My youngest, a high school freshman started this fall at a big, boys Catholic school – his choice. It is hard to tell what is Covid, what is the school, and what is my kid, but he now hates school. They were in person until last week. He made some friends and had a virtually perfect report card, but he is stressed by the constant tests and finds the coursework boring. They started FT remote for at least now on Monday and he hated that even more. While also working with him on learning to tolerate these challenges, we are also considering a range of other possibilities, including having him skip a grade, which would shorten the time he is in a setting that isn’t a good fit (we are also considering other school environments).
I know what he would need to do to fulfill his graduation requirements. I am trying to get a sense of how colleges would view this. He would end up with 4 years of English, math, language, and religion and 3 years of science and social studies. He is especially interested in a military academy or ROTC, but not super elite schools. He will likely be an Eagle Scout and have some other appropriate leadership activities and several sports. He is old for his grade (15 years old) because we had him do an extra year of pre-K, a very normal choice for a summer/fall birthday boy in our area. So skipping him wouldn’t make him young, just the average age rather than older.
At most high schools it is not that hard to graduate early so that in and of itself won’t be considered a huge accomplishment. Some negatives of graduating early include:
– He will not have the opportunity to take many of the most rigorous courses the school offers (which top colleges look for) during his senior year.
–He will not have four years of science and SS which many top colleges look for (you can google the common data set for schools you are considering and look at section C – I looked at West Point and they recommend 4 years of science).
–He will not have the opportunity to do a fourth year of EC activities, where many students take on leadership positions.
We have a family member who was homeschooled and rejected from multiple colleges ( cited in their letters) due to not having 4 years of a foreign language. I have no idea how it would work out for your son. But honestly, I can’t see the upside. Seems like many schools want kids to fit within a narrow framework.
This family member who was rejected also had 60 college credits from a major University. He had pretty disappointing results in the college acceptance game. I think schools just didn’t bother to see what he HAD done.
@happy1 , yep – I definitely don’t see this as a positive differentiator – more looking for what the downsides are of this option and I appreciate you identifying some of them. I would anticipate that he would effectively skip sophomore year, so he would likely get to do the junior and senior APs, but you are correct that 3 years of science could be a drawback as could 3 years of leadership opportunities.
@Happytimes2001 , I think you are right that colleges are looking for people to fit into a narrow box to some extent. He will have four years of language (1 in eighth grade and then 3 more), but I am concerned about cutting short science and social studies.
I may encourage him to reach out to a couple of places to see what they say. Definitely considering other options as well. Hoping as things return to normal he will get more of the fun of school as well as the boring parts!
I would look at what is going wrong with his high school experience and address that first. Rushing through an uncomfortable high school situation just to get done faster doesn’t mean he will have the judgement skills or maturity to do better picking a college. It is very hard to figure out of his experience is what it would have been without the pandemic.
If he isn’t targeting ubercompetitive colleges, some of the admission requirements may be met anyway but why limit his options? The hardest part is predicting what other applicants in the pool will have to offer. If he has 3 years of science and he is up against students with 4 years and have doubled up on APs, he may be at a real disadvantage. Not sure what his current school offers in terms of awards or distinctions but at our school, for example, you need to have a certain number of credits at a certain point to be considered for National Honor Society or an assortment of awards given to juniors.
I’m with Helpingmom. Plenty of kids hate HS and do fine in college (me!) but helping him identify what’s working and what’s not is really a gift to him as he goes through adolescence. And a gift for you- trust me, the empty nest comes soon enough.
You could look into an early college program. My youngest son attends The Clarkson School, which is an early college program at Clarkson University in Northern NY. He was not a good fit for our high school and this program allowed him to start college a year early to shorten his time there. There are 60-70 students in the program and they are essentially college freshmen instead of their senior year of high school. They can choose to stay and finish at Clarkson or apply to other colleges.
Was he in Catholic grade school, or is this his first experience with Catholic education? We found some diocesan schools can be rigid in terms of formal expectations – which can turn a kid off (including teen boys who are less likely than teen girls to just do what the teacher says because they said it). My kid struggled in his transition to a Catholic diocesan high school – a kid whose grade school teachers raved about how engaged and insightful a student he was, now hated school. We kept thinking it would get better, it didn’t, and we eventually moved him to the public magnet program where he once again flourished.
