<p>
[quote]
Mujahideen racoons. Would that be Orange or Red Alert for the backyard?
[/quote]
The racoons would only qualify for red alert if they are carrying little tubes of toothpaste, gatorade and have gel insoles in their little racoon army boots.</p>
<p>Or concealer. My sister had to fork over her concealer at the SF airport last week.</p>
<p>What'd they think- the concealer would work as camouflage makeup or something???</p>
<p>Without concealer we all look like raccoons, the plot thickens :D</p>
<p>LOL, bhappymom!
But then again, without it the racoons can hide behind their masks, and look like all the other burglars that wreak havoc on society, cats, dogs and trashcans. Hey, wait a minute--- any chance behind those masks lurk.....MARMOTS???</p>
<p>You guys are making me effing LOL.</p>
<p>Oscar Wilde only WISHES he was in Sinner's Alley.</p>
<p>How's that bladder control alu?? When I LOL, well... you know.....</p>
<p>Ah, perhaps Our Marmots are like the harmless and cute Mogwai, who, when a drop of water falls on them turn into GREMLINS!!! :eek: except in this case Mutant Marmots....OK, I just want to know WHO has been bringing Water into the Bar? Sheesh...</p>
<p>If Oscar had hung out here, he could have written the Ballad of Sinner's Alley, instead of that other grim place....</p>
<p>HEY BHAPPYMOM-
How do you only have like 10 posts to your credit? Do you only live in SA???</p>
<p>jym626 - My mother always told me I would come to a bad end :D , and here I am a denizen of the Alley...I do lurk outside SA, but only when the sun is down...</p>
<p>I'm at the empty bucket stage right now, but hopefully after my DD completes the process I'll be able to contribute something :) and who knows perhaps even become a Junior Member of CC one day. In the meantime while daughter stresses, studies, & stews...I come here for a little imaginary vodka martini and try to guess how many valium pills are in the big jar on the bar ;)</p>
<p>LOL. LOL again. </p>
<p>Alu - great story. When is the tell-all book coming out?</p>
<p>BHappyMom: Valium? NONE! We drink our worries. Generations of humans have relied on the restorative properties of champagne, beer, and booze to get by. Why mess with success?</p>
<p>Went wine tasting this weekend. One vineyard gives out chocolate truffles with the port tastings. YUM! Round of that, on me. (Lest anyone think that I'm turning SA into a class act, let me remind you that chocolate truffles make excellent mini-missles, to be fired at sober denizens of SA or the rampaging raccoons.)</p>
<p>ariesathena - :) You misunderstood me, I'm trying to win the big stuffed Marmot by "guessing" how many pills are in the jar!!!! I would never eat them :eek:....</p>
<p>PS I'm naturally Happy.</p>
<p>You mean like this</a> one? I can't really see it up on the shelf behind the bar there, through the haze of exhaust and burning oil over here...</p>
<p>mootmom - Have you procured a suitable bumper sticker to slap on as the van wends its way out of the drive? :D</p>
<p>Is it 5:00 yet?</p>
<p>Is the van done yet???</p>
<p>Hahahahaha! :D Oh, just pass me a 'shroom, and I'll be in the orange booth pretending that I'm on an island with some talking parrots and a cute pirate with good dental hygiene. </p>
<p>I've spent the morning fending off bear hugs from the Tongan guy who is doing yard work for me today. Three hugs in a row this morning after I agreed to give him another check so that he can pay for his truck to go to the dump. The third time he reached for a hug, I shoved my arm across my bosom so that he couldn't cop a chest feel. I told him I was descended from Spartans thinking that this would scare him off, or at least, make him think that I was capable of launching a thousand ships on his ass if he kept trying to hug me.</p>
<p>The day started when one of his workers asked to use my bathroom and then proceeded to stay in there for a really long time...That, I did not need. I have never been able to comprehend why anyone would...um, you know -- let loose -- in a public restroom. So, the idea of a total stranger stenchifying up my own bathroom is way beyond the limits of what I consider to be good manners.</p>
<p>I waited for a while, put on a hazmat suit, and entered the back bathroom. A closed toilet lid is not a good sign, but I went in and raised the edge of the lid just high enough to get a glimpse of whatever was underneath. It was like holding your fingers over your eyes at a scary movie when you know that you're about to experience the same fright reaction as a fish. Damnit, Jim! Why didn't you use the thunder box at your own house before you left for work this morning?! </p>
<p>I really did not want to look under that lid, but I had to, so I thought of all the really gross things I had ever seen, like placentas; horked up lizards; the roadkill badger that my college housemate stored in our freezer without telling me; and the time that my newborn shot a stream of throwup across the room, and it landed in my flipflop. </p>
<p>I lifted up the lid and was relieved (heh) to see only cloudy water. A quick plunge with the 2-1/2 foot tall, neon-yellow handled plunger that was sitting right next to the toilet would fix the problem. Then, I could get back to fending off the hug monster. After implementing a hazardous materials spill procedure, I went back to the rampaging raccoons and TVWFH. ;)</p>
<p>TVWFH = The VW From He** :)</p>
<p>I have the perfect bumper sticker for mootieson
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002U68PO/102-0825116-0160952?v=glance&n=15684181%5B/url%5D">http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002U68PO/102-0825116-0160952?v=glance&n=15684181</a></p>
<p>D'OH!!! Um, I may be liberal and all that, but, um, I think I'll let him buy that one himself if he wants it.. :eek:</p>
<p>The engine is almost completely back together and is scheduled to go into the van tonight. Then we hold our collective breath while he inserts the key and attempts to start it. Breathe positive thoughts into tonight's beverages, all. I'll report back later....</p>
