Some1 from my HS who hates me going to same college, will my *Loser* rep follow me too?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I don't know where to begin. I am That Guy at my HS. Haven't been able to shake my Loser reputation that's stuck with me since 5th grade, like the exact same group of kids I'm stuck with. HUGE HS but even when I meet new people someone "fills them in." Yes, I was very socially awkward, immature and naïve when younger, easily bullied, but I have never been a troublemaker, embarrassed anyone, etc. I do get along with everyone now as I got tall and my appearance isn't the issue. A few underclassmen even FBed me after seeing my pics, messaged me and were very excited to meet, then literally changed their minds as they asked mutual "friends" if they knew me and when they heard nobody wants to be seen with me, they faded. </p>

<p>Of course I can't wait to start over in college bc when I'm away from my HS I am actually able to make friends and meet girls when nobody's telling them I am a Loser. I didn't even look at the same area Us they all end up at, I looked far and wide, thought I found the perfect place, everyone's down to earth, it's small and religious affiliated (think: kindhearted).</p>

<p>So the Accepted Students FB shows one girl, never had a problem w her and were in several same activities when younger but when I finally got FB last year she and her "cool" friends ignored my Requests (she actually deleted it altogether, Ouch) even though she has like 2,000 FB friends and will add anybody. So she hates me, I get it, I steer clear, but does this mean I will have a repeat and in college she will tell everyone, "he went to my HS, such a loser! Had No Friends!" </p>

<p>Paranoid? I was all happy after a restaurant Meet N Greet and everyone making jokes on the FB page, and adding more people all around. Then I send a Request to this other girl because we had some mutual Friends in the group: very funny, friendly accepting people, not snobs. I thought she was similar, and she did some funny stuff at the restaurant and posted about it, but she deleted my Request altogether! Coincidentally she's FB friends with the one from my school. If you don't know how it feels when someone will add Practically Anybody EXCEPT you, you're lucky. And this second girl, how do I face her when I see her the next 4 years? We are all trying to get to know each other and have fun, why would she so decisively Delete the request of a soon to be classmate, and not just Ignore it? I am also Beyond Embarrassed. What do I do? The only thing that's kept me hanging on is the hope for starting fresh in college and an end to ostracism. </p>

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<p>College is very different from high school socially. If the kid from your school tries to dissuade people from being your friend then she will only embarrass herself. Don’t let her ruin anything for you. It seems this is really upsetting you so if I were you I would confront her. Stand up for yourself. If you let her treat you like **** then she will see you as weak and continue to do so.</p>

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<p>Thank you. What would you suggest I say? Especially since I have no proof she’s behind the other girl Deleting the request, but its too coincidental. It was just strange that the other girl, who seemed so outgoing and eager to get to know people including some new friends in common, would quickly Delete a request from a new classmate. (I would at least Hide it on FB so I wouldn’t have to see it, and so it wouldn’t make the person feel bad. Deleting a Request hits point blank.) Do people even care if they make someone feel bad?</p>

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<p>Don’t overthink it, brush it off. You must make a pact with yourself to not bother to avoid anyone. Just go about your business and make new friends. I wouldn’t confront anyone, just smile and carry on conversations with other people if you end up in a group. Look for some kind of book about developing some self confidence.</p>

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<p>Although I sympathize with your situation, I do think that you are being a touch too paranoid.</p>

<p>There could be a million reasons why the future classmate of yours deleted the request. Don’t assume the worst. You are always gonna meet people in life who don’t like you for no apparent reasons. Don’t let that get to you and don’t overthink it. Move on, live your life.</p>

<p>As for your HS rep following you. If she tries to do that then it makes her petty and immature. Remember that college is a “new beginning” for many people so you aren’t alone. The joke is on her.</p>

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<p>I’m confused about something. Facebook doesn’t notify you if a friend request is deleted? I pulled this from Facebook just now. </p>

<p>If I delete a friend request, will the person who sent it find out?</p>

<p>No. The friend request will be removed from your list of friends to confirm, and the person who sent it won’t be notified.</p>

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<p>If they don’t respond, you know they deleted it</p>

<p>Anyway, there will be thousands of people that this one mean girl will not see or know. You’ll be fine :)</p>

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<p>Hi Tiger + BoD, thanks for replying. Currently, FB shows anyone who’s not on your Friends List with a box saying “Add Friend.” If you click that to Send A Friend Request, it changes to “Friend Request Sent.” It will always say “Friend Request Sent” unless/until they click “Accept,” then it will say “Friends.” BUT, if you see their page later and it again says “Add Friend,” that means they didn’t simply ignore your request, they acted to DELETE it. Sort of like the difference between seeing Caller ID and not answering a ringing phone, vs picking it up to immediately hang up on a person. Sends the same message.</p>

