So I wrote my CommonApp essay on a tv show...

<p>And I'm absolutely horrified of it being received in the wrong way. The show I chose was The Wire, and I try to discuss the importance of socially relevant TV, such as The Wire, in terms of drug policy. </p>

<p>I'm hoping my essay will be my sort-of saving grace, as my stats are not that impressive. 3.4 GPA in a competitive, rigorous allied health magnet school, 2090 SAT, 700 SAT II Bio, and 300~ hours as a volunteer EMT (certified). I'm applying to Boston University, Northeastern, Stevens IT, and Rutgers. (But this essay is only for the first 3 schools)</p>

<p>Would any fresh set of eyes mind reading it?</p>

<p>Here goes: </p>

<p>“The idiot box:” something that television has been called since its widespread arrival into our homes nearly six decades ago. This pejorative has been used to convince people that television programming is void of intellectually stimulating content. This misconception implies that those influenced by TV shows are of less intellectual worth than those who find inspiration between the pages of a novel and it cannot be stressed enough that medium does not denote meaning. Matters of social significance can be addressed through any number of media, the “idiot box” included.</p>

<p>At the epicenter of socially pertinent television lies HBO’s The Wire- a brutally realistic drama portraying urban life in Baltimore. The show uses a set of seasoned detectives to explore the sociopolitical climate in which controlled substances, primarily crack/cocaine, are bought, sold and abused. The Wire is one of the most critically acclaimed shows in recent history because of its cerebral, yet entertaining, approach to powerful social commentary. </p>

<p>Ten months ago, while working as a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician, I found myself in the company of a man being placed under arrest for using crack. After being treated, the patient was released from our care and into police custody. Such a policy is simply incompatible with compassion and the core values of healthcare. After watching The Wire, I saw this attitude as being one-dimensional and simplistic in its approach to the complex issue of drug abuse. </p>

<p>The police officers of The Wire attempted to correct the city’s drug problem with large numbers of arrests and heavy-handed prosecution. Over the course of the show, drug use showed no decline whatsoever, but the fictional portrayal of this was not without factual basis. History has shown us that increased drug prosecution has little to no effect on drug sales, and violent institutions such as prisons only drive individuals to more drug use. </p>

<p>Countries that de-criminalize drugs see better results than those that maintain drug prohibition. This was replicated in The Wire when a lone district commander legalized drugs within his jurisdiction, and remarkable advances began to occur. Needle exchanges began, and condoms were distributed to anyone who needed protection. It occurred to this commander that, without fear of arrest or prosecution, addicts could openly get help, starting with the most basic disease prevention. </p>

<p>The Wire helped me realize that the drug-user I saw in my ambulance nearly a year ago was a victim, not just of his own addiction, but of the system as well. His addiction was not going to be cured with a prison sentence, but rather perpetuated by the intrinsically violent system he would move through during the subsequent years of his life. </p>

<p>A society’s interests are often represented best by its arts, television included. I think it is time more leaders turned to socially relevant television, such as The Wire, to grasp our cold reality with the warmth of fiction, and move the world in a healthier, better direction.</p>

<p>I think you talked about your growth very little, and it might hurt your app. I see you learned from your experience at the end, but it just wasn’t enough and a bit generic.</p>

<p>You submitted your application already, correct?</p>

<p>Why on earth do you want to beat yourself up about it when there is nothing you can do at this point and you will know for sure how it went over in a couple of months.</p>

<p>Nothingto1- thanks. Ill try to include myself some more. </p>

<p>Qialah- no I have not yet. My closest deadline is jan 1 so I have a little bit of time to review this final section.</p>

<p>Oh. In that case, it’s pretty well written, but it reads to me too much like a review of a TV show and not enough about you and your thoughts. I’m also confused by paragraph 3. Not sure what “attitude” you are talking about. Do you mean the policy?</p>

<p>This is a pretty short essay with two ideas going in inside it: 1. TV (or fiction in general) can be a catalyst for social change and 2. Our treatment of drug abusers is flawed. I would pick one and elaborate it a bit more. As it stands you haven’t really supported either argument adequately.</p>

<p>qialah- Thanks for the input. That is actually exactly what I was afraid of happening. </p>

<p>I did actually mean the policy in para. 3 I’ll clarify that. </p>

<p>It’s about as long as I could have made it I mean I’m tipping 480 or so words of the 500 I am allotted. </p>

<p>I’ll try to make it more about me and my thoughts, along with focusing on just one topic.</p>