sick daughter--what would you do

Parent Cafe
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<p>D2 is at a small LAC, and they have campus EMTs for off-hours emergencies (nights and weekends). I kind of like it, because they can assess the situation, and if needed, transport them to a hospital. Kids don’t have to call the town’s 911 for an ambulance when they’re not sure if it’s an ambulance-worthy call to make. When D2 broke her finger last spring (had it slammed in a door), there was actually one of these EMTs at the party (he wasn’t on duty). So he told her what to do, and to go to the acute care center the next day, which she did, where they determined it was broken (also had to drain the blood from under the nail). </p>

<p>D1 had a horrible experience with a campus infirmary at the end of her freshman year; they would not test her for mono, which she knew she had an exposure to, and had every classic symptom. D gave them permission to talk to me, and I called the clinic a couple of times with concerns about her situation (worried about dehydration due to not being able to swallow - she was spitting her saliva into a cup). The nurse on duty basically told me they are not set up for overnight stays and if that’s what is required, they refer students to the local university hospital. Of course, because she was not diagnosed properly, she did not take the time she should have to rest up, and within four weeks (the day she got home for the summer) came down with a relapse that was worse than the original case. When she went to our docs here at home, the blood test was the first thing they did. Both of my kids have/do attend colleges 700+ miles away, and to this day, I feel bad about what my daughter went through, and wish I would have gone out there. I do feel like I was able to make it up to her when she relapsed, since she was home then.</p>

<p>I’ve almost promised myself that if D2 ever gets mono, I will do what I have to, to be with her; that would probably involve driving (or flying) to where she is, and getting a hotel room for a few nights, and let her stay with me. I will also be more assertive in requesting medical tests. D1’s summer was basically ruined due to this relapse (and subsequent infections due to her immune system being shot). </p>

<p>So don’t feel bad about going a couple of hours, when I’m thinking I’d go over 700 miles… if I thought it were necessary. Before Ds went off to college, we researched what acute care centers were in the area, as well as hospitals, and which of those took our insurance. If she ever needed to go to one, we know who will take our insurance.</p>

<p>added: I should have stated that, even though this school is small, pre-med is one of its largest and most successful programs, so they have a lot of interest in students wanting to be EMTs.</p>

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<p>The school my kids attend don’t have overnights at the infirmary but do have the abililty to have students catch the free shuttle to the med school clinic where they can get more comprehensive & I believe overnight care. When I was a student, I did need the infirmary overnight – once for food poisoning and once for mono. Was glad it was available but it didn’t stop us from letting our kids attend a school that doesn’t have an overnight infirmary.</p>

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<p>I have never heard of a 24-hour infirmary at any college! Would be curious to see a list of schools that have them – and to see how many there really are.</p>

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<p>I believe the quality of care at these infirmaries may vary considerably. At the infirmary where I went in the 70s, they basically just gave me a bed to be miserable on. I can’t remember getting any care–probably they took my temperature but not a whole lot more & let me stay there until I could stand and be semi-coherent and leave on my own power. The food poisoning was a short-lived incident & I left about 24 hours later while the mono meant I got an incomplete for one class & left to pack & go to the airport for winter break.</p>

<p>The care my kids would get by going to the med school clinic (tho it involves a free shuttle) I expect would be significantly greater than the care I received.</p>

<p>I never asked the schools my kids were considering about the state of their infirmaries but assumed they were pretty rudimentary (like summer camp–that was what was available to me back in the day).</p>

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<p>Aaah, the school nurse…what saints! I met a lady in a grocery store once and we knew that we knew each other, but couldn’t figure out the connection. We finally figured out that my Ds had gone to elementary school years ago where this woman was the school nurse. </p>

<p>When she heard my D’s name, she said, “Oh, XXX was a barfer.” Yikes! What a memory. (D was a barfer–she had a real sensitive gag reflex and was susceptible to stomach viruses when she was younger.) Luckily, she seems to have outgrown the gag thing.</p>

<p>God bless student nurses, Woody.</p>

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<p>I second that ellenmope. When S2 was in 3rd grade (S1 was a freshman in hs), H & I were both out of town and kids were with a European grad student babysitter who didn’t have a car. Kids were playing around and S2 stuck a pencil up his nose (yeah, I know) and another kid accidentally hit his hand (I’m sure you all saw that coming). Male school nurse was also an EMT. He removed the pencil and determined there was no serious damage, just a lot of blood. Of course, they couldn’t get to use right away (before cell phones) and the babysitter didn’t have transportation. Nurse drove S2 home and carefully explained to the babysitter (and S1, fortunately) what to look for.</p>

<p>It has become a family joke once it was all over (like S1 swallowing a quarter!).</p>

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<p>Goodness, D is sick! Has been barfing all night long, and I’m pretty sure both D and her roommate would have appreciated the services of the 24-hr infirmary, which is now closed for good. Oh, well. D says it is either the peanut butter cookie she snacked on or the stomach flu. Keeping fingers crossed she snaps out of this.</p>

