<p>All kids develop at different rates. One of the oldest kids in our son’s class was also the least physically developed. There are kids that are 2 years behind our son that are more physically mature than our 17 year old, you just never know…</p>
<p>That’s true, SteveMA.</p>
<p>But on the average, if you put a kid in a class with much older students, you’re increasing the chances that this kid will mature later than his classmates. </p>
<p>Similarly, if you put a kid in a class with much younger students, you’re increasing the chances that this kid will mature earlier than his classmates (a problem for some kids who were redshirted for kindergarten).</p>
<p>Boys seem to suffer the most if they mature later than their classmates; for girls, the ones who mature early seem to have the hardest time socially. Thus, I would be more wary of skipping a boy than a girl. </p>
<p>And the OP’s kid has already been skipped once. We’re talking about putting this kid in a situation where he would be two years younger than most of his classmates and three years younger than the ones who were redshirted. That’s a huge age difference. </p>
<p>The problem with skipping grades, as I see it, is that it’s permanent. If being younger than classmates turns out to be a problem later, the skipping can’t be undone. The only way to normalize the situation would be a gap year, and that usually isn’t possible until just before college. A 6th grader is a long way away from the time when he could take a gap year.</p>
<p>If a student needs greater academic stimulation, I would prefer to see it done in ways that don’t permanently place the student with classmates who are substantially different from him in age.</p>
<p>Though he might seem more mature than his peers currently, there is a good chance that that will not be the case in high school and college. Furthermore, if it was a girl, maybe it would be less likely, but because boys mature slower than girls (and though you may be saying he is a mature 7th grader, the maturity I am speaking of comes later in adolescence and puberty) there is a high probability he will be left behind socially in high school and college. As someone mentioned, socialization with the opposite sex will be greatly hindered, no matter how “mature” he may seem at the time. I can tell you, as a teenage girl who prides herself on not judging others,even I (and every other teenage girl I know) would be wary about socializing with a kid two years younger in the first couple of years of high school. And that is an invaluable time to build up social skills and similar life skills.</p>
<p>I agree with the people who have suggested finding a school or program which will enrich and challenge him more. Yes, some are expensive, but there are public magnet high schools and other schools and programs which are free. Not to mention many of the expensive and challenging high schools provide scholarships for students who can’t afford to attend.</p>
<p>At this age, I would lean toward not doing it. I might reconsider in a year or two for the simple reason that he hasn’t hit puberty yet and you don’t know when that will happen or how he will handle it. If he is two years younger than his peers and matures late, it could be a problem. Or it might not. But I wouldn’t discount the importance of physical maturity to a boy. I think you should explore other options first and then reconsider skipping later on if it’s really necessary.</p>
<p>Obviously I have somewhat strong feelings about this. I would clarify that both my sister and I turned out fine. For example she has a Ph.D in astrophysics i majored in math and physics and got a masters in mental health. My peer group has always been older, even now. I have always been very social. Being gifted is not quantitatively different from others it is qualitatively different. So providing a quantitative solution does not really address the nature of the problem. Gifted kids are different and are perceptive enough to know they are different. Putting them in an environment that only emphasizes their differences doesn’t help. They are still thinking differently than the others in the class but now they are also physically and hopefully developmentally different from their peers. I point out that while i was always told how “mature” I was, i was not mature enough at 12 to be physically intimate as my peers. I was thirteen when all my peers were going to prom. Developmentally I still had the equivalent of a high school sweetheart but I was in college. I still got my heart broken but I was in college without the support of my parents. Dealing with 18-19-20 year old frat boys at 15 was a stress that i wish i did not have to experience. Again, I turned out fine I just wish someone had taken the time to meet my needs without just taking the easy way out. I know that if my IQ had been as far over on the other side they would not have just said hold her back a couple of years.</p>
<p>Thanks a lot for all the posts. I read everyone of them and do agree with most of your points. </p>
<p>I believe the principle has good intention and the recommendation is not uninformed. He is keen about my son’s education. He is not simply looking for easy solution. He said he’ve seen thousands of kids (our school has over a thousand students, not even mention that he’s been a principle for quite some years), and he thinks my son is “exceptional”, “rare”, “someone he will remember for a lifetime” (his words). To be honest, I am not sure if my son is that good but I appreciate his nice compliment. The principle said that he’ve seen many bright kids but rarely someone like my son who developed in so many areas so well (not only academic areas, but also extracurrilar activities and maturity). He even “promised” me my son would do great after he skips to 8th grade. </p>
<p>On the other hand, I agree that the principle might not have thought about long term results. A boy who appears mature at age 11 won’t necessarily be really mature later. He might be. He might not. I feel too risky to make the decision now. There are ways to undo the skip, but they are complicated, and may hurt his self-esteem. </p>
<p>If he was a girl, I probably felt more comfortable to let him skip. A girl can take advantage of graduating a year early. But that is not so much an advantage for a boy.</p>
<p>We thought about taking high school classes. But math is the only class the district allows a middle schooler take at a high school. They know his case but they decided not to change the rule for him.
