Should students buy into the "dream school"/"perfect fit" mentality?

College Search & Selection
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<p>NOTE: The "Is it worth it to go to a school for the prestige?" debate has been done to death here, so I'd like this thread not to devolve into something of the sort, although that discussion is (at least) tangentially-related to the issue I'd like to address here. For the purpose of this discussion, let's assume "prestige" is an intangible factor akin to "personality" and that going to a lower-ranked or smaller-name school will not close any doors, although of course that matter should be evaluated on a case-to-case basis.</p>

<p>As a jaded college student (read: freshman) with a sibling who applied to schools this cycle, I've turned a more critical eye to the process and to what I believe is an underlying fallacy dictating students' choices. It seems that every key player in the process emphasizes the idea of the "match" between a student and a school: the colleges themselves, which bombard juniors and seniors with pamphlets with bolded words like "fit"; the guidance departments of most schools whose administrations offer college advice at all; third-party sources of advice like this website. </p>

<p>I of course understand the value of having students systematically select/eliminate certain characteristics in order to narrow down their searches--choosing a single-digit number of schools to apply to is a daunting task. But maybe we're approaching it wrong. Some students have a great idea of what they want (see threads like <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/847313-help-me-find-college-like.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/847313-help-me-find-college-like.html&lt;/a&gt;), but are these students the rule or the exception? And do all students with such specific guidelines really care about all of these factors, or have they just bought into the idea that they should have particular knowledge as to what they want? </p>

<p>There are few questions I don't think we ask ourselves enough:<br>
- Is it possible for someone so young to know what his or her ideal learning environment is?
- Does an ideal learning environment even exist for most students? Is it implausible that someone with varied interests would be equally happy at a 2,000-person tech school, 6,000-person LAC, or huge state school?
- By encouraging students to outline their preferences ("Would you prefer a small school [exclusive] OR a medium-sized one [exclusive] OR a big one?"), are we (a) narrowing their options in such a way that they miss out on some great choices; (b) setting up students for disappointment by encouraging them to get their hearts set on a "dream" environment that they may not ultimately be able to attend; and/or (c) teaching students to undervalue more pragmatic concerns, like money or a school's flexibility or value w/r/t future plans? </p>

<p>I think that maybe rather than encouraging students to apply to similar schools with qualities that they desire, we should encourage students to apply to all different types of schools and allow them to take all sorts of factors into account when making their ultimate decisions. I also think that the "dream school" mentality is ultimately harmful, and before opening this up for discussion, I'd like to briefly discuss my own case:</p>

<p>I applied to a wide range of schools, both in selectivity and in environment. My list included Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Wellesley College, and Johns Hopkins University, to give you an idea. One of my schools, I decided in my junior year, was my "dream school": this is a school with a very distinctive personality that lined up well with my interests. I was accepted regular decision and matriculated. And here's the thing: I love it at my school. I love the people; I love the professors; I love the things about my school's environment that encouraged me to choose it in the first place. But I think I'd be equally happy at any of my other schools. In fact, despite how much I like it, I regret choosing to attend this expensive private university (sticker price) rather than one of the schools that offered me a scholarship. I'm fortunate in that attending an expensive school wasn't a huge strain on my parents' resources (and that my parents, who are awesome, were happy to send me to my dream school), but I still feel that it was unnecessary. Now that I'm no longer in that naive 17-year-old phase of "There is one school that is perfect for me, and it is [School X]", I want to go back and tell my high school senior self: "Guess what? There's no such thing as a dream school. Take everything into account; don't let yourself be blinded by the idea that there exists a 'perfect fit' and that you are obligated to attend the school that you feel is it. Take more practical, tangible factors into consideration."</p>

<p>I'd be interested to hear from others--in all stages of life--about this.</p>

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<p>As a parent of a child with “multi-potentiality” and who can easily move among various cliques, I whole heatily agree that emphisis on solely acadmic fit or soley social fit is misleading.</p>

<p>However, as a parent looking at 3,000 schools who has narrowed down the listing for 2 high school juniors this year, I <em>NEED</em> to use fit because of the overwhelming choices.</p>

