Since everyone is doing it,...

Applying to College
1

Can you read my supplement essay-it’s called “Statement of Hearing Impairment”. Thank you so much for your help!

My thirst for knowledge and motivation have enabled me to overcome my profound hearing loss, so much so that I am a consistent honor student and a member of the National Honor Society. This has instilled the belief in me that I can do anything and do things as any hearing person would do. At the same time, my hearing disability makes me a stronger person.

My deafness has helped me to become the driven, dedicated student. Because written English is based on spoken language, my vocabulary level and scores on college entrance tests are lower than my peers’. I have taken an independent class, Study Resources, throughout middle and high school to work on my verbal skills. Each week, I make a list of ten unfamiliar words used in my classes and then look up their definitions. I then write short stories or sentences using those words. It helps me not only remember the words but also improve my writing skills.

My deafness has taught me to be an advocate for myself. Although I use an American Sign Language interpreter to access information in classrooms, I have to fend for myself and solve my problems on my own. I utilize all the extra help that is available to me during school hours and after school, and I go the extra mile to seek additional help when needed. If I know I am struggling to understand a particular subject, I will work with my teacher or my tutor in Study Resources until I feel completely comfortable with the material. If I need extra time for a test, I discuss my needs directly with my teachers. I do not like to make excuses for my deafness-that is why I feel so strongly about being my own advocate.

In high school, I have become completely independent both on the academic and nonacademic fronts. I must advocate for myself in communication with the others by telling them to face me when they speak and speak in their usual manner. When I do not understand what they are saying, I ask them to repeat in a different phrase. I always encourage people to ask questions because this keeps the lines of communication open and prevents feelings of uneasiness.

Although most people would view having a hearing disability as a negative trait, I’ve been able to use it to my advantage by developing the ability to persevere in the face of adversity and by becoming my own advocate. As a matter of fact, it has made me a stronger person, a person who believes that she is capable of tackling problems no matter how great. Instead of viewing my hearing disability as an obstacle to my goals and dreams, I use it as a catalyst to my actions to overcome obstacles I encounter in my life.

Note: It is my first draft, and I know it is still shaky- that’s why I am asking you how I can change it. Thanks again!

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<p>It's okay- I can accept brutal criticism-that's why I posted it here. You can say "It sucks" or "It needs blah blah" or whatever. Be honest, and I would appreciate more if you give me specific suggestions!</p>

3

<p>So is this supposed to be a get-to-know me essay, or a "I'm deaf, by the way"? If it's supposed to be more of a get-to-know me, I'd make it seem more story-ish, with a beginning, middle and end, and put more emotion into it. If it's supposed to be an exposition of fact, I'd throw in more facts, like, Have you been hard of hearing since birth? Are other members of your family hard of hearing or deaf? What type of special services will you need when you get to college?</p>

<p>Umm... Organization could be more linear. You present your solutions before you present your problems, it seems. I'd maybe start with an anecdote, develop with the cold hard facts of your hearing loss, continue with the steps you've taken to succeed in a world designed for and by the hearing, concluding with a positive, upbeat note. (However, that's me and my style, not necessarily yours.) I'd also be very specific when you state ways you compensate. It's such an interesting dilemma, if you can preserve a narrative aspect, you can really grab some attention. For instance, if this is a get-to-know me essay, how is your life different from those of the hearing? Do you watch TV with closed captioning? Does your doorbell flash lights? Things like that. </p>

<p>Your language is very formal and almost stiff. I'd loosen up a bit, but again, that's my personality. You're revealing a very personal facet of your character--a light touch could show that you are comfortable with your hearing loss. Conversational, like. You want to seem confiding, not defensive. </p>

<p>The paragraph discussing your difficulties with vocab and such could is slightly weak. You speak very broadly, as if you're hedging around your weakness. Personally, I'd take out the bit about scoring below your peers. You're probably trying to explain why you scored supposedly low on the verbal SAT, and they might think you're making an excuse, despite your other statements. Instead, I'd describe WHY English class (and probably History) is difficult, citing specific things. (Maybe, "My hearing loss obviously makes traditional, public school difficult in a myriad of ways, but no where does it cause me more trouble than in English, where datdidatdidah.) It's probably hard to master the nuances of sentance structure designed to be effective audibly, when you're reading lips and uncertain of a fraction of the words. Also, doesn't ASL have a different grammer system, with the subject and predicate often inverted? That'd throw me for a loop, reading the rules of one language from hands speaking another. If you explain WHY verbal is hard, they'll remember it when they look at the SAT, AP scores.</p>

<p>If you don't want to make many drastic changes, I'd just go in and tighten things up a bit. Try to eliminate ANYTHING that could be construed as redundancy.</p>

<p>Good luck, by the way! One of my greatest friends comes from a family with hereditary hearing loss--in fact, her aunt teaches dance at Galladeut (sp?) in DC. I've been to several of their recitals, and they're amazing. 'Nothing but admiration for you from this corner! Where are you applying?</p>

4

<p>I am thinking about UPenn, Duke,Dartmouth and Harvard. I will apply to public universities too like NC, UVA, and BC. By the way, thanks for your comments. It is really helpful- I agree with you all the way-hey its just the first draft! :)</p>

