My kids are like @doschicos kids. They are very social but introverts as well. They are involved in sports, music, clubs, and fraternities, but when the day ends they like to be alone for a bit. My youngest has really felt this over the summer as it is his first summer working a job every day and when his work day is over he is ready to eat dinner and watch baseball.
My oldest had a double his first year, a single in the fraternity house his next 2 years and an apartment his last year. He hated having a double even though he liked his room mate. After a day of socializing he looks forward to being alone for a while. The fraternity house/apartment were ideal for him. His buddies were around when he wanted them but he had his own space to retreat when he wanted as well.
My middle is less introverted. He had a double his first year, a 4 person apartment (on campus) his second year and this year he is in a 2 person apartment (off campus). He also likes living with people but also likes to be able to be alone. He is at a Christian school and got away from the strict on campus rules as soon as he was permitted to do so. He wants to be able to have a beer and an overnight female visitor if he feels like it.
My youngest is not yet in college but he is very much like his older brother. Very social but an introvert. He was very excited that his top choice school has singles for freshmen.
The OP should advise her son to take his own personal preferences into account. A true introvert, even a social one, needs time alone.
Both of my kids were very social in college, especially the older one, but they both needed their alone time. They found it hard in college initially because they had to be around people all the time. They very much appreciated their single.
When I college I lived in a dorm, an apartment with 3 others, a sorority house, and then an apartment with just one other who was rarely there. I loved my quite apartment. I then moved home into pure chaos. Three brothers still at home, dogs, cats, my grandfather (constantly whistling). Noise all the time.
I don’t know of anyone who lived in a triple and was thrilled with the situation. Mostly neutral, but some definite misses. It seems like it’s often a different dynamic than singles, doubles, or even quads.
I lived in a double last year. Even though my roommate and I found each other and facebook and had met up once before, we just didn’t click. It was kind of an awkward year. I wasn’t in the room much, but when I was, she was almost invariably there. Didn’t even leave when I was crying on the phone with my parents and similar situations. I wouldn’t have wanted one more person adding to it.
tl;dr: If your son isn’t super-social and a single is logistically possible, do the single.
A double would be ideal but if given the choice between a single and a triple I would take the single every time. Three people in a room is too much for me. My son and his chosen roommate were assigned a triple last year. They quickly transferred to a older dorm that had doubles available.
I would lean towards a single. I don’t like the possibility of being the odd man out in a triple. I have seen one case where two of the roommates got along well and froze the third out. However to be fair, the third person was strange.
So-called triples are often doubles converted to accommodate overflow enrollment. DD’s BFF delayed room deposit for freshman year and was assigned a quadruple converted from dorm floor lounge - four beds, four dressers, two desks, and no closet - a horrible housing experience that likely caused one girl to stop functioning - depressed, not attending classes, to finally drop-out and go home, but unnerving her roommates as well. If a single is available, it’s often the best choice, practically-speaking.
I had a single as a college freshman, and as others have noted, it is great to be able to control the lights, the music, etc. and sleep and study without having to work around another person’s preferences. After the first semester, I did feel a bit lonely in the single, and became good friends with a girl on my floor who had a difficult roommate. I moved in with my friend and gave the difficult girl my single room.
It also depends on the room arrangement. If the triple is one large room it is very difficult to adjust to different sleeping schedules, demands for privacy, noise, etc. A common room / individual bedrooms would be OK. It rarely works out unless the roommates have similar schedules and classes in a single room. (e.g. engineers, nurses, etc in predefined programs)
Your son will have plenty of opportunities to socialize on his floor, in clubs and in classes. The slight social negatives are far outweighed by the ability to sleep, have some privacy, and have a quiet dedicated study space. I’d go single if cost is not a huge factor.
As a student speaking from experience, college is a tough, tough transition. I battled with the decision of a single vs a double for months before I actually applied. I am a super-social person, but I also love time by myself. However, I think a roommate was absolutely what I needed my freshman year. I can’t speak for everyone, as we’re all different, but in my opinion, those first few months are lonely, especially for students who really enjoy time with their families. I was homesick a lot in September/October (never crippling, but enough to bring my mood down) and what really made it work for me was the fact that I had a roommate to come home to every night. The horrors of college roommates are just not there as much as everyone seems to think they are. My roommate was kind of messy and had a boyfriend that was constantly in our room, but I still managed to sleep when I wanted, changed when I wanted, study when I wanted, etc. etc. The chances of roommate drama is a lot slimmer than you think. You’ll absolutely have your disagreements but that doesn’t mean it has to be a big huge problem when your roommate’s in a rush and you realize he used your toothpaste instead of his own. Everyone’s in the same boat and wants to get along with his or her roommates.
Another big point is that you don’t have to be best friends with your roommate. You can share a room and get along, but you are by no means required to see them outside of your room. It’s just so nice to have that buddy who you can grab dinner with when you have no one else to eat with (especially those first few weeks) and I think especially for an introverted person it’s nice to have that kind of thing to fall back on. A single might be far more beneficial down the road (when you’ve established a strong group of friends and aren’t in such a vulnerable position during that transition emotionally and mentally), but I think the benefits of roommates as a freshman in college during that transitory time far outweigh the * slim potential* risk of a sour experience.
I would always go for a single if available. People socialize on their halls: all he has to do is leave his door open! Having a place where you can close the door and be aone is invaluable.
Personally, I would prefer a single for all the reasons noted above. It’s nice to be able to claim and control your space. The only caveat would be that it might be awkward if freshmen are generally not assigned singles. In that case, there may be little social lubrication in the system for including that person. I’d also add that drama and exclusion tend to be less of an issue for boys. Not to say it can’t happen, but it seems more common that a group that doesn’t click just seems to coexist.
