<p>So these essays were already submitted, the applications were also already submitted, they were for UCLA and the infamous University of Chicago one. I'm basically just interested, now that it is all done, if they are any good and based on the essays, how they sound and if they make it sound like my personality shines through and gives me a chance to sound good.</p>
<p>I'd love anyone who'd like to read over my essays, there are three in total. And just tell me what they think about them.</p>
<p>Ok dangg you’re Uchicago essay is really long. Like 2000+ words long o.0 I didn’t read it yet so I can’t talk about content but the length seems a bit killer. Are most Uchicago essays about this length? It looks like you put a lot of time and effort though. I’ll see if I can read them properly later.</p>
<p>For the Uchicago essay there was essentially no word limit, I decided to try this story out and try to flesh it out as much as I could while making it kinda to the point and still answer the question. I know it was probably a huge gamble to take, but I really hope it will come off as a good essay, I kinda just figured, this school has a different approach to essays, and this is really a story I want to tell anyways because I find it so unique, so I’ll just do it all. haha I really hope they all sound good though! I guess I’ll find out later if they did or not haha :)</p>
<p>typo’s on the Chi. one ‘it should been’ end 1st para
‘suburban trees an a defiant’ near end of 2nd para…that same sentence is a run on, x2 ‘and’
3rd para 4th sentence is way too long</p>
<p>kinda gave up after 4th para—it’s a cute idea and I like where it could’ve gone but seems way too long and really wordy in places w/out adding anything. Has it been submitted already? Could use a good edit before submission</p>
<p>I like the first UCLA one, how you linked it with rummaging through pictures. I would have maybe tied the pictures more to the rest of the story, but I thought you showed yourself well without being boring or flashy.</p>
<p>I thought the one about creativity had some awkward sentence structure, but again, you showed yourself well. And showed some accomplishments that probably weren’t on the rest of your application, so thats good.</p>
<p>ok. I just read your Waldo essay and while it is creative and engaging, it is way way way too long! I was actually tempted to stop reading and skip to the end to find out where Waldo was. You can most definitely cut this down. In addition, there are several grammatical issues and typos. You are inconsistent with your tenses. You need to chose one (past tense?) and stick to it throughout. Some of your word choices are off too. For example, you describe Waldo’s parents as “quaint,” people are not quaint. And, in the line: "I began to devise ways in which I could blend in and become completely uneventful. the word uneventful is not proper. A better word would be inconspicuous. I noticed some typos too.
Go back, print out a copy and read it out loud. Sit with a red pen and cross out anything that is not essential to the story. Then have someone else read it. Is there and English teacher you can ask?
Your story is interesting, but remember, these adcoms have to read hundreds of essays, you do not want to lose them because your essay is too long. Good luck</p>
<p>With my Waldo essay, my English teacher actually did proof-read it (just noticed I did miss one thing in the first paragraph, oh well) but the style was all intentional, that’s how I write most things I like to play a lot with different words that aren’t typically used in certain ways and try and paint things differently, I just like to really have fun playing around with the language and also intentionally try and add different ways of interpretation to the pieces. Plus, this is a man who is going mad trying to find Waldo and I tried to capture his madness, and his though processes. Also, the tenses are varied because he is narrating from the present, but he talks about the past a lot and in many ways you are also led to wonder when he was still sane and when he became mad.
And well it’s already been submitted for a while now haha, the deadline was the second, so it’s been awhile. I just thought I’d take a risk with UofChicago and write the story, I know it’s not entirely a traditional length or a normal structure, but I thought what the heck haha I’ll try something different, have some fun with an essay, and see how it pays off in the end.</p>
<p>But how are the UCLA ones? Those ones I’m a little bit more worried about if they sound good or not. I obsessed so much over that application hahaha</p>
I can’t pm you because I have below 15 posts, so bear with me that I’ll have to post them here, but thanks again! :)</p>
</p>