5

<p>I think that's a good start. </p>

<p>Things to consider: The overraching message is that your deafness has been beneficial to you, but that message is clear in the first paragraph, and I dont' feel that it is further developed as well as it could. I think its better if you focus more on one of thos stories rather than to brieftly go over them. Essentially, what it feels to me is more like an expository essay with a list of items rather than a story. Writing it more in story form gives an essay a better voice and more the reader can personally relate to.</p>

<p>But on the other hand, that's not bad and it's great that you've gotten started this early.</p>

6

<p>It's really broad, silly question, but how can I make it more storyish? I understand that, basically, I need to put more emotions and explain my feelings about my hearing loss and why my verbal is low. But, how does that work? Do I need to start the introduction with the problem like funny incident that is caused my deafness (always happens :) ) And then I talk about my life as a deaf person (closed caption, ASL, etc.) and how I feel about it (sometimes frustrated but look up to positive things). I talk about problems and then write the solutions (like above). Finally, I will make a conclusion about how deafness made me a stronger person and conclude it with a last, postive sentence. How does that work? At the same time, I feel like I will have to start it all over again.</p>

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<p>Losing the first paragraph only improves the piece. I also wouldn't point out that your scores are lower (they can evaluate the scores themselves.) You might say that you have to work harder to get your scores. But note that the next sentence goes off on an entirely different tangent. It's better when each sentence builds from each other to make a strong paragraph. </p>

<p>It does have a repetitive quality. Try not to repeat the same words. Even try not to say cliches like 'overcoming adversity'. That is something to show, not tell. I don't agree too much with the first commenter--in that you don't need to add lots of extraneous details. But details in the way of an anecdote are good in bringing essays to life and showing some personality. I don't think we get too much of yours here.</p>

<p>Usually there is a place for a short statement that gives medical or unusual circumstances to be informed/explained. In that case you can do it in a much shorter format. I feel that you could use 1/2 the words to convey the same information and conclusion. If this is your second essay, then I agree you should get more personal and use your own voice, rather than just try to make a "Statement of..." in place of an essay. You don't have to explain why you are deaf of how you feel about it necessairly.</p>

<p>The best way to do this is write a lot and see what comes out and the directions you think of going. Not worry too much about essay format and word count at first. Then try to put it into an essay.</p>

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<p>If you want to try a more story-ish style, the biggest thing you need to change is to narrow down the anecdotes you want to tell about AND add more voice like a conversation. </p>

<p>For example, the following essay, found on the internet as a sample, is pretty good.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Of all the characters that I’ ve “ met” through books and movies, two stand out as people that I most want to emulate. They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald “ Moonlight” Graham from Field of Dreams. They appeal to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are influential people in small towns who have a direct positive effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that positive effect is something I must give in order to be satisfied with my life.</p>

<p>Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout I represent those things that Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I’ ll be entering the adult world, a world in which I’ m not yet prepared to lead.</p>

<p>I’m quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help others. They probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>One of the things that make this effective is that first, it's focus is narrow. If the author were to write about literary influences, his experience helping out friends, and a dinner conversation about philosophy, then the essay would be too loose and the individual stories would not have as much impact as one focused one.</p>

<p>Secondly, the story has a good natural build-up. The reader first gets the gist of it by the well-known book characters, but then is introduced to more personality of the writers as it progresses and climax at the end. Especially, the author relates the story's topic to his future life at Harvard. On the other hand, if you write the essay like a history essay, most of the content that could be built up to make an impact on the reader is already given out on the first paragraph.</p>

<p>...but again, there's no single way to write an essay. It's not really making it story-ish, but making bringing out the personality onto the paper (which for most people, making a story is more effective). When I was doing apps, I got a lot of essay sample books and read through many different styles. Some were extremely repetitive, with a lot of "I am...blah blah blah", but were effective in content. Some wrote play-like dialogues. And some even sent in comic strips rather than essays (and still got into Yale). So I think you should just play around and see what you like.</p>

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<p>Depending on what college this is being submitted to, take out the part about NHS and honor student. This seems like bragging and is not, in fact, very impressive at a lot of top schools. Also, I agree with the person who said the at you give the solution before the problem. Talk up how difficult it is first, then relieve them with how you've adjusted and made yourself a better person because of it.</p>

10

<p>Can I write a main essay about my deafness and a supplement essay about moving (it interferred with my academic performance)? Or is it too much-is it better to write a main essay about something and a supplement essay about deafness?</p>

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<p>Writing an essay about your deafness doesn't help the adcoms get to know you. Write an essay about you. Deafness is part of you, it can be part of your essay but I don't think it should be the focus. I am sure that there is so much more to you than being hearing impaired, but I can't see what it is from an essay about how being hearing impaired has made you strong. I hope that makes sense.</p>

12

<p>Your disability is part of you; it doesn't define you. I can't imagine writing an essay about my vision problems or my neurological disorder, especially since I know it would come across as "pity me" to at least one person. That might just be me, however.</p>

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<p>patty, i suggest a supplemental on BOTH the moving and the deafness, and a main essay that doesn't seem like it is making an excuse for something</p>