<p>Audiophile, you're welcome to dig into the archives and retrieve the dumb blonde joke thread! :)</p>
<p>Hey audiophile!
I don't think we're "bashing"- We love our male family members. We're just telling it like it is :) But, if it comes across as bashing, then we'll blame Cheers. She started it! :D</p>
<p>S#1's first word was "ball" and 2nd word was "book." I considered the second word a major victory. ;)</p>
<p>We banned guns too. Didn't work either.</p>
<p>HOWEVER I feel pretty certain that I am one of the only mothers of 3, two of them boys, that NEVER bought a Nintendo, Xbox or any other similar game system. I just couldn't imagine having to limit time on 3 electronic devices so I simply did not let it enter my home. They play at their friends' houses, resulting in a net playdate out-flow, an unexpected but handy fringe benefit :)</p>
<p>I worked hard to teach my boys their first word-- and was able to successfully get both of them to come out with "papa". Came in very handy at 3 in the morning!! They didn't want me-- they wanted dada!! It might have come out as either "pa-pa" or "ba-ba", because infants first sounds are made with the lips smacking together ("m" "b" and "p" sounds are the first made by babies-- hence the proliferation of "ball" in this crowd!)- Oops, I digress. Point is-- got those little buggers to ask fo dear ol' dad when it was time to get up in the wee hours of the morning.... :)</p>
<p>I always say I love men. I married a man and I gave birth to a baby man.</p>
<p>Anyway, I've always thought this but used different categories.</p>
<ol>
<li>Balls and round things for bouncing and squeezing and kicking.</li>
<li>Long sticklike implements for hitting things.</li>
<li>Things that go fast (skis, bikes, cars)</li>
<li>Loud noises, either super loud or horribly repetitive.</li>
<li>Hierarchical status-ranking behavior.</li>
<li>Aggression.</li>
</ol>
<p>OK, OK, I got the last two from a periodical called Foreign Policy that said these are two unequivocally male characteristics...</p>
<p>But I don't think boys have all of these. </p>
<p>Me, I have a 1, 4, 5 boy. Weapons, BTW, are a combo or 2,4 and 6. Statistics are of course #5. Etc, etc, etc.</p>
<p>And all I know is that although my S doesn't like explosions boy he sure thumps a lot in a repetitive manner. My standard statement is, "S, cease!"</p>
<p>And BTW, SBMom I am so jealous you never fell into the video game hellhole.....</p>
<p>In raising a son, I've come to understand men better. I think men retain their "inner child" much more strongly than women. I've come to recognize in my husband the 5-year old, the 11-year old, and the 16-year old, in addition to the adult. </p>
<p>And why is it that boys can make great exploding noises and girls can't?</p>
<p>Sorry SBmom, we never had play station, xbox or any other video machine--game or otherwise. Didn't matter. We bought computers and they have been stuck on them ever since.</p>
<p>*This wasn't meant to be bashing, audio. Just a bit of wry observation about how well men have adapted to female society when, in fact, their fundamental interests are often subsumed. </p>
<p>I didn't have a girl, so I couldn't define the stages for girls. Can you do it?</p>
<p>My friends who teach primary school tell me girls are social power demons in 5th grade. I've always wondered if that was a stage.</p>
<p>
[quote]
The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you. --Tom, Four Weddings and a Funeral
[/quote]
So glad I didn't make Woodwork's, "F*** You, and the Horse You Rode In On," thread! Gawd, almighty. :D </p>
<p>I don't know how anybody has the energy to come up with an epic flame like that during the holidays. I have a seasonal braincloud from wrapping gifts and packing the out-of-state boxes. I am lucky if I get the right label on the right box going to the correct state. I've caught myself combining parts of my own address with theirs. Whatever state they live in, tough luck, they now live in California! I've been trying extra hard not to put the names of recently-divorced ex-spouses on the gift tags. After 20-something years of writing, "To Marge, Love, Sluggbugg," it's hard for me to skip past 3 years of in-between girlfriends and remember the name of the new wife, whom I've met only once. </p>
<p>One year, my 90+ grandmother sent the kids presents and wrapped up one box with no gift in it. When my son opened his present, it was filled with AIR. :rolleyes: I haven't done that, but I have taped up more than one cardboard box, and then, forgotten which one went to which recipient.</p>
