<p>S was also reluctant to contact. I think it is important to be polite/friendly and put the other person at ease. No one feels comfortable living with a total stranger so it doesn’t hurt to share some basic information (like your major, if you’re playing sports, etc.) They were given only names and phone numbers. One guy texted the others because he wanted to rent the micro-fridge. So they agreed to do that. No other info exchanged. They have to bring their own cleaning supplies, trash cans, etc. I think it would be a good idea to find out what others are bringing (do you really need 3 toilet brushes? Is anyone bringing a vacuum? an iron? etc.) S actually met one of his roommates at orientation. They shook hands and said “Hi.” That’s it. I hope the third guy is a little more outgoing.</p>
<p>However, I have to keep reminding myself that I’m FEMALE.
Moms–do you remember when you first met or contacted your freshman roommate? Seriously, most girls find out everything within 1/2 hour (all about her family, how many sibs, what work parents do, favorite music, what HS EC’s she was involved in, boyfriend’s name, favorite colors, shoe size, phobias, who’s sleeping in the top bunk, who’s bringing a typewriter, popcorn popper etc., etc.) </p>
<p>A few years ago, when S#1 came home for Xmas after his first semester, I asked him about his roommate: “So, where is he from?” S: Not sure exactly. Somewhere on the east coast, I think. ''Does he have any brothers or sisters?" S: I don’t know–never asked. “Why not?” S: Well, that seems like a PERSONAL question, and I didn’t want to be intrusive. . .</p>
<p>Why would you be lugging heavy appliances up and down stairs? You have a SON who is a freshman in college. He should be lugging. You should take the light stuff.</p>
<p>I consider this a teachable moment. I would make them make contact, as it makes my life easier. Period. Not a choice. But worth asking a few questions. If they want me to chip in and by cool dorm stuff, or rent a fridge, or the like, then they can email a quick note. Oh gee, sorry I was too lazy or scared to send in my taxes or call and make appointment for your vaccines, or make that airline reservation…</p>
<p>Here is how my son’s roommates contacted him: he got and accepted two friend requests on Facebook from two students from his university. Later in the day, he got the letter from the university with their names and addresses. “Oh, so that must be why I got those friend requests.” They are both great guys (it’s a triple) – I think they really lucked out rooming together.</p>
<p>I also think there can be hidden anxieties about making contact maybe because it is finally real that they are going to be going away and living with somebody else. My son was very reluctant to go to the local send-off party for his university. He said he “doesn’t go to those kinds of things.” But it’s a once in a lifetime event, so how would he know if he goes to the or not? We nearly had to force him! Well, he was very happy to have gone to the party. He met one of his roommates there in person and they got along great.</p>
<p>I agree. Also, do most posters parent-manage the get ready for college/what to take process? I thought of this as part of the process of the 18 year old having to plan and make decisions and live with the immediate consequences.</p>
<p>My son’s roommate contacted him and they have since determined who is bringing what regarding the room to avoid duplication. So much easier to reach out now than back in the day before internet. I found out the name of my roommate and where he was from before I arrived.</p>
<p>Proudpatriot - I don’t have a freshman son and I don’t do the lugging but when my kids were freshman, I was the one that did the majority of the purchasing and would be the one doing the returns. My son will be doing the lugging for many freshman in a few days as part of the move in crew. </p>
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<p>Logistically, most freshman do not have cars and most likely did not purchase their big ticket items. You think they’re going to be the ones taking items back to their hometown stores?? Let’s be real. </p>
<p>I’ve been at a few college move-ins. This day is fraught with not stepping on toes. Why would you add one more thing to the list because, “There are more big things in the boys’ heads than room utilities”. (I’m not sure what a room utility is) but learning how to communicate and being considerate of a parents time and money IS part of the big picture here. As Seahorsesrock said, this is a teachable moment.</p>
<p>Bartokrules, Glad this worked out for your son!</p>
<p>In my experience the toes that seemed to be exposed at move-in were those of the parents, not the students. One parent wanted the room to look “this way” or thought that “they” (the students) just had to have this or that in their room.</p>
<p>In my S’s particular case, depending on how the boys configured the space in their dorm room there was or was not room for a couch. One parent was adamant that it had to be set up to allow for a couch. This meant the beds had to be raised up so the desks went under the beds. It also meant that one bed had to be pretty near the fixed position heater.</p>
<p>That parent prevailed on the physical arrangement (toe avoidance at its finest) but when I offered to let the two boys take my vehicle and go to the near campus used furniture store (my S was familiar with the campus area and had friends in upper grades who had told him where to score great dorm used furniture) and select a couch they could go in on, that parent balked and said she’d drive them. </p>