<p>On the rare occasion I don’t Accept a Friend Request (no common friends + far away) I click “Not Now” to Ignore it so it doesn’t pop up every time I check in; I appear to that person as “Friend Request Sent” so they also won’t keep trying to add me. I also think it spares a person’s feelings, because being purposely deleted feels like being flipped off. And now I have to remember her name so I don’t forget and try to “add” her next time she posts asking people to “get in touch.”</p>

<p>EarlyAction95, Thank you for your reply too. I really appreciate all answers and comments, it really means a lot. Even if it’s to say I am worrying too hard or something (I hope I am), it really helps. </p>

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<p>FB “Request to this other girl because we had some mutual Friends in the group” – You may be viewed as being a bit ‘forward’ on this request. She may view you as some guy she vaguely knows but not enough as a friend. Get to know the people personally first before FB friend requests. Also, it is easier for a girl to friend another girl not knowing them as well, then it would be a guy who they really don’t know.</p>

<p>Just be yourself and make friends in person — then later do the FB thing. Yes, the HS girl will look immature and bratty to all but a few other people of the same ilk. Don’t worry about them, there are always people like that throughout life. </p>

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<p>It’s hard not to be paranoid when things like what you’ve described happen. I completely understand what you are saying and the truth is that most teens want to fit in and are also insecure. If they feel that being seen with someone who is considered “uncool” will make them seem uncool then they will distance themselves, ignore or worse. It’s painful and unfair but a fact of life.
I would suggest moving on from anyone who gives you that vibe. Devote your time and energy to the people who are kind and fun and friendly to you and ignore the others. I would also steer away from FB and instead try and focus on your own interests and building actual friendships.
Good luck and i have seen kids for whom high school was very tough socially really blossom in college :)</p>

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<p>College is a completely different environment. If that girl from your HS tries to tell anyone about you, she’ll be laughed at. In college, nobody wants to hear about high school. Are there living-learning communities at your new college? Join one. That should make things easier. :slight_smile: Plus, at first, everyone will be intimidated and awkward so you’ll be able to find friends quickly. :)</p>

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<p>Let your presence there be a constant reminder to them of what subpar humans they are, and don’t waste a second thinking about them. </p>

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<p>I’m old. Old enough to remember the McCarthy Hearings (look 'em up), when the contents of your address book and “friends list” could ruin your career or get you thrown in jail. No thanks.</p>

<p>I understand the attraction, though. Descartes’ “I think, therefore I am” is nice enough to validate your own existence, but having others validate it is even better. But a “virtual validation” is meaningless, as is “virtual flaming”. It’s cowardly.</p>

<p>I say knock it off with Facebook, or at least don’t take it as currency. Let the old people have it, so they can rekindle their high school cafeteria days. That’s all it’s good for. </p>

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<p>You should be fine. Like a previous poster said, if she tells people not to hang out with you because of your “loser” reputation, she’ll just make herself look like a crazy jerk. Remember to be a man and don’t take crap from people, and just be yourself. People in college are generally less snotty. The way you see yourself matters the most. I </p>

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<p>Stop letting the reputation define you! Move on, its the past AND you are no longer that person</p>

<p>College will be a fresh new start if you let this high school stress go. There’s gonna be so many people so most likely you Won’t see anyone from your high school often.</p>

<p>You gotta remember that these new college people don’t know your reputation so don’t act like they’re already thinking negative things about you.</p>

<p>Good luck & GOD BLESS</p>

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<p>Everyone, really, thank you for al the advise. I really appreciate all the pep talks and all the practical advise like its different for girls friending each other than some random guy. You can probably tell I am clueless with girls. Anyone else please add any comments, seriously it helps </p>

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<p>I agree with spaceman. I’m old. My oldest DS is a freshman in college. While he has a facebook account he really doesn’t use it much. I think us older people use it more to see what’s going on with old school friends. BTW everyone probably has had someone delete their friend request including me…and that person did know me in high school .lol. I would just forget about those 2 girls and move on.</p>

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<p>You can tell if someone deleted the request. You go back to the person’s page and if it says you can request…then they deleted the request. When the request is still pending…it says it is pending until it was cancelled.</p>

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<p>Things change in college…I have been told. I hope so!!! I am clueless with the guys. And I am not liked much at my highschool. So, hopefully, I can start over.</p>

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<p>I sometimes have the same problem to you, only that people don’t cancel my friend requests, they claim “to not go on” and I have to consistently remind them to accept me. Same ■■■■ with Instagram sometimes as well. Although, they do eventually accept me for the most part. But to be honest, I’ve had a lot of people block me on Facebook, some without ANY reason at all.</p>

<p>If I were you, I’d try to make friends with the new chick first, then see if the chick from your HS will have the guts to say sorry for treating you like crap. However, if someone dislikes you without ever having met you, then they’re not worth your time anyways.</p>