<p>Don't ask me what I wrote in the Christmas cards, this year. I was in a hurry, and my handwriting wasn't that legible. There were several times when I thought, "Close enough," when it came to deciphering individual letters of words. Sometimes, I'd resort to scribbling and leave it up to them to figure out what I was trying to say. </p>
<p>Last year, I made notes next to the names of people who sent me cards that were "Jesusy," or they wrote long, detailed descriptions about gross medical procedures. I do not wish to know this information, at least not in a Christmas card with a cute puppy on the front. This was supposed to be a reminder to myself not to make crass remarks that might offend my friends and family members who take the holidays a lot more seriously than I do.</p>
<p>I'll take an eggnog and one of those cookies with the Hershey kisses squished down in the middle. :)</p>
<p>haha Slugg. I thought WW's list was terribly middle school. marite? Less 'muscle' than whom? Give me a break.</p>
<p>I have a friend who has 8 children under the age of 14. She's moved to a country where having 8 children is considered beyond the beyond. She swears the new primary school principal is following her to the grocery store because every time the kids have a meltdown in the gorcery, the principal walks around the corner.</p>
<p>To top it off, the principal rang her a few weeks ago to report that her 8 year old had walked to school and was unhappy. Why? He was unhappy because he had opened his lunch box and found that it was empty! <em>add scornful 'bad mother' tone here</em></p>
<p>My friend was less concerned about her boy's sad lunch plight than the knowledge that she hadn't cleaned that lunchbox in ages and she knew was caked with old lunch gook which the disdainful principal had now inspected. Oh drat!</p>
<p>Stages for Girls?</p>
<p>Birth to age 3: "Messy but Fun" Fingerpainting and watercolors, mud pies, sandbox, and water play. When tired-- Storybooks and make believe (especially dress up.) Kittens, bunnies, and petting zoos very popular. Balls possible as well, though not certain. </p>
<p>Age 3 to age 5: "Gaudy Ballerina" Pink tulle, glitter shoes, gossamer wings, feather boas, and any prop or costume related to a hooker, fairy, princess, Dorothy, or Cinqo de Mayo. Makeup optional.</p>
<p>Age 5 to Age 10: "My Little Pony" Characters from Happy Meals have feelings-- didn't you know? They all need to be put to bed under kleenex blankets with goodnight kisses, or they could be sad. Kiddles, Barbies, stuffed animals and thrashed "luvvies" also need elaborate rituals, dressing, washing, hairdos and tuck-ins.</p>
<p>Age 10-13 "Mean Girls Have Ruined My Life"
aka "Where are my Boobs?"
An ugly, ugly time. Choices? You may become (pick one): tomboy/jock, miserable wanna-be, ghostly scarcely-present girl, nerd, victim, goody-two-shoes, or mean-queen's courtier.<br>
No choice is particularly fun.</p>
<p>Age 13-15 (Option A) "Forget Little Ponies, Get me a $12,000 Hunter-Jumper Thoroughbred!"<br>
(Option B) "Thongs"</p>
<p>Age 16-18 (Option A) Same choices as Age 10-12 However several of them can now be quite fun as you have the confidence to know they are "you."
(Option B) "Thongs" still valid</p>
<p>SBMom - I have observed that a key descriptor of the Girl aged 6-7 is the Things Must Be Done Properly phase. This could relate to your "elaborate rituals of dressing, washing, hair-dos and tuck-ins." But in my observation it includes a heavy emphasis on playing games by The Rules, directing younger children in the Proper Way to do things and, best of all, informing parents when said younger children Stray from Proper Behavior. </p>
<p>Of course, I don't have a daughter but I have loved watching this developmental stage appear like clockwork in my nieces, young friends etc. I think it's part of what makes any 5-7 year old girl a sort of "second mother" to a new baby in the house?</p>
<p>jmmom, very good point. It may also be why girls that age like cooking (instructions, steps, rules, outcome.)</p>
<p>SBMom, LOL. Love the Where Are My Boobs!</p>
<p>So right. Only two things to add.</p>
<p>In Phase 3, age 5-10, some girls take this stage way beyond the pale. My D had a shampoo bottle she insisted on wrapping in blankets. She named it Poona or something. It lived in our house for at least three weeks. Ate meals with us. Anyway.</p>
<p>And somehow you left out boys....Perhaps the ways girls view boys and boys view girls deserve their own phase statements. I have always thought that boys see girls as a mix of soft round things like balls, and something worth learning how to use implements for.....Now how do boys fit into the girl phases?</p>
<p>Yes, Alu, another refinement that will improve the list! </p>