How will other people react to the skipping? This won’t even be a news in his school. His friends are so used to him being treated differently and they will accept it as nothing happens. But we as parents will probably be criticized by others, particularly if something goes wrong later. Is it important? Probably not. But it’s still a pressure.
I will check out the resources you suggested. I really appreciate all your suggestions. Believe me, it’s a very tough decision. This “good” kid gives us a real headache. Somehow, I wish the principle never brought this up.</p>
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<p>I wonder how you feel about parents that wouldn’t allow their 14-year-old child to date in the first place.</p>
<p>One more data point. There really was no good choice except grade skipping for our eldest (skipped kindergarten, skipped another grade later, then repeated 8th grade when we moved to a different state - his choice). He turns 17 in a few weeks, and will graduate in June. He’s still a year young, and as he says, “I’m ready to be away from you guys, but not ready to go to college.” He’s taking a gap year and going on a Rotary Youth Exchange before starting college (he went ahead and did all his applications, and will just delay entrance a year). He’s glad he skipped, and is glad he’ll be “un-skipped” before starting college. </p>
<p>If you haven’t already, check out [Hoagies</a>’ Gifted Education Page](<a href=“http://www.hoagiesgifted.org%5DHoagies”>http://www.hoagiesgifted.org). </p>
<p>Good luck! These “good” kids are their own special kind of challenge!</p>
<p>Changing schools is certainly one way to undo a skip if you regret it. And taking a gap year or even homeschooling are other possible solutions. I hate to think of a kid not able to take the science courses he ought to be taking just because the high school has a rule that you can only skip ahead in math.</p>
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<p>The first comment was mine. Warbrain responded.</p>
<p>I think it’s inappropriate for parents to forbid their 14-year-old child to date if that 14-year-old is a junior in high school – which is the sort of situation we’re talking about here. </p>
<p>If you accept the idea of your child skipping a grade, I think you need to accept the idea of permitting your child to do what his or her classmates do (except when the law prohibits it, as with driving or drinking alcohol) so that your child can fit in with his/her classmates to the extent possible. Having different rules for your child because of his age will only increase his risk of social isolation.</p>
<p>I skipped only one grade, but I’m sure my parents were squirming when as a junior in high school, I had something going with a senior boy for several months. I was 15. He was 18 – he happened to be one of the oldest in his class. But my parents had enough sense to realize that they had to treat me like any other 11th grader, and parents almost never forbid their 11th graders from dating 12th graders.</p>
<p>There are other 14 year olds in high school, they are just in the freshman class. If dating is that big of an issue, there will be options. We were never hung up on an “age” to date vs once you are in high school, solo dates were ok. The kids had “boyfriends” and “girlfriends” in middle school but for them that meant they sat by each other at lunch. Yes, other middle schoolers were more “involved” with their dating, but most kids were not.</p>
<p>It so depends on your child. My D is now a junior but skipped 2nd. Her friends are all seniors, so technically 2 years ahead of where she should have been and she really wishes that she was a another year ahead. As it is, she will finish all the classes she needs to graduate this year but the school won’t let her graduate early. She has decided to spend her senior year as an exchange student and then will go straight to college when she returns - she will be 17 then. I do believe that spending another year in high school would not have been the best thing for her. If she was allowed to graduate this year, 2 years early, I believe she would be perfectly fine in college. Driving later than all of her friends never bothered her and being 2 years younger than the group of friends she hangs out with has never been an issue. If you decide to skip another grade, you might want to look into things like exchange programs where he could gain a year of unique learning experiences and maturity before heading off to college.</p>