<p>They returned, sans any couch. I later asked my S what happened. He said they had gone to the used furniture store and found a couch the boys both liked, but the partent had vetoed that. They then went to a chain furniture store where the parent found a couch that was “just perfect” which had to be ordered and was going to cost over $250, plus tax, plus delivery. </p>
<p>My S asked the roommate point blank --did he like that couch. Neither boy was particularly excited by the couch. My S told the parent that he was not interested in having to put in over $150 for half a couch when the one at the used store was fine and only cost $79.00. My S’s fixed money and his earnings had to cover this type purchase (i.e., he had to budget). This did not go over well, but all they returned with was a rug the parent had picked out and paid for.</p>
<p>My S told me that they sold the rug a couple of weeks later and bought two bean bag chairs (cheap) and had an older student friend drive them to get them. He said that had turned out better than a couch because they both had something comfortable to sit on rather than a couch only one would use at a time. By October the heater kicked on and they took down the elevated beds becuase hot air rises and made sleeping elevated unpleasant.</p>
<p>I say stay out of it. They are 18 and can figure it all out and accommodate budgets.</p>
<p>I understand what you are saying 07DAD but there is nothing to be lost by a quick e-mail. It just makes sense (IMHO) to lessen the drama that could ensue, whether that’s kid or parent induced. Our family is all about bargains and saving money.</p>
<p>My son is a junior and has just moved into an apartment off campus with four other people, including a vegan and a vegetarian. He and two others are in the healthy eating omnivore camp. </p>
<p>The vegan has asked the omni group not to cook “meat, sausage, or pork products” in the apartment because it makes her vomit and cry. That’s been amended to don’t fry or grill, but bake or nuke is ok. The omni group still has been requested to have their own pots, pans, dishes, and utensils to be used for any meat products.</p>
<p>They did all know each other before hand (and were friends beforehand), and even knew about each others’ dietary preferences – but the hard line issue only came up in the last two weeks. </p>
<p>Personally, I am astounded, but letting them work it out.</p>
<p>That is not what the link you posted says, coolweather. It says an ovo- vegetarian would be VEGAN if he/ she did not consume eggs. Same with the lacto (would be vegan).</p>
<p>OP’s son has told her that he will make contact and that leaving it till the last week was just being lazy.</p>
<p>I’m not surprised. And, it may mean the two potential roommates view it the same–not important to make the contact before move in. At least they have that in common. My S had attended multi-week camp in the summer for years and never knew who the other campers in his group might be. He always reported that this was part of the experience to see how the dynamics worked or did not work. I doubt that most parents who went off to college in the 1960s and 1970s had advance contact with assigned roommates. The adjustment on the fly was part of the college experience, good or bad.</p>
<p>Besides, if the contact is supposed to involve negotiating a bunch of stuff about an unseen dorm room (especially as a parent surrogate), that has a significant risk/downside of early friction and/or misunderstanding. For instance, a discussion of “I’ve got a large flat screen TV I’m bringing” may not be the best news to a student who wants the room to be a quite place to study and sleep. Why have that possible argument or trepidation weeks in advance when the actualities and practicalities of the room layout and/or the availability of TV in the common area(s) may make that a non-issue.</p>
<p>One poster mentioned that their student tried to make contact and was met with no response. That’s got to be getting off on the wrong foot.</p>
<p>Another poster reported that their student’s social media pre-move in bonding with the other roommate was “great” but that the reality of being roommates was not. Assigned roommate is an example of what you see is what you get. IMO it is what the student sees in person that is the reality.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if the two students reach out early and both want, need and value that contact–they will do so without parental encouragement. As far as the college my S attended, they had a facebook page of the admitted/attending freshman up and going the first day after the admission decisions were sent.</p>
<p>^as now I still don’t know if son has contacted his roommate or not.
07DAD is correct that son’s future roommate doesn’t seem to be interested in contacting son neither. Son did mention that his roommate is very likely an international student (with distinguished Chinese name) and he can’t find his roommate on FB. Son does use FB as his major communicating method, instead of emails. So maybe that also caused the laziness? Haha! My bad. It seems like I’m finding any excuse for son. :)</p>
They are both great guys (it’s a triple) – I think they really lucked out rooming together.</p>