<p>Okay here is the progression of how girls view their peer boys</p>
<p>0-3: Loud and a little erratic but entertaining</p>
<p>3-5 They do not exist.</p>
<p>5-10 Baby boys are for mothering, younger brothers are for bossing, and peer boys are for playing basketball with at recess</p>
<p>10-13 (A) Still playing basketall (B) They EXIST, ergo, They do not exist</p>
<p>13-15 (A) Boys are for lugging hay bales, etc (B) I HAVE TO HAVE HIM OR I WILL DIE!!!!!</p>
<p>SBMom. Yes. That is it. We of course had an Option B in our house. ROFLMAO.</p>
<p>As S1 and S2 were selected (without much input) as bona fide 'boyfriends' in grade 4,5 and 6, I'd say there is a (C) option for Boy Phase 10 to 13, Yeah, he's MY boyfriend, (during school hours that is).</p>
<p>Love the list SB. Funny, from everything I've read about testosterone, you'd think it would be boys madly declaring "I have to have her or I will die". But no, they pretend to be so cool. Hormones? What hormones?</p>
<p>Love the refined Girls view of Boys list, SB and Alu. </p>
<p>cheers - DS was also on the receiving end of "boyfriend" designation in grades 5-6. Not only were he and his cronies "cool" about it, they were down right Machiavellian. Neighbor mom got the following explanation from her S as to why he took the girl phone calls even tho he didn't want to: "You have to be nice to them now, mom, so they'll still call you in 8th grade when you actually <em>care</em>."</p>
<p>At 48, I'm back to the, "Where are my boobs?" stage. In my case, it should be called the, "Oh, there they are, waaaaaay down there!" stage. In the Spring, I'll progress to the, "Oh, F***! It's time to try on swimming suits!" stage. Well, it could be worse...I could be like H and have to worry about the, "Where is my prostate?" stage. :eek: </p>
<p>But, I digress...hey, it's celebration time! I'm mailing off the last out-of-state Christmas box, today. Yay! It's extra fun to go to the senior citizen Post Office, the branch near our local senior community, only because I love to watch grownups under 65 throwing adult tantrums while they're waiting in line. When this happens, the senior citizens are as cool as cucumbers because they know something that the rest of us really don't get until we're that old. Waiting in line at the Post Office during the height of the holiday rush is enjoyable compared to a lot of other things that seniors face as they get older. </p>
<p>They're thinking that they are lucky to have this opportunity to get out and socialize, even if it is at the Post Office. It's a nice, orderly place, and there are clearcut rules and procedures that everyone follows. The line moves slowly, and they can keep up. They could be waiting in line at the Post Office enjoying their independence, or they could be wandering around in the Safeway next door, escorted by a woman named Hilda who was hired by their adult children to babysit them all day. </p>
<p>Especially during the holidays, there is friendly banter, and often, very funny, snarky remarks about the inefficiency of the government. Drawing on 50 or 60 years of experience, these folks can come up with some good ones! Plus, I feel young at the senior citizen Post Office, and the seniors always make me feel like I'm not the worst parent who's ever lived. I love hearing about their kids, and it gives me hope that my kids will survive their fledgling college years and be able to make a living, someday. </p>
<p>The time-is-relative thing that seniors know about is an antidote to Bay Area uptight craziness. It's like walking into a library where you know that you are surrounded by vast amounts of interesting information, except the sources are the people standing next to you in line. If I'm lucky, one may say something to me. Or, they may just stand there in line, quietly teaching me something about patience. :)</p>
<p>An Ancient Ancient Age and a basket of Bugles, doddsdad. Here's to old folks! ;)</p>
<p>And here's to our eloquent muse, sluggbugg. :)</p>
<p>
[quote]
At 48, I'm back to the, "Where are my boobs?" stage. In my case, it should be called the, "Oh, there they are, waaaaaay down there!" stage
[/quote]
Slugg- I KNEW you were going to post something like that, as you have made reference to your gravitationally pulled, south pole directed hooters in the past. I thought the same thing, but more along the lines of "where are they?- Do I need to go back to a training bra?" as one would need a microscope, magnifying glass or a pair of binoculars to see them at all. I used to have a t-shirt that said "objects beneath this shirt are larger than they appear". If it were only true....</p>