<p>Hugs to you! Our S is 5000 miles away & D will be going back to school, 2500 miles away. I am mostly pretty OK with it. S is happy in his job & D is a SR and loves her U (most of the time). We’re all handling the best we can. We will be going up to visit & all meet up in October at D’s campus for a football game. We will also all be home for Christmas & greet the new baby (niece is having a son–will be my 1st great nephew & first kid of any of the nieces & nephews).</p>
<p>Most of the time, things are OK, different, but OK. Hang in there! Are there friends/family you’ve been meaning to spend time with? Now might be a good time. How about taking up a great exercise program? Dance class? Courses at your local U/CC? Travel? We’re going on our 1st cruise in 3 weeks!</p>
<p>Thanks, HImom, I do feel better now. Went to the store and got some wine and cherries, which definitely perked me up! Obviously doesn’t take much. So your kids are even further (at least one), and over the ocean from you, and you’ve dealt with it. It does help to think of it all in segments, instead of…forever. I am having a hard time resisting calling my little guy and telling him, “You know, if it doesn’t work out, you can always come home and go to Seattle U, they said they’d hang on to your application for two years.” Must not do that!</p>
<p>Yeah, I need to find something else to do. I’d booked a Rick Steves trip to southern Italy (we did one of those trips last summer, first vacation without kids in 23 years, and it was so much fun), but then I realized that with two kids in college, we just don’t have the money available to both not work for so long, so I cancelled it. The tuition bill is huge, so I guess we can just work more. It sounds like you have the right idea. Have a great time on your cruise, they are so much fun!</p>
<p>You can do inexpensive “staycation” things too. I started a non-profit about the time D started college & it’s kept me VERY busy ever since. We didn’t have much money with the kids’ huge tuition either, but that didn’t keep me from taking up yoga (only $10/class), re-connecting with folks I haven’t spent as much time as I’d like, finding personal & professional things I’ve never pursued before, getting more involved in the community, and other things I have found worthwhile.</p>
<p>When you think about it, we raised our kids to be strong and independent. Remember, if we love something and set it free, when it returns it was meant to be. We encouraged S to take the job 5000 miles away, even though he had two job offers in our city because it offered the most growth and interesting opportunity. That’s what we WANT him to do. Hopefully our kids will come home when they’re ready to start their families, or we’ll be doing A LOT of travel to visit them & our grandkids. That’s when I’ll really start being more concerned.</p>
<p>One way that I felt I really made a difference in a loved one’s life during a particularly sad time in my life was spending A LOT of time with her whenever I was feeling down (had just broken up with my BF that I had been dating all through grad school). My grandma had just lost grandpa & was also pretty blue. We helped each other through that time (though I never ONCE told her I was sad or mentioned anything about why I might be sad–spent my time & energy cheering her) and I know she really appreciated it because she gave me two handmade Hawaiian quilts as well as a set of china AND a set of flatware (though I had NEVER expected anything). </p>
<p>If you have no loved ones who are lonely, volunteer at your local meals on wheels or elementary school or any non-profit or other worthwhile cause that strikes your fancy. Non-profits REALLY need help these days and you can make some amazing new friends AND contribute to your community. If you don’t know where to start, call your local United Way for a list of orgs that may need volunteers.</p>
<p>busdriver, I have been an empty nester since 2003 when S moved to Spain upon graduating from college (he told us when he was 16 that this was his plan) and 10 days later D went off to bs for hs. I thought we were never going to get over it, but we did.</p>
<p>S is now married, running a branch of a company over there, and D just began a Ph.D. program only 2.5 hours away, 1,000 miles closer than UG.</p>
<p>We are glad their independence, but really, we found it hard for a long time.</p>
<p>We are expecting the first grandchild in November. Long distance granparents for ~ 2 years until we retire there.</p>
<p>Great ideas, HImom. I will think about those things when I catch on my massive list of chores! It reminds me that I have a dear friend who is moving here, after being gone for almost 3 decades, to help her parents. And family members who probably could use more help.</p>
<p>Maybe we stay sad until they move back, with Grandkids—lucky gloworm! And we are going to visit the youngest in a few weeks, and the oldest soon after, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and on and on. They’ll never be able to get rid of us.</p>
<p>Somehow for me, in ways the kids starting pre-school was harder for me than them “leaving the nest for college.” When they started pre-school, they had been with me mostly 24/7/365. Now, they’ve been “out in the world” and having their own lives even when living under our roof. </p>
<p>Actually, now when we get together, we are all more focused on our time together than when we used to be, with them distracted by electronics and others. I think we are all more mindful of how precious our time together is, especially when we have to make an effort to clear space for it in our calendars. It works for us mostly, and I definitely DO need to get back to yoga & have loved ones who could use extra help. Our non-profit also needs a lot of care & attention.</p>
<p>@busdriver11—I don’t think that I can measure my empty nest as a greater challenge than anyone else. When I read the comments here I see committed, loving parents who all did the very best for their children. Whether we choose to continue with a career outside of the home and practice the juggle or give it up and come into a different life as I have done, we choose to live our lives according to our highest aspirations and conscience. I chose to give up an excellent career because I discovered in our case that two demanding careers and babies didn’t mix. We embraced a lifestyle that is radically different from most people and there are no regrets. However. . .</p>
