Some late-night (or perhaps early morning?) musings.

Pre-College Topics High School Life
1

<p>It has been fifty-nine days since graduation. I can still smell the strange but exciting smell of my cap and gown as I put it on for the first time; still hear the satisfying clang of my various medallions against each other as I walk through my house. I can still see my friends that have become my rocks clinging to each other for dear life, crying as if we’ll never see each other again. And for most of us, that is probably true. My mind floats back to a talk one of my favorite teachers gave us a few days earlier:</p>

<p>“Eventually, you’ll have to get your wings, leave your baby feathers behind, and learn to fly. Some of you may fall for a few feet, some of you may crash. But I have faith that once you learn to fly, you will soar.”</p>

<p>Well, it’s been almost three months, but I haven’t seen or heard of anyone growing those wings quite yet. And definitely no one has soared away from our protective nests. Sure, some of us have enlisted in the military. Most of us are getting ready for college in the next few weeks. Some of us are going to the community college just up the street from where I live. Some of us are going to the local state university, just up the street from where I went to high school. I, however, am different. I am one of the few who can be found, in the middle of her summer, packing up all her belongings into boxes and cleaning out her boxes. I am being “brave” (though I sometimes wonder if that’s not what people call you when they just don’t want to call you stupid) and going away to college. </p>

<p>Yup. Going away. Sonoma State University, here I come. And yet as much as we want to jump into adulthood, I find that most of us are still clinging to childhood…and in very much unattractive ways.</p>

<p>Some of us are making choices no one ever thought we’d make. Some of us are falling back on the mistakes others have made, as if that makes it okay to make the same mistakes. Some of us are simply pointing and laughing at those mistakes. I find myself ashamed to have been one of this group at one point.</p>

<p>I wish things were different. I wish my friends actually told me the truth instead of just pretending like everything was okay. I wish they simply understood that I don’t expect them to be perfect; that I love them because of their flaws, not in spite of them. </p>

<p>I wish we could go back to that glorious time when boys had cooties and when just saying “I’m sorry” could fix any fight. When the worst punishment or consequence we could receive was a 10-minute time-out. When we shared joyously, and put 110% of ourselves into everything we did without fearing what others thought. </p>

<p>But most of all, I wish we would stop being vicious to each other. I wish we would stop lying to each other and stop refusing to break down when we really need to. I wish we could admit our mistakes and that we’ve made unwise choices. I wish that when I asked my friends, “Are you okay?” that they would respond honestly.</p>

<p>It’s been fifty-nine days. I can still feel my favorite friends, family and teachers holding me tight, telling me what a wonderful person I am, asking me to keep in touch and actually meaning it. I look forward and wonder: what will I think fifty-nine days from now? Will I be happy with the choices I have made? Will I have regrets? Will I wish for the same things I’m wishing for tonight?</p>

<p>I don’t know. Maybe that’s what scares me…because as “adults”, we’re supposed to know exactly what we’re doing, every second of every minute of every hour of every day. But really, how can anyone be expected to really know that?
See, I’ve always thought our society was flawed. For anywhere from 16 to 18 years, we’re held close and protected. And then, as soon as that diploma is in our hands, we’re tossed in the ocean and told to swim. Some of us drown. Some of us fight like crazy, trying to keep our heads above water to please those around us, but not really invested in doing it for ourselves. And some of us struggle for a while, and then we learn to swim. We swim with the current instead of fighting it…sometimes getting pushed under, but always managing to find our way back to the surface for that breath of cool, fresh, encouraging air.</p>

<p>I want to look back, in fifty-nine days, and say that I was part of the third group. I want to know that I did everything I could to swim…and that even if I do go under sometimes, that I always find my way back to the surface.</p>

2

<p>I wouldn’t say we’re tossed into the ocean to swim the second we get our high school diploma, at least most of us aren’t. The government and or our parents foot most the bill for college, and we still get long breaks off from school throughout the year. More like tossed into the backyard pool with water wings on. Freshman year really isn’t that scary unless you allow it to be.</p>

3

<p>

</p>

<p>Naaah-- adults don’t know that stuff!! We’re just older, and so it’s more subtle. But we’re just as nervous as kids, sometimes. The main difference is that we have the perspective of experience. We have made mistakes or good decisions, and have learned that the sun still rises the next day, and the sky doesn’t fall down. That’s the biggest thing. You learn by living your life. That’s why it’s important for you to fledge. You need to start having the experiences that will inform your life with the perspective that you will eventually have. That’s why, as parents, our tongues bleed from trying very hard not to tell you stuff that you have to learn on your own. Well, at least we try. You are very ready. Sure, you’re nervous. If you were not nervous, then you really wouldn’t be ready-- you’d be living in denial! This is the biggest transition you will ever make, and any transition is anxiety-provoking. Just push through it, and live each day as it comes. You will be fine!</p>