If he is new to Catholic schools, that could contribute to the challenge integrating socially as kids often already have friends through their Catholic grade schools. Without in-person ECs, it’s hard to feel connected socially.
If he’s not new to Catholic schools, then perhaps it’s the switch to larger high school setting, as Catholic grade schools can be quite intimate, close environments. Is there a “Dean of 1st years” or someone similar you could meet with?
I’d focus on identifying the causes, and therefore solutions, to the current challenges rather than consider rushing through in three years to minimize the frustration.
Thanks everyone. We are definitely looking at what is going on to try to solve this. I promise we won’t jump into anything. This particular solution is more the last resort, I think.
@Midwestmomofboys , yes! That is exactly it. He was at a sweet, nurturing 150 kid school PreK through 8th. He was loved and he loved to learn. This is a huge change. We have been in touch with his counselor repeatedly. She is kind enough, so there doesn’t seem to be anything to solve. It’s tricky when he is performing well and looks happy socially, but says he hates it.
I honesty think the teaching is likely sort of dull. It’s hard to know if we work with him to try to tolerate it or try to find somewhere with a more engaging approach. Sometimes life is boring, but four years of boring feels kind of daunting.
I would have him change schools. It is hard to discern what is wrong during COVID, but it does sound as if the school is not a good fit for him.
He could try a local public or perhaps a small private with a nurturing culture similar to the one he attended previously.
I don’t know if Simon’s Rock is still operating but that was another early college. If he is going to skip a grade, I agree that early college might be better. For that matter, I know kids who left high school to do all dual enrollment at community college.
I highly recommend the Virtual High School https://vhslearning.org/ for online courses. Our high school not only accepted courses from VHS but the school joined and offered slots to 25 students per semester. They also offer summer classes. He could get some classes done then.
I had one kid who was kind of gifted and unhappy and we looked into ways to get out of high school faster. But our kid found some extracurriculars during junior year that needed exploring, and ended up being not only a focus in college but a career path. We found, in the end, that those last two years were really key for personal development.
What made you pick this school in the first place? My DS had a hard time when he first started. He moved from a public to a Catholic school. Most of the boys come from Catholic elementary schools with groups of friends. It can be hard to fit into the existing groups.
A couple of thoughts… He isn’t 1/8 through his high school experience. It’s unlikely to all be like this, and to the extent it is, he’s likely to find a way of making it tolerable, if not enjoyable. Plotting the fastest way out may be premature. With that said, this is a good time to figure out what that plan looks like because there could be a few things – including summer classes – that would need to be done for this to work and it’d be a pity to be close but unable to pull it off.
You might want to explore some other options, from a year abroad to boarding school (which it sounds like you are doing.) The latter come in all flavors, so maybe if he can articulate both what he does and doesn’t want (based on current experience), there is someplace that could get him feeling enthused again. Personally, I would take this over graduation a year early, but I suspect that by planning now, early graduation can be done without ruining his college prospects so long as you understand what the colleges on your list are looking for.
Thanks for all the great thoughts. Everything is on the table. I think some things fit (he likes the general culture of a boys’ school, big sports, etc.), but some things that he would have liked aren’t happening (probably no winter sports – which is his favorite one). The social stuff seems okay, but Covid is definitely limiting it (no games, dances, parties, etc.) The “boring” academics are the biggest thing. Some of this might be just the jump to high school, but I also think some is this school.
For now we are working to help him learning to tolerate this period/setting and then hopefully get back to liking what is good/accepting what is less good once things are normal. I feel like he was getting there on this option before we went remote.
We’re also looking at options including transferring elsewhere (another day school, a boarding school, even homeschooling, which would still be at home, but could be more interesting). Graduating early still means a long time in this environment, so not ideal in a number of ways.
Grateful to have a place to think this through with feedback!
one option that may or may not be possible in your area/school -can he do all dual enrollment classes for his junior and senior year while remaining a student at the high school (where he is or public high school). My daughter did her last two years taking only dual enrollment classes on a college campus but was still able to participate in all high school extracurricular and graduated from the high school etc. The classes were free as well as books. She didn’t focus on getting an associate’s degree but ended up with just as many credits and will be graduating college in 3 years with a double degree.
