Hi -
My son is looking at colleges in the Northeast. Specifically, he intends to apply to Bates maybe, Bowdoin, Brandeis, Clark, Northeastern, UMass (safety), and WPI. For a host of other reasons, these may not end up being great fits for his interests - math, perhaps chem or another science. But I - the mom - mostly want my kid to be happy.
Can anyone speak to the social climate? I would like him to be at a place where he can easily find friends. He is quiet and not all that outgoing. He looks and acts like a typical teenager, with typical interests, so it’s not that hard to “fit”, but he tends to be drawn to nerdy and socially awkward types. I think a place where people are freely “waving their freak flags” and engaging in rather strange activities would be nice- kind of like the Big Bang Theory type thing.
My husband and I loved the feel of WPI - people were doing some pretty nerdy things on the lawn, dressed in strange attire and kind of sword fighting - and some of his friends have gone there and are very happy. But, he’s not interested in robotics or engineering, so it’s not a great fit academically. (They do have other majors, but we fear math/chem will be taught with an engineering slant.) Clark was good on social awkwardness, but they’re pretty hippy-looking and the academic interests isn’t a great fit.
Any thoughts the aforementioned schools’ being a comfortable fit for nerdy introverts?
I see plenty of others asking questions about colleges on behalf of their kids. Isn’t that why there’s a Parents Forum?
My son is having a hard time figuring out how to sort out these schools. You go for a tour, and you get presented with one facet. The stuff that matters - what it’s like to be there - is something you can’t tell from brochures or tours. My daughter used this website years ago when it was her turn, so I suddenly remembered this place this morning and thought I’d ask something as time is running out.
My nerdy extrovert who is not interested in social justice issues jettisoned Clark from her list. I’d say 50% because she felt Clark spent too much time worrying about how to save the world, and 50% the CS department wasn’t what she needed it to be.
Keep in mind, she likes people who want to save the world in this way, but the way she wants to save the world is through technology, not protesting or social organizing, so it wasn’t a good fit for her.
I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcome…but in your first post, you put comments about how much you liked a place…but he didn’t. What I meant was…his opinion is an important one.
You are doing the right thing by taking him to see schools. Sometimes that gut feeling a kid has is what you need to go with.
It sounds like he wants a variety of people on his circle. I’m wondering if the larger schools on his list might be better choices.
I think that social climate is an issue primarily at small schools, where there truly may be a unified culture, and you might feel left out if you don’t belong to it.
At larger schools, there may be a dominant culture, but there are also large numbers of people who aren’t part of it. The school may be sports-oriented, for example, but there will be people who never go to a varsity game and never play on club or intramural teams. And those people will fit in just fine.
You only need a dozen friends. At larger schools, you will find them, no matter who you are or what you’re like, if you make the effort to look for them.
If he would form an opinion, I’d be thrilled and not be here looking for advice. When we go on all these tours, they blend together and seem the same. It’s like they all went to the same PR firm and present themselves the same way. I’d love to get inside scoop about whether students there, or parents of students there, feel their kid is happy, whether people are snobby or welcoming, etc. My daughter is not very happy at her college - they all keep to themselves, though they’re not snobby. I’d like him to avoid a similar mistake.
As noted above…at larger schools there will be more people, more activities to join, more options. At smaller schools, there might not be as many choices, and there are not that many people!
What does your son want to do at college…beside getting his degree? Look for those things as well (maybe he doesn’t even want to join a political club). Does he want a nice fitness center, club sports, interscholastic sports, a school on campus job? What activities does he do now that he wants to continue? Any chance any of these schools have those opportunities?
There were a number of places that I liked and my kid didn’t that was part of the process of figuring out what my kid liked. Nothing wrong with saying the kid liked Vassar and hated Bard. My older son was interested in CS. He’s as apolitical as it gets, likes playing board and video games. He liked WPI, RPI, and Carnegie Mellon. Also after spending a weekend at the accepted students events at Harvard he realized he liked it much better than he expected to. There was a solid block of kids like him there after all. But he ended up at CMU where they were really thick on the ground. CMU is another one of those more professional feeling schools. Half the class has already figured out what they are going to be when they grow up.
