in line and see where to go from here. Should I consider this?
One thing that concerns me about taking a semester off is whether or not I’ll come back and finish my degree, and what additional changes there may be when I return. I’m also worried about how the cost may go up, etc. Any advice?
If I do take time off, I’m going to have to get a job back at home. Another thing that worries me is just moving back home. I just like the freedom of being at the university, and having others to socialize with. (At home, there’s practically nobody to talk to or socialize with outside of my family.)
- Transferring. Last spring (actually right around the time my mom passed) I was thinking about transferring to a larger, out-of-state university that had a school dedicated to my whole major. Their program is a lot more concentrated and better than my current school. The only drawback is it was WAY more expensive (like $40k/year - even at my current school I max out my FAFSA and have even had to take out additional unsubsidized loans to cover additional expenses) and that hardly any of my credits would transfer to that institution because of how intensive their program is - I would've essentially started over. (In fact, I would've likely been at that school for five years because their program required some high school courses I didn't take.)
I’ve looked at some other in-state institutions and none really jump out at me. So any suggestions on whether or not I should transfer? I’ve wanted to move out of state for so long, but just don’t have the budget.
Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.