<p>I don’t think “perfect fit” is the issue. I think the issue is that students get it in their heads that ONLY 1 or 2 schools offer the “perfect fit.” IMO - ALL the schools that are being applied to should be a perfect fit to some degree.</p>

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<p>

That’s a great way of putting it. I suppose my contention is that the definition of “fit” that is currently being propagated is overly specific.</p>

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<p>I think “fit” serves a purpose. Taken to the extreme it becomes a bit silly.</p>

<p>Macro type issues are important: Urban/Rural, close to home/far away, large or small. Now you have a basic profile. Which of the schools remaining offer the areas of study which interest you? Which offer sports or activities that are important to you (if you have some specific area of interest).</p>

<p>After this, I suspect you would be happy / comfortable at many schools in the profile. In reality you would probably be happy at many schools that don’t fit this profile but you have to start somewhere.</p>

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<p>I think the OP has a lot of good points. I must ask, however, if she had forsaken her dream school for a cheaper school, wouldn’t she likely be sitting at the other school full of regret every time something wasn’t perfect?</p>

<p>In other words, the mature conclusions she’s come to are the type that you can only arrive at by REACHING the dream and realizing (as in Peggy Lee’s famous song “Is That All There Is?”) that it isn’t miraculous after all.</p>

<p>I might add question that’s occurred to me after reading dozens of threads about students being unhappy or bored at shools…is there such a thing as an unhappy college student who’s got a happy s*x life?</p>

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<p>I think when kids “lock on” to the idea of a dream school, they close their minds to the possibility that many other schools would be “just as good,” better, and/or more economical. </p>

<p>There have also been past threads where kids have gotten to their “dream schools” and then HATE them. The dream was all in their head…crazy or naive expectations.</p>

<p>There have been threads where kids to college visits to their dream schools only to immediately hate them. </p>

<p>Kids need to keep an open mind during the college search process. :)</p>

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<p>

I agree. How many people would be equally happy if they wanted a dog and were given, without their input, either a mastiff or a toy poodle?</p>

<p>The difference between a Yorkie and a Westie, however, is not nearly so profound.</p>

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<p>^^^</p>

<p>LOL… very true…</p>

<p>however, some kids get an idea in their head - such as “no small town schools” because they imagine that they’ll be bored. However, most kids in college keep themselves entertained by socializing with each other - not necessarily going to Broadway plays or the symphony.</p>

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<p>

I’m sure I’d have regrets no matter what–but the more important thing is that I’m quite confident that I’d be happy no matter what. </p>

<p>But you’re definitely right: these are conclusions that I’ve made from this vantage point, and there’s no way I could have foreseen them. Only if I were able to go back in time and relay my current thoughts to my April 2009 self would I have been able to understand these things nearly as clearly as I do now. (Of course, this doesn’t speak for high school students in general: perhaps I was particularly blinded by naivety.)</p>

<p>

Well, that’s an imperfect analogy: with a dog, there’s only one dog, and there’s not a lot of flexibility as to what you can get out of it. At a school, there are several niches: you can find jocks anywhere, computer nerds anywhere, &c (and similar crude categorizations can be made re: academics). </p>

<p>I don’t mean to say that anyone would be happy anywhere; of course this is not the case. But I think that the truth may be much closer to this extreme than to the other (that there is ~one perfect place~ for each student and that the applicant is obligated to find out what it is and attend the school that is closest to his ideal), and that we as a society shouldn’t inculcate the latter attitude into high school students to the extent that we do.</p>

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<p>There is no such thing as “perfect fit” for schools, jobs, partners, houses, anything.</p>

<p>In other words, it ain’t binary, it’s analog, between the zero and the one, with
the goal being a “really good fit” academically, socially, financially, and geographically.</p>

<p>Using that set of criteria one should be able to come up with a list (4? 8? 12?) of schools, any which would work really well.</p>

<p>That’s why it’s best to “love thy safeties” . . . as long as you are accepted to at least one of the 8 or so schools, you’ll be happy, because all of those 8 or so are really good fits.</p>

<p>Kei</p>

<p>P.S. What I described in what the parents should model for the students. If the kid wants to believe that there is an ideal “one and only” that’s the way it goes. They are wrong, but, hey, when DD applied to the only school she wanted us parental units had to go with the flow.</p>

