<p>"If your son was sick during the last 2 weeks of class, why didnt the professors give him an incomplete (which is usually the standard practice in this type of situation) then he would have had the opportunity to complete the work. I understand that the visiting professor may have had his hands tied, but the department chair could have approved the incomplete."</p>
<p>I'm also wondering why this didn't occur. If your sick, your sick. Nothing you can do except get a note from your doctor.</p>
<p>I would feel less sympathetic if it were not the first term. Even then, kids make the wrong choices. My son has 5 credits of "F" on his transcript because he was too stubborn to drop the course even though I told him to do so and he knew he was having some problems. He wanted to squeak by with a "D" which he missed by 2 points. Had he done so, he would not have had to retake the course which he despised as the school takes a number of "D" credits for non major courses. He lost out on his gamble. And the loss of that many credits put him behind schedule for graduation as he was slightly under one term already. But I will tell you tht the course was very much back loaded as many college courses tend to be, and sometimes it looks like you just might be able to pull it off until that heavily counted final. Which is what happened to S. And it is not really always that simple getting a read on the schools dismissal policies. Heck, I have trouble sometimes getting info on how the credits are counted at some schools. You don't go in with the mindset that you are going to fail. I did not know the policies at my own childrens' schools and they do run the gambit (I just checked, and it was not that easy to find). But, really, it does seem cold just to send a single letter during break telling a family to "get out of Dodge". This is a first term freshman with a family who lives many hours away. Anything this serious really warrents a personal conference and also, someone should have really looked at the situation and discussed it before coming up with the letter. I have been told that these letters are automatically generated--some schools even say they are when the gpa falls to a certain level, and that really is not right on the first round. And even if the school does not want to offer any other alternative than dismissal, any student, family who cares at all would want to discuss what happened and get some reasons so that the next step can be planned accordingly. I would expect something like this from an enormous university, but a school the size of Guilford is generally chosen for its personal touch. And I do suspect that there are some unmentioned issues in this case. My own kids do not tell me everything, and I have too often stepped into messes unprepared to sail into anything with indignition. I tread carefully until I have the info.</p>
<p>Another poster was bringing up the situation where kids are struggling with medical issues. Well, let me tell you, as a parent veteran of the pediatric oncology ward I can tell you stories of how families were told of unfortunate, terminal developments in a case, or even their child's death. Callous, callous, callous. I had some very heated discussions with the head of the department (who is now medical officer of St Jude's) about sensitivity. And the son of a gun had small kids of his own at the time. So to expect sensitivity from college officials is a pretty big stretch, however, they do need to be reminded when they do the wrong thing and in the OP's case, there is info that is needed for future decisions. No, they cannot respond publically other than to say that they cannot, due to privacy issues, but they certainly can talk to the student, set up an appointment for the student, write to the student, beyond a curt letter telling him he flunked out and to get his things. I probably would have sat in an office all day when I went up to get the belongings and returned with a local attorney in tow the next day if no one would give me a conference.</p>
<p>Carolyn, I don't think it is possible to suppose a college freshman hundreds of miles from home could entertain seriously the idea of moving out of the dorm so he can drop a class. Maybe your kids are extraordinary, but mine at 18 would have been incapable of pulling this off. Additionally, the student was told he could talk to the dean, but not to expect anytning to come of that--I see that all the time where I work: too often, the role of the administrator is to back up whatever the decision already is--the case has already been tried. Yes, of course he should have made use of the learning center, that's the lesson that could be learned here--but it may well have been. I also disagree that he must have left knowing what his grades were; that's just not the way it often works. Several of my students were clearly passsing classes till the final--others were told not to worry, when they were actually in a lot of trouble.</p>
<p>Of course, kids need to learn responsibility. But I've been in contact with enough different college administrations (and administrations in general) to know that decisions can be made and enforced just as mindlessly as students can act--except the administration is in charge, so they can call the shots. That may be true; it doesn't make it right.</p>
<p>Lbr6 -- I am impressed with the calm, rational approach that you've exhibited here. Unlike others, I don't get the sense you're naive about your son's share in this failure. You want more information, and you deserve more information from the school.</p>
<p>Like Jamimom, my sympathies are aroused by the fact that this was a first semester freshman who had to learn the hard way that college courses are evaluated in a different way than high school classes. The reality of that learning curve explains why there are colleges that make first semester or even first year pass/not pass. I've admitted to my kids that my own college performance was blessed by the fact that I spent my first year -- the one where I attempted Russian for my language requirement and only made it to an 8 am philosophy class that was a 20 minute walk uphill twice the whole quarter -- at a university that was pass/not pass. By the time I transferred. I was ready to tackle college (without ever having to take another language class and knowing better than to sign up for any course at 8 am) and was able to do so with a clean slate of P's. </p>
<p>The other issue for me is the college's lack of response. Like Calmom, we had the opposite experience at a UC campus, a place you would expect to be stiff and bureaucratic. The son of a relative of mine got kicked out and, representing the family, I actually met with the dean of students who spent a long time discussing what he was able to discuss within privacy provisions and who concluded the meeting saying: "I'd hate for some of the decisions I made at the age of 17 or 18 to have stuck with me my whole life." I just don't understand why a small, Quaker school, would be less responsive than a huge state public university. Do you think they're worried about a lawsuit?</p>
<p>I just went back and re-read the OP. They received a letter on Dec. 30 and had four days to move their S's stuff out. There has got to be a better way to handle this sort of thing!</p>
<p>I know that there is a strong desire to recieve more (or any!) information regarding your son's academic situation. But I do wonder, how much more a college dean can provide beyond the grades, record of any meetings or attempts to withdraw & other such "paperwork-type" proof? Even if provided, it really may not shine much more light onto why your son did so poorly in the classes.