<p>Kind of a related story-when our oldest was a sophomore he wanted to date a girl but her parents wouldn’t let her date until she was 16-which was August before junior year started. They had to do a project together and they were meeting at the high school to work on it. I dropped S of and his friend’s Dad was dropping her off at the same time. We introduced ourselves and he took one look at our S and said, “oh, that is who you want to date. Um, he’s ok so yes, you can go to the movie on Saturday”. At the time our S looked like he was about 12, short, tiny, no real outward signs of puberty (facial hair, etc.). He was 16 though. Now he is out of college and in the working world and looks like is is almost 18–he’s just a late bloomer. His much younger brother looks older than he does–well, they both look like they are about 18 now.</p>
<p>The top boarding and day prep schools offer very significant financial aid. If you would qualify, I’d look into those schools, they would give him so much of what he needs at this stage including kids his age who are eqully advanced.</p>
<p>My son is two grades accelerated in mathematics (like yours an AIME qualifier in middle school). He attends the high school for math, which is logistically difficult but we manage. Even then, the class is not challenging but better than if he were in his on-grade level class. He could have scholastically handled full-grade skipping, but he liked his friends and preferred to stay with his age peers in the other subjects.</p>
<p>Other things that have helped him are classes on the Art of Problem Solving website and going to summer math camp for middle schoolers. </p>
<p>Only you know what is right for your child, but I think it has been of benefit for him to go through puberty with his same-age peers. Socially, he is well-adjusted and it has allowed him to stay younger and more innocent than if he were in an environment normed for kids two years older than he. </p>
<p>But there are no easy answers for dealing with kids like this. Everyone has to figure it out (usually cobble something together) based on a situation that works for your family.</p>
<p>Also look into online classes–CTY offers these for middle and high schoolers.</p>
<p>Our oldest daughter used the year she gained by skipping to do a “gap year” between 10th and 11th grade as an exchange student. Then she went to our state’s boarding school for gifted 11th and 12th graders and ended up attending United World Colleges for an IB program so she’s actually a year older than her classmates now. Middle school was pretty worthless for her except for learning violin and starting a foreign language but attending Northwestern’s Center for Talent development summer program helped. When our next one scored very high on the ACT in 6th grade we asked for him to take online high school science and social studies classes in the middle school library in place of the regular classes. With the math and foreign language offerings already in place, he entered high school with 18 credits and could immediately take more advanced courses in high school. He, too, has taken advantage of summer programs to further his interests and take college credits while in high school. He has nearly all the credits necessary to graduate high school after two years so he has applied for exchange programs and UWC for next year. Nearly all his friends are juniors and seniors but he had no desire to skip because of sports etc. I realize this is all anecdotal and may not be helpful, but I guess my point is that schools should accommodate gifted students and there isn’t just one way to do that. Sometimes you have to provide “proof” (SAT or ACT results) and/or offer to pay for online courses, but they should be willing to put the courses on your student’s transcript. Once your child gets to high school, things get much easier… Do take advantage of the Hoagies and Davidson Young Scholars parent bulletin boards. Good luck!</p>