I was one of the youngest every year of school (K-12), graduating HS when I was 17.
IT SU(KED!!! - I can not emphasize how much it was a disadvantage in every aspect of HS. Social, Academic, Sports, sports, sports… In my senior year, I was competing having just turned 17 with students that might turn 19 the same year. That one more year of development would have been huge.
While your son may not be doing athletics in college, all the rest still apply.
I cannot help with college admissions, but I have a disillusioned high school freshman myself.
I think a lot of kids, actually a lot of people, would just like to get off that nightmare train that 2020 has been. I can’t think of any way freshman year of high school wouldn’t have been disappointing. At least he had a few months in person. Still, the social aspects (and athletic aspects, in your sons case) which make school fun or at least bearable are definitely impaired. I have children in middle and elementary school, and they definitely don’t feel it as much. While they miss their activities, they still enjoy having their parents around more, having a less hectic lifestyle and are fine as long as they get to have play dates with their best friends from time to time. Teenagers, even though they are old enough to socialise over the phone and on the screen, are just hit harder.
I’d ask him to stick it out until the summer. Things have to get better or we are all going to go bananas. If the idea of graduating early helps and only needs a few tweaks to his schedule for sophomore year, sure, why not. It doesn’t mean he’ll have to do it if things improve. But skipping a grade for a child that doesn’t desperately need it because they are so far ahead of the academics? Nah, I wouldn’t. And I have accelerated two of mine and held back a third. The drawbacks are only worth it if you know it’s the least worst option.
My thoughts are many kids from our area head off to the prestigious Catholic high school near us. Some love it and some hate is so much they transfer back to our big public so I do think fit really matters. Rushing through high school is a terrible idea socially. My youngish son did a gap year and I think it has helped him socially a lot in college not being the youngest as he always was with a summer birthday.
Having moved kids between schools many times (sometimes for moves / sometimes for fit), I get how hard it is- but also how much of a difference it can make.
Parsing your comments about your son he comes across as a bigger picture kind of guy- and for those kids constant small tests (which can only test small facts, not larger theories or perspectives) is like wearing shoes that are too small. The school is the school: they aren’t going to change how they do what they do. And, fwiw, this approach is (ime) not uncommon in Catholic schools. That’s not a slam on Catholic schools- that approach works really well for a lot of kids- but when it doesn’t fit it can be miserable.
Based on what you have here, I would transfer him in January (yep- I have done that, when after a move the new school didn’t work out- seeing a child who inately loves school miserable is not worth it), but if there is no tuition rebate/insurance and it’s a financial issue, at least say 'hey, we tried this / doesn’t look like it’s a good fit / let’s look at the alternatives and line up a different choice and you can transfer in Sept.
ps, I agree with the others; the standard is 4 years each of English, Math, Science, SS, & FL.
My son doubled up courses at the local U, cuz they were not offered at his HS. The only class he would have had his senior year at HS was English.
Others have suggested looking into courses at a local U, or switching schools next fall. Lots of options to explore.
I just feel its really zany out there right now in HS. this year is the worst. I agree with so much said already above. Trying to figure out social interactions, ECs, new friends, remote, boring classes, staying motivated – it’s all hard.
But in the midst of it all, I wouldn’t have your kid try to skip a year. I’m not sure how that would help. It would most likely add more to his schedule to get in more classes; and it would rush him out the door quicker.
the age thing - that’s a saving grace that he’s older if you were to do it. But maybe try to use that to his advantage in other ways. A job? Maybe add an extra class or two at the local CC? Look around for some ECs that aren’t school related. I KNOW. hard during Covid.
My youngest kid is 15; she switched schools this year too. I’m trying the best I can to provide a good Home Base for her. Switching schools was our way of dealing with situations at her huge urban low SES school (which was not putting an emphasis on education). It’s not been perfect; but I know I’d homeschool her or have her do online classes and a mixture of things before having her skip a year. Good luck - hugs to your son. please remember others too are having similar situations, so he’s not alone.