If your kid is not a big joiner look for places on campus like dorm lounges on every floor with comfortable furniture that encourage kids to get out of their rooms. Lots of doubles and shared bathrooms instead of suites and private bathrooms also helps form more casual connections.
My DS16 sounds a lot like yours! He’s in his first semester at Skidmore – not on your list, but in the vicinity. There’s a definite “nice kids” vibe, the school is very nurturing, and DS is loving it already, which surprised me a little, since he’s so nerdy/introverted. We took the special Science tour when DD was looking at schools, and it was really helpful. Of course, there are lots of arty types there, too, but I think it adds to the groove!
I have no firsthand knowledge, but if you liked WPI then perhaps another technical-based school like RIT might be a good fit as well? What schools is your son gravitating towards during the visits?
Don’t rule out WPI. The son of a friend of mine is just like you describe your son. He is a senior majoring in chemistry. For the past two summers, he has worked in a lab at Harvard, so there are plenty of opportunities for WPI students who don’t want to study engineering.
I think Bates sounds like a good fit. Maybe take a look at Vassar as well? My D is at Skidmore but Bates and Vassar were tied for her first place choices, waitlisted at both unfortunately and offered a great finaid package at Skidmore. She is a Math/Chem double major, possibly changing to Math/CS this sophomore year. You didn’t say what your son’s stats were so its hard to be of significant help. My D is a bit quirky, not preppy at all…Skidmore seems to be relatively well-rounded with enough nerdy/quirky/artsy to offset the preppy/jockey/cliquey cultures. It took a minute but she has found her tribe.
She was admitted to UMA Honors and BioTap but felt that the school was still too large for her. Keep in mind that unless your son has very high stats (ACT 31+, SAT 2100+) I wouldn’t consider UMA a safety, a very good chance, but not a shoe-in, especially for the honors college.
@ReluctantYankee,not sure where you have visited yet. Welcome back to this site. I will comment on the school/locations that I am most familiar with. Apologies if this is info that you already know. I went to Northeastern and grew up in the city where Bates is…and I live in MA now. Bates, Bowdoin and Brandeis are going to feel very different from Northeastern and U Mass because of both size and location. Northeastern is a very urban campus (although it is much nicer than it used to be) and UMass is a large campus but not in a city. In a larger school it could be easier for your son to find “his people”. Bates and Bowdoin have very pretty campuses…although the surrounding town of Brunswick (Bowdoin) is nicer than Lewiston (where Bates is). Northeastern can feel very “profession” oriented with the Co-op program but it really is a great school and the students come out with very good “real world” skills and work experience. Brandeis has a large Jewish population (around 50% I think…but am not positive)…but I know many non-Jewish kids who are there and happy. It is in Waltham which is about a half hour outside of Boston.
I will add that when we went on tours with my S14 whenever possible he would choose the tour guide that seemed to be “his people”. Also…he really was able to make a decision after attending Accepted Student Days…that really felt different than when you were on the general admission tour. First of all he was able to look at a school and not think “can I get in here” but “I have been accepted and all of these other kids have as well”. This is who would be in my class. Good luck!
My son has a great friend who is at Bates. He Loves it. He is kind of awkwardly, nerdy, super smart, great musician majoring in Art History. He is sort of long hair, hippie type, that is very rich. There are many very rich students there. He said they are accepting of all socio-economic groups and they are NOT elitist at all but just know there are many rich kids. Does that make sense? If that matters at all. He said its very easy to make friends there. He didn’t have very many friends in HS but he has them there. He said many students smoke pot there. Many students smoke pot at every school, but Bates is a small school. Hard to get away from it. (Its prob hard to get away from it at any school these days). I am only describing one student that we know and pictures stories of his experience there so others could have a totally different vibe… but it is very small -less people than his HS. But he loves it! Id go visit when the student body is there if you are looking for a vibe.
From your description WPI really does seem like a good fit. We visited with my D, and I have two friends whose kids attend WPI. When we visited it did have a nerdy vibe, but the student body seemed very friendly and the atmosphere was definitely collaborative. The school was just a little too techy for my D. She is a bio major and wanted a little more of the liberal arts, but I was impressed with the academics, even for the non-engineering major.