<p>"suffer' guess that is the word we bandy about</p>
<p>so they are not as stellar as they were in HS, does that matter? are we looking for perfection</p>
<p>I don't think the word suffer is quite fair it means 'bad" and i think if any kid can have a good time, keep grades relatively okay, learn and do the life stuff, more power to them</p>
<p>as JHS says, B's are okay....people get jobs, go to grad school, etc with Bs and even Cs....</p>
<p>Dang, I hate it when H is right. Thanks to all for the reassurance and personal insights. I sure hope you are all correct! I know I am a worrier (it's in the job description) but I do tend to drive myself a little crazy stressing without cause. D flies home for Thanksgiving (yeah, we splurged this year........) and hopefully we will find some quiet time (squeezed in with visiting all the old high school buddies) for both of us to decompress. Many of you are so right, I am still of the mind set that she needs to "get all A's".......It's time to let that go! I am sure that will be as liberating for me as it is for her. I also need to be grateful that she is not struggling with lonliness, homesickness, depression or roommate crises. I cringe for the parents everytime I read one of those threads. I am lucky for such an amazing kid, and the fact that I know she is not partying to excess, smoking or doing drugs. Last I heard, her idea of partying was hanging out with her a capella group and re-inacting/singing the entire score to Wicked. :)</p>
<p>blucroo....even if her grades do suffer, isn't that a lesson you want her to experience now--before she has kids and a brilliant career and a husband and nine million things to juggle? If she is going to hit a brick wall, what better cocoon than freshman year? She won't make that mistake again and her career, her children, her husband and her sanity will be the better for that knowledge. </p>
<p>On the other hand, don't forget that between the ages of 18 and 20, the human brain is developing extraordinary cognitive abilities--abilities that you may not have seen yet. It may be that your daughter is far more capable than you ever dreamed. </p>
<p>That was certainly the case for me. My parents were forever terrified that I was in over my head. True, I did get into a number of 'wobbly boat' situations between the ages of 17 and 22, but it turned out that there wasn't anything that was truly 'over my head'. I was far more capable than anyone would have predicted. My parents are still dumbfounded, in fact.</p>
<p>Cheers, that's terrible!</p>
<p>Personally I am thrilled that my son has lots of ECs at college. He was not a social butterfly in HS and I'm gald he's got lots to do now and is mixing with all kinds of kids. </p>
<p>I do not ask to see his grades (although he does tell us his GPA - unsolicited, because he's pleased). I really feel like at this point it is his life - if he were to flunk out, well, I guess that's his problem. Sure I'd be heartbroken, but it's his time now, not mine. He knows the stakes.</p>
<p>There aren't a lot of times in one's life when you can experiment with new things, take a few risks, learn what your capacity is. </p>
<p>High school is over everybody. These kids are going to sink or swim at this point. If we've done our jobs well, they'll come to the surface eventually. ;)</p>
<p>Perhaps the greatest gift we can give our college age kids is our faith in them.</p>
<p>Haha b4. It's true! My parents never expected that I would be designing large towers and multi-million dollar developments. They never expected my boys to turn out so well since I was a full-time working mum. They have NO idea how a man as nice as DH puts up with me. They cannot believe how many amazing--and devoted--friends I have as a working mum. Yup, they're dumbfounded.</p>
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<p>I could have started a post like that. I've got a freshman D who is WAY overextended (I think) in an EC that takes between 15 and 20 hours a week and am already sweating at the thought of how she'll recover from missing a week of classes in the spring. </p>
<p>I'm a little reassured by some of the advice here, but I have to say, I'm not worried about B's at this point. After a really disastrous mid-term in one subject and an awful hour exam in another (who would have guessed that doing proofs would be harder on two hours of sleep?), I'm concerned about my D ending up with a much lower grade than that. She shares this information with me, so there's no issue of my having to pry it from her. Her father and I have counseled her extensively on honing (or developing) some time management skills, and so far, not much has worked. I think the frighteningly low (in her view) grades have inspired her to seek out some help, so we're hopeful about a recovery by the end of the semester. I'd be pleased with an upward trend, regardless of the actual letter grades, because that would indicate that she's figured out how to manage her time. </p>
<p>Anyhow, I am sure the OP's D has things under better control than mine does, and I certainly don't want to encourage her to worry more than she is. I also think that since her D is at an LAC, there are probably enough professors and other folks who'll sense if there's any sort of problem and rush to her rescue, even if Mom never finds out.</p>
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I also think that since her D is at an LAC, there are probably enough professors and other folks who'll sense if there's any sort of problem and rush to her rescue, even if Mom never finds out.
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<p>Probably not. Even at small, cozy LACs the onus is really on the kids to seek out help.</p>
<p>One of the great things about a cappella groups is that the freshman members have big brothers/sisters to show them how to balance a tough course load with tons of singing and road trips. A solid group with four-year seniors in it is not going to hang their freshmen out to dry.</p>
<p>Being in my group did not hurt my grades, but it would have been worth it if it had. That experience, by itself, was worth the price of tuition to me. Don't worry about your daughter; envy her. :)</p>
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<p>H and I went to a Harvard student concert over the weekend and enjoyed it tremendously> It was given by two a capella groups, both of which included several freshmen.</p>
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<p>Marite, you were at the Veritones/Kroks concert? Then you saw me sing our alumni songs. :) I'm so glad you had a good time; we are really proud of our new members.</p>
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<p>I guess I was assuming, since my D is at a bigger school, and a perceptive teacher emailed her one evening and asked if she was okay and offered to help her in any way, if she needed it. And that is a class she's doing well in, so it wasn't the result of a drop in performance. I think she just seemed tired and stressed, and he must have sensed she wasn't her usual cheerful self. </p>
<p>I agree that students shouldn't count on someone noticing and should be the ones to seek help, but I thought it might be more likely that someone would pick up on a sign of trouble at a smaller school.</p>
<p>nceph: Happily, it sounds as if it's not necessarily anymore likely at the smaller school, since a kindly prof took an interest in your daughter at the bigger school. Of course, at any school, even if a prof does take an interest, it's up to the kid to reciprocate. Some will. Some won't. Some will simply vanish without a trace after flunking out of even a small LAC.</p>
<p>Hanna:
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One of the great things about a cappella groups is that the freshman members have big brothers/sisters to show them how to balance a tough course load with tons of singing and road trips. A solid group with four-year seniors in it is not going to hang their freshmen out to dry.
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<p>Excellent point, and true, I think, for virtually all ECs. Don't underestimate the importance of freshmen mingling with more experienced upperclassmen/women. Really important.</p>
<p>My former neighbor said that even tho she was on a soccer team at Brown & they practiced & travelled A LOT, the kids on the team were VERY focused & she did better in terms when she was playing soccer & had to manage her time carefully than the "off seasons" because she knew she had more time. The kids on her team were all very serious about studying every chance they got, including every time they were on the bus getting to & from the games. She did well enough to get into Harvard for her MBA.</p>