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<p>

But then a rejection will only end in pain…</p>

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<p>I suspect that the notion of “perfect fit” evolved as a backlash against prestige-centric rankings. Like most backlashes, it is often taken to ridiculous lengths. Human beings are fairly adaptable creatures, and the idea of a “soul-mate” school is rather ridiculous.</p>

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<p>xoxo, where do you go to school?</p>

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<p>

As one who have had MSU and UMich once as a top choice from experience students should not buy into the “dream school”/“perfect fit”, though students should have a generalized ideal of the type of school(s) one would prefer to attend. Specifically if a student has a top choice school and get rejected, as other posters implied… it could be devastating.</p>

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</p>

<p>Unless, of course, the “No small towns” requirement is for a different reason. I personally hate driving ten minutes out of my town and being in the middle of nowhere. Its a mental thing.</p>

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<p>Excellent post. You’ve popped the bubble of that fallacy to a good extent. Let me help you out and throw some more wood on the bonfire:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Like many species of trees that grow well in a variety of soil conditions, many students (but not all) can do well in a variety of diverse learning environments.</p></li>
<li><p>Like an elephant that is felt by 2 blind men to resemble both a snake and a tree trunk, one large university can offer a variety of different learning environments and experiences based on different majors, sub-colleges, residential arrangements, ethnic groups, and personality types.</p></li>
<li><p>I agree that, when a kid is 17 years old, he often has no idea whatsoever as to what his “best learning environment” is. And neither do his parents. Most kids attend a single high school. And any experience prior to the age of 14 probably isn’t much of an indicator of how a kid learns when he is 18. Most kids don’t know how they’ll react in a particular college environment until they try it.</p></li>
</ol>

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<p>I spent a couple of years at a decent sized university in a town with a population of 45,000 during the school year (30,00 during the summer). And I did manage to see a pretty good symphony while I was there. (Symphony orchestras occasionally go on the road, and university towns are pretty good venues for them. They have acoustically superior rooms for them to play in, and enthusiastic audiences.)</p>

<p>I also saw my favorite band play there; a lot of up-and-coming bands came through town as well. </p>

<p>I didn’t see any Broadway plays while I was there, but the school did have an excellent theater department that put on some very memorable plays.</p>

<p>OK, so the town only had one world-famous restaurant. I couldn’t afford to eat there in any event. But six times a year, world-class restaurateurs came to the school, and rotated through the school’s cafeterias, supervising the preparation of a meal at each one in turn. And there were lots of restaurants within walking distance of the school where I could actually afford to take my girlfriend every once in a while.</p>

<p>I transferred to a similarly sized school near a big city after two years. That city has many world-famous restaurants, and a symphony orchestra with a national reputation. Of course, I knew that only by hearsay while I was in school. I only really experienced what that city had to offer after I found a job and got an apartment there after graduation.</p>

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<p>Does high school help give insight on how youll do in college? I ask this because I went to two high schools, one freshman year, one for the 3 years (still in it). I couldnt stand my first high school, it was a regular one with the school spirit, football games, loud kids, huge number of kids. It did have positives, the choices of classes you could take! <3. But then with my current school, its small, personal, no spirit (i admit I kinda wish we had this), and little if any choices in classes.
So seeing this, does this help give me insight on what I like/work well with in terms of college?</p>

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<p>I just remembered this site existed. Bump. Thanks for the recent contributions; I’d address them more thoughtfully if I had the time.</p>

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<p>Kids should TRY to experience the school before they apply. They should also know that they’ll be OK if they transfer.</p>

<p>In any other decision this monumental and personal, we would expect the customer to gather as much information as possible about whether the product was right for them.</p>

<p>Stay on campus for a few days. Go to as many classes as you can. ASK STUDENTS WHAT THEY THINK. Talk to professors and grad students. Just get as much advice from people with first-hand knowledge as you can.</p>

<p>And they should try to remember that college is just one part of their life. They don’t have to go when they’re 18. They can wait a year. They don’t have to go to a four-year university or go full-time. They don’t have to confine their friendships to their classmates. Get out of college what you can’t get anywhere else, and that’s a diploma and a GPA.</p>