More information MUST be given by your son about what he was doing in terms of going to class, studying, completing projects/papers on the academic end AND what else he was doing, like partying too much, socializing too much, sleeping in too much, cutting class too much. HE is the only one who will have answers to those kind of questions - particularly if he did not utilize any academic or personal counseling services at the college.
I only say that since the OP has sort of indicated that they haven't receive the complete run-down from the son. I'd focus on getting that run-down from him & also getting him to sign any waiver for the college to release whatever additional info. it might have held back for privacy reasons.</p>
<p>Kebree, I do very much appreciate your feelings that because your parents are financing your education that you do owe them an accounting of your performance. My son has the same attitude. My husband may have helped it along when he said "No grades - no money!" Unfortunately, with FERPA, an entire semester can elapse before a parent realizes the academic deans and advisors had their hands tied because the permission was revoked.</p>
<p>(1) OP- the best lesson that could ever be learned in college is that one can fall smack on one's face, get up, dust off, and go on to have a great life. It is okay to fail if you regroup and learn from it. I can tell you see this already, so I bet your son will be one of the many who flop-- then fly.</p>
<p>(2) FERPA: I am going to discuss with my D about waiving these rights prior to leaving for school. It is absurd that my hard earned money could go down the drain for months and months with no notification! I think we should all do this! Maybe the compromise is "don't ask don't tell" on anything but GPA.</p>
<p>(3) We need a thread and I am going to start it: What don't we know about The 40 Colleges that Change Lives?</p>
<p>I sense this thread may be wrapping up, and again, I want to thank you all for your concerned responses. You have given me and my son a lot of support, insight and encouragement to plow on despite an unfortunate setback. I'm philosophical and do believe my son will learn a good lesson from this, hopefully sooner rather than later! </p>
<p>As for me, this has been a timely and therapeutic discussion that has helped me both process the emotions and strategize about how to guide my son in future. I will be sure to post an update if we have any further exchange with the school... and also if S goes on to get a PhD one of these years! Best wishes, lbr</p>
<p>lbr6-- you sound like such a nice, intelligent, compassionate person. If we are to have any faith in nature and nurture combined, we have to believe your son will turn out great. Good luck.</p>
<p>Enjoyingthis and I are psychic twins ;) since we are both the mothers of twins, and I agree wholeheartedly with what she wrote above; I just can't say it that eloquently. Please know that we wish you the very best and do want to know how things turn out.</p>
<p>Ditto from me, though not mom of twins :) I am sure that with your support and encouragement, your son will learn from this experience and turn out great.</p>
<p>bluealien: I will definitely come back with an update when/if we have further conversation with the school. thanks so much to all for your concern and well wishes!</p>
<p>Ive read through this entire thread and the point that makes absolutely no sense to me (Lbr6, I dont disbelieve, Im just astonished) is anyone especially a student who was doing okay a few months back -- could get an F in a class called First Year Experience taught by a freshman advisor at a college that is known for nurturing its students. There must be more to this story! It seems to me that one would either have to try very hard to fail in course like this (i.e., blatantly refuse to cooperate) OR the instructor is really overreacting to a personality conflict. I hope the college responds to your entreaties so that we can all understand what the underlying issues were.</p>
<p>As far as sending you a letter advising your son to vacate the premises in four days, this is worse than the apocryphal services no longer needed telegram that comes under the door as youre getting dressed for work. Dont they have telephones at Guilford? Or e-mail? How callous, how heartless, how inhumane.</p>
<p>Lbr6, I have to agree that you describe this fiasco with amazing understatement. Maybe it would be helpful if you did get mad. The college, though within their rights, is clearly wrong in their handling of this situation.</p>
<p>lbr6 - I want to thank you for starting this thread and I'm really glad that you found it helpful to get the responses that you got. I feel it was VERY helpful to those of us about to send kids off to college and I have not only learned a lot, but many memories of my own experiences have been evoked and I will definitely have D read the entire thread when she returns from her college interview. I would like to echo all the positive things said about your great attitude and outlook and wish you the best.</p>
<p>Mmrath--see my letters about the different types of classes that fall under the heading of "freshman experience". Also, read lbr6's description of the class --hundreds of pages of reading a week, and a lot of writing. It would be quite possible for a freshman to fail this (I've seen it happen often where I work, too.)</p>
<p>I guess Lbr has not been here since the thread ended. I wonder if her son ever got into a community college and succeeded at a few courses there?</p>