So much anxiety... Can I become a doctor?

Pre-Med & Medical School Pre-Med Topics
1

<p>I'm going into my second year of college. My biggest issue is that I have this perfectionism that in the past has been very helpful but is now starting to interfere with my life and sanity.</p>

<p>I just get this sense of dread concerning new things and major life decisions that if I mess up or make the wrong choice, I'll end up disappointing and potentially even hurting people. I've spent hours and days at a time worrying about what courses to take, what school to go to, what to major in, and what career to pursue.</p>

<p>My latest worry is that I won't be a competitive applicant for top medical schools because there's nothing unique about me, and I don't have any passions. I also worry about whether I am capable of handling a leadership position in a new club on campus, or whether I'll just let everyone down.</p>

<p>I know it's irrational to see every opportunity and decision as a chance for me to hurt people. But the fears don't go away, because there really is a chance that I'll mess up, and that those mistakes could hurt people. Hours and days of extensive research helps (I've read so many pre-med forums and blogs) and so does reassurance from other people, but even dwelling on the matter can bring the feelings of dread and panic back up. </p>

<p>Usually, I end up making the safer choices and avoiding new people and situations. Often, I regret it. Sometimes, I throw myself into the situation I'm scared of. But even if things go well once, the fear of doing it a second time isn't reduced by the knowledge that I succeeded the first time. The anxiety keeps me up at night and gives me headaches and stomachaches, and I've started stress eating. It's the worst during the summer when I have nothing but time (I'll be busier this month, but I let anxiety stop me from applying for things early in the summer :(). I may see a counselor when I go back to school, but last year, it was really hard to book an appointment when I needed it, and the center is very far from campus. Moreover, I want to learn how to deal with things myself instead of always running to people.</p>

<p>I grew up under a smothering, verbally abusive, and prestige-obsessed parent, so I can figure out why I get these feelings to some degree. But I know that I cannot keep living like this, as a pre-med student, as a doctor, and just in general. I love children and find medicine fascinating, and to me, doctors (and even nurses) exude the kind of confidence, leadership, communication skills, and coolness under pressure that I aspire to have. </p>

<p>tldr; My anxiety is making it hard for me to live my life, and I'm tired of it. :( Am I fixable? Or is this just a thing I'll have to live with, and accommodate in my lifestyle? What should I do? Thanks for reading my novel, haha.</p>

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<p>You might benefit from intensive psychotherapy with a therapist who specializes in the kind of issues and background you present. Likely it won’t get better on its own, sorry to say. Check into practitioners covered by your health insurance rather than relying only on campus counselors. </p>

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<p>As a physician myself, I think there is a certain amount of anxiety and perfectionism that goes with the territory, but it sounds like your level of anxiety is no longer helpful. I would strongly recommend therapy. I think that it is the best thing that I ever did. You are investing time and money to understand yourself, so that you are then better able to help others. It is not just going running to people. There are many different kinds of therapy and what is actually most important is a good fit between you and the therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapy is very helpful with anxiety, but may not help you as much in truly understanding yourself. Psychodynamic psychotherapy, especially if done with someone who is trained as an analyst, can be very helpful in understanding yourself and change basic patterns of interactions with others. Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction might also be something to look at, particularly to address physiological symptoms of anxiety, and I believe that some of those courses can even be found on-line. I would also consider whether you really want to be a physician. While I love what I do, I believe that it is becoming more stressful with less patient time and more expectations regarding computer documentation with less reimbursement over time. If I were back in undergrad and wanted to work with children in a health care profession, I might look into becoming a speech and language pathologist or a physical or occupational therapist. I wish you the best of luck. You are clearly a thoughtful person with high standards who wants to do the best for others.</p>

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<p>@dyiu13‌ @jsrcmom‌ Thank you guys so much for the advice and kind words. I’ll definitely look into my options.</p>

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<p>Why you have to aim for TOP medical school? An MD from a “no name/State” MD school is the same as a TOP medical school. Financially, it may work out the same and it depends on the efforts you put in and some times luck comes into play as well. So, your anxiety level may change if you have lowered your carrier standards a little bit.</p>

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<p>@artloversplus‌ I guess my fear isn’t really just limited to top med schools; I feel like admissions officers at any med school will see that I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m not qualified to be a doctor. </p>

<p>But I know that unless my GPA and MCAT score get too low to be eligible for top schools, my parents will pressure me to apply to top med schools. And even if they don’t, I’ll keep thinking “Could I have gotten in? What if I don’t apply and I could’ve gotten in?” until I obsess myself into applying anyway.</p>

<p>But yeah, I know that I don’t even know what I’m looking for in a med school yet, and that I could be happy at a less prestigious school. I just don’t want to end up like I did after undergrad acceptance when I got rejected from all the Ivies I applied to, wondering what I could’ve done and beating myself up for not planning for applications soon enough.</p>

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<p>I think first you should relief yourself of thinking a medical school so the pressure will not be there and perhaps a psychologist can help you to achieve that.</p>

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<p>Everybody goes thru this. You just need to tell yourself every moment and every day of your existance to focus on the tasks at hand and forget thinking about prospectives like tomorrow. If you keep a planner, tomorrow will come and your planner will tell you what to do tomorrow. All pre-meds and medical students are perfectionists, they have to be, sorry, there is no other personalities allowed in medicine, period. So, forget about this one, nothing to worry about, you are just like the rest of the bunch. This is one obstackle that I showed you specifically how you can remove. If you peel them all one by one, you will be a free person, the sky is the limit then, right? It is nice thogh to have somebody to talk to when you feel down or uncertain. My D. does it and it helps whole ton. She is using me as one of her “listeners”. And some of her friends told her that she is a good shoulder to cry on also, it is mood up-lifting to be around positive and supporting people and stay away from intense, “put you down” crowd.
Unknown is very good though, it makes you realize that you are a human being after all, not an expert in everything, cannot perform your best all the time. Variety of people, variety of experiences make person more mature, more socially sensitive. It is important to get into something that you are not so sure. Most pre-meds around my D. had variety of un-related minors that had a risk to pull thier grades down. But, believe me, they were more tolerable to be around, they knew how to leave intensity behind and just enjoy the moment.<br>
Again, why think about “top Medical school” now? You did not even take an MCAT. How do you know which Med. School will match your stats? Way, way too early. Here goes another anxiety source, poof, gone, by-by. At the end of your junior year when you know your college GPA and MCAT score, you will have to figure out where you have a chance to get accepted. Add maybe one / couple reaches and one / two safeties depending on your goal for the acceptance rate. I mean your list would be different if you are OK with being accepted at 25% of the number of your applications vs if you want to be accepted at about 75%. My D’s goal was about 50%, she applied accordingly and got accepted at 4 out of 8 applications. I do not have experinece with applying to Harvard and such, but top 20s are a reasonable goal. If anybody pressure you to anything, you have to tell them to back off. stay away, the process is stressfull enough without artificially created additional stress.<br>
Again, enjoy your 2nd year and stop thinking about Med. School, way too early. Focus on getting that A in every class, not for the Med. School but for making yourself happy. It does feel good to get an A at the end, does not it? </p>

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<p>op’s anxiety cannot be turned off by we say you should. She knows well the cause of anxiety, however she has no control with it. OP is sick, OP needs psychological or Dr.'s help</p>

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<p>@MiamiDAP‌ I appreciate the comforting words and advice. I’m just nervous because to live in the moment would be like the “nothing” in “all or nothing.” Like how do I consider decisions and make plans for the future without obsessing and fearing irrationally, but also not just shutting my brain off and never planning for the future at all? That’s probably something a therapist could help me with, I guess…</p>