@Data10 wrote:
I think that’s exactly right. And, I was going to say that it’s unlikely the “scholarship kids” are the ones who are shy about sharing where they go to college, that is, until I remembered just how wealthy a Harvard family actually has to be in order not to be on financial aid. Conventional class assumptions have been completely blown up over the space of the past twenty years. It’s basically a top 10% world and the rest of us just live in it.
My kid was a “scholarship” kid, and we avoid the H bomb.
Guess I am happy with where I live/work. I know several kids who recently graduated or are currently attending Harvard (and other top 20 schools). And I work with people every day with degrees from Harvard (and other top 20 undergrad and top law schools). There is no negative reactions (with one notable exception). No overloading of work (because they are so smart) or begging to let us know the secrets of admission, etc. One exception is a Harvard family (3 generations) who is incredibly obnoxious about it. Work it into every conversation (“hey the salt was better when I was at Harvard, but could you pass it anyway” isn’t far off in terms of the mental gymnastics exhibited). Reaction for everyone else is positive (they get announced on senior night along with college the same as everyone else – band directors will specifically announce their acceptance if its received on the date of a concert – with people clapping not groaning). Don’t recall seeing a lot of Harvard swag but parents typically don’t wear swag/bumper stickers/etc of their kids’ college no matter where they attend.
Money at some of the schools is interesting. We have good friends with kids at top 20 private (one graduated, one is attending, another just accepted and 4/5th likely to attend). Both parents went there as well. Parents will pay over $1.3 million for their kids to attend. Father is a very successful physician. $1 million house (with housing prices on average in the region less than 1/5 of that). Definitely a very wealthy family. But oldest child came home from college and told her parents they have done everything wrong based on the money she saw her classmates’ families have. Its all very relative. And no matter who you are, there is someone with more money (Bezos or whoever holds the title currently excepted).
Okay, I’ll bite. I went to Harvard Law School, the first lawyer in my family and certainly the first person in our extended circle of family and friends to do that. When I was young, I had people at holiday parties say, without irony, “oh can I touch you? I’ve never touched someone who went to Harvard.” For a 25 year old, that’s very just uncomfortable. I did go through a stage, when asked where I went to law school, to say “Boston area.” When it didn’t move the conversation forward, then I wound up with some kind of 21 questions where the answer was “HLS.” That was uncomfortable too so I stopped that. I still usually saying something like, “Harvard Law School, but I sure couldn’t get in nowadays.” And move on. As a professional credential, it has certainly opened doors, created at least a presumption in my favor.
@mamalion wrote:
Just curious. Which was the more awkward, the fact that she attended Harvard or the fact that she was a third generation legacy? 
She wasn’t legacy because I didn’t go. Furthermore the earlier generations were grad students which doesn’t count either.
Legacy refers to parents in the College. Now at the less competitive college her sister attended, they wanted to know anyone in the family who had attended. I had not gone there either, but we listed uncles and cousins. I have no idea if that mattered for admission, but I doubt it.
An interesting contrast.
That was me! I saw no reason to pay more than $4/credit hour since UT had one of the highest ranking civil engineering departments in the country. I did have people ask me why I wasn’t attending MIT!
I really struggle with the thought process there. Cannot imagine knowing anyone who thought that way.
When my dad, a UT prof, heard that a Maine runner was attending Dartmouth, he asked, “Why is he going to a little school like that?” 
From my own personal experience, I can vouch for that. I remember flying from Boston on one winter break to meet up with a good friend of mine in L.A. After picking me up at the airport, he took me to his office where there were about five co-workers present. As soon as we entered the office, my friend yelled, “hey, has anyone here ever met a Harvard student in your life? Come and meet one!” It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.
I see this kind of thing as a subtle way of making fun of someone/trying to cut them down. It’s like those people are assuming that the Harvard kids think they’re really special.
It’s different from Penn, too. Every year, I get hit with fund raising requests from both the law school and the university. I get the feeling they don’t care what school, institute or center granted you a degree, youre a Penn alum (one reason I was so ambivalent about my ties to them for so long.)
For context about the person who said, without irony, “can I touch you” – I come from “lace curtain” Irish Catholic background, and this was an elderly friend of an elderly relative. They were quite genuine. I certainly wasn’t going to embarrass them by making them feel they’d over reached. I learned to dodge those questions to avoid the whole thing, only that usually led to 21 questions and then I just looked like I was being coy, and that was even worse. So I learned to “fess up” and move on. In the workplace, it was irrelevant, except to be a boost, sometimes, if I was meeting a new client or, once in a blue moon, on the market for a new job.
i don’t know why people doubt that Harvard grads and grads from other apparently enviable schools, experience these embarrassing moments. It happens all the time.
As for the wealth of students, 20% pay nothing to attend Harvard, 55% receive some financial aid, the average parental contribution is $12k, and 100% graduate debt-free.
Of course there is a middle group with incomes over $150-180k but not enough to pay in full comfortably, who often show up in threads about choosing state schools over Ivies. They justifiably may resent any ideas about sympathy for Ivy grads.
Nevertheless, the discomfort suffered in social and work situations is real. It’s probably the worst for Harvard grads.
Isn’t those that get financial aid graduate loan free from Harvard but not really that nobody takes out loans to go? How do those that make more than $150K afford Harvard? My guess is that many of those are taking subsidized federal loans and parents are taking parents plus loans or second mortgages.
A friend went to Harvard Law School and avoids mentioning it. Even when I commented on it in a positive way, she kind of rolled her eyes at the assumptions that go along with a Harvard degree. But lets all agree that we shouldn’t feel sorry for any Harvard grad. A little embarrassment over being a graduate of one of the top colleges in the world is a much better thing to have to explain than many other things people get ribbed about.
Funny related anecdote. My college roommate worked over the summers for a local plumber. He told us this story of him digging a trench outside on some job. The home owner started a conversation with him which led to “Are you an apprentice?”, to which he answered, “No, this is a summer job, I am going to college”, which solicited, “Oh, so you are going to Towson State”, and he replied, “No, Yale.” At this point, the owner roared in laughter and called out to his wife, “Hey honey, come on out here and meet the Yale man digging a ditch!”
BTW, this roommate ended up at Harvard law, so he has to duck 2 bombs. His wife is a Princeton grad, so I don’t know how many minefields they had to avoid at PTA meetings.
Because Harvard – and its close peers, likewise – is committed to affordability, it strives to meet 100% of students’ demonstrated need. Given such generous policy, it’s not surprising that only 2% of all undergrads utilize federal student loans. Even at $150K income, with no second home, no large assets, and another sibling in college, it could come close to “tuition free” COA for a family with such financial profile. One in five attends entirely free at Harvard.
At our PTA meetings, the most we might have been asked are what you do/where you work, rarely if ever where you went to colleges. Wonder how many haloed shoulders I might have missed touching ?
However, “need” is defined by Harvard. About 50% of kids will see parental divorce, and probably most such divorces are nasty and uncooperative. Kids with such parents will not be able to get financial aid from Harvard.
Yes, of course. If FA goes by OUR definition of “need,” we’d all be full-ride. 