<p>At the moment I’m hanging on every word of wisdom on this thread. I don’t want to make too many big changes at once. I’ll remain active in my homeschool group for one more year, particularly in our “homeschool highschool” small group. I have known many of the families since I moved to the area and started homeschooling (19 years ago). One of the bonuses of homeschooling are the other homeschoolers —we’ve watched one another’s children grow up and have often participated in homeschooling learning or extra activities together. This year I’m going to volunteer for the highschool group and I will continue to attend different functions to support those families and children that have supported our family. </p>
<p>I’ll need to have a major house sale—I have over 1,000 volumes that I won’t want to keep, science equipment, etc, etc that others could use. I want to exercise, garden and get my house in order. </p>
<p>Truth be told, I have a lot I could do but lack the interest or energy to do much of anything. When our children go away, it’s a major loss, especially for those of us on this thread who have invested so much of ourselves in them. As Shakespeare said, at the moment I find the world, “weary, stale, flat and unprofitable”. But it’s only been a week so I have to be patient with myself. Except for summer and pre-college camps, I’ve been with my D every day of her life. I taught her to read and write—it will be a MAJOR change!</p>
<p>You sound so incredibly dedicated, bungalow. I wish I could have been that sort of parent, but I guess my kids survived anyways. It sounds like you have a perfect plan to help you cope, working with other kids and staying involved. Good luck to you!</p>
<p>We just survived the first weekend of being empty nesters. H was very apprehensive - he must have called all our friends trying to find someone to hang out with this weekend We did spend most of Sunday with our cousins. Went biking both days - checked the phone innumerable times for a message from either kid. Weekdays are busy - we are so used to being at work and staying a little later doesn’t seem like a huge thing! But the evenings are dull and the weekend was the worst. We decided we didn’t want to hang around the house this upcoming long weekend - we are going to go away for a short vacation. Also looking at classes we can enroll in (separately), groups that we can join. Eagerly waiting for parents’ weekend next month, but we need to get some other stuff going at home…</p>
<p>Spoke to several colleagues over the week. One older woman has two kids - one in college, but the other is a special needs kid that lives with her. She doesn’t see an empty nest in her immediate future. Another woman (younger than me) has kids in elementary school and was very envious of the fact that H and I were empty nesters, young(!), employed and financially secure enough to do whatever we wanted. Listening to them, there definitely is a good side to having an empty nest - I just have to get over this initial phase !!</p>
<p>I am enjoying the “empty nest” and hope that our kids are able to make their way rather than becoming “cellar dwelling” boomerang folks (especially as we don’t have a cellar or basement–only one level & not very spacious quarters at that).</p>
<p>I definitely feel for folks who end up having to care for special needs kids and medically fragile loved ones–it is challenging and consumes a lot of resources often with no end in sight.</p>
<p>Happily, just took mom back to the internist since her car accident & she has been cleared by him to resume driving. I believe she will be driving herself to exercise class tomorrow at the mall, since she had promised to meet her friends there again. She saw a lot of them today at exercise class & they were all so relieved she looked so great after her accident 3 weeks ago. She has been cleared to go back to golfing again in another 1-3 weeks, as soon as she feels up to it.</p>
<p>Guess my DH and I are official empty nesters now. Older kid is a couple years out of college and lives about four hours away by car where he is very engrossed in his career. Younger one just started college about 45 minutes away by car. I still feel very connected to both kids, though. We are going to go visit the older one this weekend, bring some stuff for his apartment, just spend a little time with him. He likes that every now and then. The younger one is into her orientation and registering for classes. We exchange text messages a bit. I know she is very happy so I’m good.</p>
<p>My DH and I are enjoying the quietude of the house and the prospect of being a couple again. We have a number of empty nester friends and are looking forward to getting together with them. Friends become more important, I suspect, during this new chapter of life.</p>
<p>I’m new to this group and like several of you dropped my only son off at college…1200 miles away, 2 weeks ago. Luckly I was able to take a week off work so I could spend it in Arizona making sure the transmission went okay. There were a few glitches as he did not have a roommate. The first couple days alone were pretty rocky. He didn’t go out of his room, eat or shower. We met for breakfast 1 day and I took him to get a few things he needed at the store. But it wasn’t until I suggested the boy in the next room might be lonely that he was able to do for someone else what he had not been able to do for himself. They hung out together the next couple days and eat meals together. When I popped in to see if he wanted to go get a shower curtain they were on the computer in his room. When he said “Yeah I really need to take a shower” I figured we were over the hump. I checked on the roommate situation but they weren’t sure if that boy was coming. He did show up on the final day of orientation and it seems to have gone well. I thought I’d cry the whole way home on the 2 and a half day drive. But surprisingly I did not. The next morning I picked the cats up from the vet and this past week was more difficult than I expected. But this weekend I feel like I’ve gotten past the worst of it. Today I even felt a little excitement about being alone in the house for the first time in years!</p>
We did spend most of Sunday with our cousins. Went biking both days - checked the phone innumerable times for a message from either kid. Weekdays are busy - we are so used to being at work and staying a little later doesn’t seem like a huge thing! But the evenings are dull and the weekend was the worst. We decided we didn’t want to hang around the house this upcoming long weekend - we are going to go away for a short vacation. Also looking at classes we can enroll in (separately), groups that we can join. Eagerly waiting for parents’ weekend next month, but we need to get some other stuff going at home…</p>