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<p>bunsenburner - from a parent whose kid has also been sick this week, I feel for you. At least my kid didn’t have the barfing this time. I always worry about dehydration with that. Is there an acute care center anywhere near campus that is open 24 hours? I always like to know this stuff ahead of time, so that if they call at 3AM, and you can tell it’s not something that should wait until morning, that you can tell them where to go, and that you’ll even call the cab for them.</p>

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<p>teri, thanks. If they are not doing too well, they can call Campuspo (the campus police), and they can take the sick person to the hospital. I’m glad there is one only a couple of miles away. So far, so good, D called and did not sound too bad.</p>

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<p>D had mono this summer. Was hospitalized twice for extreme low blood pressure from dehydration.The second time I had taken her to family Dr. where an ambulance was called to rush her to the ER with sirens blasting. If she had been away at school I believe she would not have realized how sick she was and she could have died.
I am so glad I was home with her and not at work. You just never know.</p>

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<p>Dehydration is pretty scary stuff. D had to go to the ER twice to get IV to keep her hydrated when she couldn’t keep anything down as a kid. I hadn’t realized how bad she was but the pediatrician took a look at her & insisted she go down & get an IV and/or stay overnight or come back the next day for another. She opted to go home.</p>

<p>Extremely low blood pressure is pretty scary stuff too. My blood pressure tends to be low when I’m healthy–my kids too. When we’re feeling poorly, it gets even lower. Today, I was 92/70 (yep, went to the doc & am now on abx).</p>

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<p>I’m skipping ahead to also say your friend is an idiot–the flu can get serious, and not only do you have your daughter’s health to consider, it was responsible of you to get her out of there to minimize the risk she’d pass the flu onto others–colleges are densely packed hives of people who don’t eat right and don’t get enough sleep–and illness can travel fast. </p>

<p>Your daughter DID handle it by the way–she knew she was really sick and she got help. Would your friend rather she lay there in the dorm and make the other students responsible for her care? That happened to my D. last year–a girl got the flu and was too sick to care for herself, so she moved into D’s room and slept on the futon and D’s roommate cared for her. I don’t know why she did not get an RA or a rector to help, or to get her to the clinic, but sometimes "handling it yourself’ is dumb. Maturity and independence means knowing when you need help and who is appropriate to ask–and asking a parent to care for you during illness is something even adults do!</p>

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<p>Um, last I checked we don’t turn in our parent card when they turn 18 and go to college. Honestly, if a grown child in his 20’s or 30’s (or oh, no, 40’s?)was 2 hours away and didn’t have someone to take them for a doctor’s visit and had the flu, I’d drive over! When I had my babies, my mom drove over. When youngest son had a ruptured appendix and peritonitis two years ago, my parents drove over to help with day shifts at the hospital. (kid had someone in his room 24/7 - if my 15 year old son needs to get to the bathroom or have a drink while he’s that sick, he’s not going to have to wait on an overburdened nurse who might have a more critical patient)</p>

<p>And now I drive the two hours if my parents need me there.</p>

<p>Isn’t that what families are for?</p>

<p>Ignore Ms. Snarky.</p>

<p>And yes, I’m the same mom who is planning to do a great big happy dance when youngest son graduates high school this spring. But I’ll still be his mom. Duh.</p>

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<p>Kind of makes me wonder if this ‘friend’ was not tended to by her parents at a time in her life when she was sick, and needed their support. It’s her way of justifying her parent’s values.</p>

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<p>To OP: Consider yourself fortunate that:</p>

<p>a) your D is only 2 hrs away and </p>

<p>b) calls you when she needs help.</p>

<p>Not all of us are or will be so lucky.</p>

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<p>I would also do the same thing as the OP (drive to get child). </p>

<p>However, it would also nag me that my actions only help to make my S or D feel dependent on my wife and me - at a time when their feeling independent is of utmost importance.</p>

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<p>I had Mono when I was in my late 20s and had been independent for a decade, owned my own house etc. It was a very bad case and I was extremely sick. When the doctor realized I lived alone she said she was going to hospitalize me. My best friend dragged me to he apartment and I ended up staying with her. I would have stayed with my Mum otherwise. </p>

<p>Sometimes when we are sick, whatever our ages, we need our family or friends. Nothing wrong with that. Flu is not always a minor thing and can be very serious. I have had the flu several times but and then I have had THE FLU twice. Those two strains really incapacitated me and I understood for the first time why people can die from it. I certainly would not let anyone try and make me feel guilty about taking care of my child (or any other friend or relative) when they are sick. heck my 85 year old Mum would still take care of me if I were sick and she were able. Anyway, I know my kids are independent.</p>

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<p>I would have and have done the same thing as OP. Once son was sick for 2 weeks with bad throat. I drove over (about 1.5 hours) brought him home (as fever was 102) and took him to local ENT. He had tonsillar abscesses and had an emergency tonsillectomy–student health just kept saying it was a viral infection and taking time.</p>