<p>Hi guys
So i wrote an essay and i showed it to this college consultant (it was like free trial or smthng! )
and he said that i need to put more deep thoughts and philosophical thinking because mine sounds like 17 years old.</p>
<p>So, should I take his suggestion and add some deep thoughts?</p>
<p>What do you guys think?</p>
<p>Can’t give you a fair answer without reading the essay.</p>
<p>Well: how old exactly are you? 17?</p>
<p>So…the essay sounds genuine to you. </p>
<p>This is a good thing!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This would be a bad thing, unless you are already a genuine philosopher.</p>
<p>Take a look at some excellent advice here:</p>
<p>[University</a> of Virginia Piece on College Essays | Fredrik deBoer](<a href=“http://fredrikdeboer.com/2012/07/25/university-of-virginia-piece-on-college-essays/]University”>http://fredrikdeboer.com/2012/07/25/university-of-virginia-piece-on-college-essays/)</p>
<p>Yeah I’m 17!
he said i need to be more mature 
Idk if i should leave it as it is or take his advice :/</p>
<p>A 17 year old should be writing essays that appear to be written like a 17 year old - that only makes sense. If you overthink, it will not be a true reflection of you. Despite what many people think, a large part of the purpose of the essay is to get a sense of who you are. If someone else writes your essay, or edits it beyond recognition, it won’t reflect who you are, and if you’re accepted, they will be expecting the person who wrote the essay to attend.</p>
<p>@Chillychilly, take it as a complement, that means the essay sounds more original, If you’d like I can review the essay and tell you my opinion.</p>
<p>I could see that some students might need to be more mature. But being more mature does not mean being “philosophical” or having deep thoughts. It is quite possible to have such thoughts and also be lacking in maturity.</p>
<p>he said that college admissions officers, especially most selective schools, are looking for kids with deep thoughts, meaning kids who think older than they are (or something like that…)
D:</p>
<p>You have to wonder how many essays are actually written by senior high school students and not parents or essay coaches. What’s the point of the essay, when mature adults with well developed prefrontal cortexes are editing and/or rewriting essays for 17 year olds. Gotta wonder where this is going and who is who? 17 year olds should sound like 17 year olds. I am not saying there could not be a student with superior maturity, extraordinary experiences and the wisdom to put those experiences into context which would impress admissions folks, but how high will the bar be raised because students are not really doing their own essays? Not sure how you can stop this common practice, but where will it end? I still have not read my D’s essay as I did not want to risk influencing it by my own biases and wanted it to be her own words. She has been accepted at many schools. Some day I will read her essay.</p>
<p>My daughter, 17, has the same problem. No, she writes good; she is the editor in chief for her school newspaper. She even got 36 in English on her ACT. But yes, one can tell her essay is written by a 17 year old. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. As long as the topic and content is not immature or offensive, most college admission officers doesn’t eliminate students for not writing like a professors. As a matter of fact, a little humor, a little innocence and a little craziness brings out your character. PM me if you want me to proofread your essay.</p>
<p>I don’t think you should worry about it. It might come off as “fake” if you force ideas. If you think your essay is a true reflection of your personality and beliefs then you should be fine. But then again, I also don’t know what your topic is(?).</p>
<p>While you must stay true to yourself, he may have a point if your essay makes you seem too immature for college. It’s hard to make an appropriate suggestion without seeing the essay…you can PM me if you want and I will look at it (:</p>
<p>I’ve had some admissions officers tell me that, while it is a good idea for the parents to proof read your essay, it must be written by me. They also told me that they can tell when an essay is written by a parent and when it is written by the student. So, I wouldn’t make it sound like it had “deep thoughts and philosophical thinking” but I would make sure that the topic, comments, and writing style weren’t immature or sounding like it was written by a 12 year old.</p>
<p>I just wonder how they differentiate students’ original essays and essays written by teachers/parents?
my essays are pretty mature, contain deep thoughts and analysis. may be it’s like that because I graduated from school 2 years ago. I also sent my reserach project on politics and international relations between Russia and US (24 pages) and the research is a very serious work. I did it 2 years ago at school. …but still, I’m nervous now. They can think my essays were not written by me?</p>
<p>I agree with marybee</p>
<p>Try to make it into something that you are passionate about. So that it will contain the deepness already in it.</p>