<p>@limabeans - We had a very similar experience with our son going off to college a couple of years ago. It just never got better for him and he began a downward spiral about mid-semester and basically dropped out unbeknownst to us. In hindsight he was depressed and was not at all ready emotionally nor had the maturity yet to head off to college. The whole experience left him with a horrible outlook on college, and it has taken him a couple of years to even consider giving it another try. The thought of ever going back to that situation was pretty terrifying to him for quite a while.</p>
<p>Now heās ready and excited about applying to a much smaller college in a great location!</p>
<p>I share all this because Iām typically a tough-it-out kind of person, but this experience taught me as well to be really dialed in how my kids are doing and not to take their unhappiness as a passing phase but to be sure that it isnāt something more than that. Thankfully for most kids it is temporary and they do move on and become happy; but for some like my S, no time passing was going to solve it.</p>
<p>I share all this not to be a downer just to be mindful that some kids just arenāt ready.</p>
<p>@labbydog Agree with getting and working with dogs! Thatās my plans as we adjust with what to do with an empty nest. Also I think we need to give ourselves a lot of grace during this time which is easier said than done. It hasnāt been easy but is getting better by the day.</p>
<p>I was sooo happy to spend a good chunck of my evening yesterday talking on the phone with my D. She was looking for advice and help. I hope I can help her, but it is going way over my head, since she is preparing to apply to residencies. I love spending time like this. Still did many things in couple of my hobbies: ordered another Shutterfly album and spent time with the Rosetta Stone, I love this game, becuase this is the only way I can earn the language at my age, I have no idea how it works, but it does just as they claim in ads on TV, and I have no memory whatsoever, lost the little that I had before, thanks goodness that my job does not require any!</p>
<p>I always find a lot of comfort on this thread though Iāve never posted. Enjoyed parents weekend with DD. Sheās adapting though she has had many ups and downs. The funny thing is that I completely fell apart after leaving her this time. First time, I was fine but this time I was a mess. It occurred to me in a way that was irrefutable that from now on it would always be like thisā¦always goodbyes at the end of visits. The length of time might changeā¦winter break, a weekend or a summer (or maybe even a stint living at home after graduation :)) but my home will never be her home again in quite the same way. Broke my heart. I mentioned this in passing to a friend and was admonished for not having accepted that change and moving on but I cant help but feel terribly sad. There is definitely no going back. Itās as it should be but stillā¦</p>
<p>The home patterns may not be the same, but the bonds can still be there. We canāt let go so easily- we try to be brave while we learn our way through it. Just as theyāre exploring life, this is new to us, too. Best wishes, lab317. Sending a hug. </p>
<p>Iām actually having a really hard time with this right now. My daughter is planning her wedding. Now not only will she only come home to visit, but it will never be one-on-one again. At the same time I really like her intended but I just have massive mixed feelings. I think when I leave after the wedding itās all going to hit hard then. This year sheāll be home for Thanksgiving for the first time in five years - but sheāll be gone for Christmas for the first time ever. And then I donāt think weāll see her again until July for the wedding and that will be a massive whirlwind and after thatā¦ who knows?</p>
<p>For anyone thatās worrying about a college student not coming back, all I can say is donāt count on that! I have three kids, two graduated from college several years ago. Both came back for 1 - 4 years. While all three are out now, Iām not re-doing their bedrooms just yet. When my husband and I were growing up 30 years ago, you went to college and you moved out. That is really not the case anymore. I know many, many parents whose kids have gone to college, moved out and come back then moved out again. Also, we still vacation with our adult kids, something I would never have thought attractive when I was my kids age. </p>
<p>Is anyone else not getting as much done as they hoped once the nest emptied? I planned to get both kidsā rooms cleaned, and to complete some other projects. Unfortunately, the day I dropped youngest off at college a very good friend (sort of like step-parent, and has done a lot for us) had a very serious surgery, and has been having trouble ever since. I have replaced kid activities with hospital and rehab facility visits, dr. Inquiries, and other similar activities. I guess in some sense this was good timing, if it had to happen. </p>
<p>I went through a major overhaul at work the next year and stayed each day until 9 for months- I was so glad it happened after they left. Yeah, after that calmed down I did get to the room cleaning and new projects just for me!</p>
<p>Since our daughter left for school in August, I have been somewhat productive, but not so much as I would have liked. I deliberately scheduled shoulder surgery in late August to distract me from her absence, but it has been harder to come back from than I thought it would be. We will see her at Thanksgiving, but August to November feels like a really long time. I think she is feeling it, too. Not looking forward to the stretch from January to April!</p>
<p>Life is busy and full! I am scheduling more time with friends. We have a standing 3rd Friday dinner date with a neighboring couple (also empty nesters. ) I joined a gym and am working on my fitness. I attend water aerobics, yoga , and am working with a personal trainer. We are also getting bids on ārefreshingā out kitchen and flooring. </p>
<p>@1214momā , Iām finding the same thing #987. In my case, itās not the off-to-college empty nest, but the post-graduation empty nest. Maybe in the back of my mind, I thought D would come back home after graduation, at least for a period of looking around and getting her career underway. Instead, she moved with her boyfriend to another city at the beginning of the summer. She has a wonderful SO, a good job, an apartment, and now a kitten. It could not be clearer that sheās begun her adult life 800 miles away, and will not be back. So now Iām really faced with that empty bedroom. </p>
<p>WH, I have so many comforters and blankets from when they were younger and during college. We had kept them for when their friends stayed and camped out here. But they overrun the linen closet. Oddly, I hate to let them go. Maybe donating to a shelter will be good. </p>
<p>My DH started sneaking stuff into Dās room as storage, and I put a quick stop to that. I know from experience that once that gets entrenched, the room becomes just another clutter magnet. I already have enough of those. :-)</p>