<p>A million years ago (OK in the 70s), I graduated high school at 16 and then college at 20. (I only skipped one grade but was younger due to the way the school calendar worked). I always say it was great - I always liked being the youngest and felt I had a head start on life. However, today I would not let my child skip 2 grades. I think that socially it would be much more difficult than it was for me back then. Today many kids are starting school late (kindergarten at 6 not 5) and your 16 year old will graduating with 19 year old kids. Dating is just one example- but others are driving, drinking, etc. where he will be years behind his classmates and feel excluded because he can not participate in the social activities which others are doing. Socializing is an important component of development which turns us into successful adults. Find an academic solution, a private school which will accommodate him, classes at an accelerated level, etc. Don’t force him to be the outsider in college because of his age.</p>
<p>Didn’t bother to read the posts- sorry posters. Son started kindergarten before his fall 5th birthday and with multigrade elementary classes never did 4th grade. He was 16 1/2 when started college. He could have graduated with a math major after 3 years but did 4 (including grad level courses at a top 15 or so grad math flagship). He applied only to top grad schools and did not get in (brutal competition for math from overseas) so he finished the comp sci major his 5th year. He did 5 years of college instead of lementary school. When he was advanced in elementary school he was delighted and gat along well with his classmates. A girl in his HS class skipped a middle school grade- she now in physics grad school. A girl with a fall birthday didn’t move to the district in time to do any grade skipping but she spent her senior year doing college courses, returning home weekends and for some NHS stuff per her mother, now in an Ivy law school.</p>
<p>Currently son wishes he were more in synch with others. However, the definition of giftedness includes asynchrony of age and academic ability. Son finally revealed how bored he had been in HS, despite AP classes et al but his personality is such he doesn’t demand more of school. I wonder if he had not forged ahead if he may have failed due to boredom (I saw this in my childhood). Hindsite is always 20/20. I don’t believe he would have been any happier or in synch if he had spent more time making no progress in elementary school. One size education doesn’t fit all- see the example at the other end of the Bell curve.</p>
<p>Another problem with giftedness is numbers- a Bell curve distribution means very few at the higher end of intelligence- hard to find peers. </p>
<p>Most imortant is the child’s attitude towards apossible grade skip. Does he actively want to do it? Does he see benefits for himself? Regardless of his age in any grade it is unlikely he will find academic peers. It may be well worth his while to get HS over with and be able to be in college sooner.</p>
<p>This is an individual choice. I was not grade skipped and it didn’t make it easy for me to think like my classmates or be interested in the same things. It is tiresome to be considered a brain and be the odd man/woman out. Some of us don’t fit into the general population, even the college educated one, as well as others. It is very difficult for the highly gifted.</p>
<p>Addenda- scanned posts. MIT doesn’t have many 16 year olds, found that out when son was doing college apps several years ago. </p>
<p>Regarding dating. Some of us are behind socially no matter what grade we’re in. H and I were married in our 30’s- finally met the right person (H, his F and grandF were all ahead of their ages in India so there was a family precedent). The gifted are different. Hard to find a memeber of the opposite gender to be on the same level with. Much easier to fall into the middle of the curve where there are many like you. It helped to have a 21 year old drinking age. Driving at 16 meant no car parking pass as a senior (we lived a whole mile from the HS and wouldn’t have let him have a car anyhow). I was relieved when his HS CC team also made it to state his senior year- never dreamt he’d be an athlete. </p>
<p>Mom- go with your heart and listen to your kid. It’s his life. Have no regrets or should have done…Let him go at HIS, not society’s pace.</p>
<p>Another thought. Son did fine in big flagship U dorms. He was not the youngest in his honors Physics- there were 2 HS students, one a 14 year old girl. In my fantasies I wondered what her parents would have thought if a college student asked her on a date- only 2 years age difference! But my son, like his parents, wasn’t into dating at that age. Just because most date in HS doesn’t mean everyone does. You can still be normal even if you are not average for things. Definitely see the referenced Hagies website. Gifted are as different as ■■■■■■■■, the more gifted the more different.</p>