<p>Well…our deal with our kids was clear. THEY earned (and spent) all of their spending money including money for books. We paid for tuition, room, board and all fees…and transportation home for holidays, and their cell phones. It seemed reasonable to us that they could pay for ALL discretionary spending…clothes (we sent them with clothes so they didn’t have to buy the necessities), entertainment, eating out, trips during breaks, gifts, etc. Both had part time jobs that more than adequately covered their bills, I guess. Since they were earning their spending money, we didn’t look at their spending.</p>
<p>Re: repayment for classes…we were clear that we were paying for the FOUR year plan only…NO summers, and no extra terms at the end. Our DD did take summer courses one year and did an online course. She paid for those from her savings. She worked full time during all the summers except the year she went to school during the summer so she had the money for this. We told our kids that if they had to RETAKE a course because of a poor grade the first time, and it exceeded the course limit and they had to pay extra, we would not pay.</p>
<p>At this point…it’s the holiday break. Perhaps your son’s holiday gifts should be his spending money forthe first month back at school. After that, he could get a job and fritter away (or save) his own money…and live within whatever means he has for discretionary spending.</p>
<p>He’ll learn to manage the money better if it’s HIS money than if it’s yours and there is a continuous supply of it.</p>
<p>First sit down and talk to the kid, and make sure if it wasn’t already clear, that you are paying four 8 semesters. With AP credits, or taking an extra course at some later point being a course short may not be a problem.</p>
<p>Regarding the money, I would ask what thoughts he has. I like the idea of making some cash as a holiday present. I’d also think about finding some job around the house for which you’d be willing to pay him for. I’d make sure he has books and the eating plan and let him figure out how to earn the rest. If he can’t find a job, perhaps you can come to some sort of arrangement to loan him some money for the second semester. Or perhaps he just doesn’t get to party.</p>
<p>Another thing–it’s much easier for girls to get by with little cash than guys. At least attractive girls. Lots of free drinks, free meals out and free tickets to events. Of course you have to put up with people you might not really like to spend much time with.</p>
<p>A lot of students have trouble adjusting to college life. Your son’s adjustment issues don’t seem to bad overall. I’m sure that there will be new threads in the next two to three weeks on bigger issues.</p>
<p>This could be a WHOLE other thread. I’m quite sure my daughter outspent her brother. Guys don’t tend to go shopping. Girls do. Guys don’s seem to need the “hair products”, cosmetics, and other things that the girls do. Let’s not even talk about “room decor” for girls. And in this day and age, my daughter often paid her own way when she was asked out.</p>
<p>My freshman S did this with his money also, though kept his full complement of classes. I didn’t do anything to help except put $25 a month in his university account to pay for laundry. He was on the full meal plan, so I knew he’d be fed and clean.</p>
<p>He ended up coming home a few weekends to work, and will be working through winter break. He will probably come home some weekends through the spring term to work also.</p>
<p>He’s always been terrible with money, and this has definitely been a lesson for him. I plan on talking with him over break about budgeting and not spending mindlessly on ‘wants’</p>
<p>Ran out of money my sophomore year and spent a week as a starving college student. Remember taking two tests after eating nothing but rice and beans for a week. Maybe one meal a day. My brain shut down and did poorly on the tests. Nothing catastrophic, but it definitely affected my grades that semester. Was too proud to call my parents and ask for money. Learned I would do anything not to go hungry again.</p>
<p>DS is trying to scrimp on his required text books. I’m amazed at the options available today with respect to online texts, borrowing etc.</p>
<p>In spite of all the financial restrictions placed upon him, he knows that he can always come to us for food and textbooks.</p>
<p>* Admits he was livin large - new clothes, eating out with friends all the time, new toys, a little partying (yes he admits to that and regrets it he says). He’s not our first to go off to college, but so far the first to have trouble with money period… He knows it’s his problem to fix,** but seems to think this is how everyone lives in college and seems to be trying to keep up with the “jones**”.*</p>
<p>This problem isn’t likely going to get fixed until this way of thinking gets changed. As long as someone thinks that “this” is how everyone lives and spends, he’ll either keep on spending or think he’s some pitiful victim for not having the money “like everyone else.”</p>
<p>Until he realizes that he happens to be hanging out with an affluent group and EVERYONE at school does not live that way, he won’t change.</p>
<p>Kids have a tendency to look at their close social circle and conclude that that’s how everybody lives/spends.</p>
<p>I would hazard a guess that OP’s S is not the only one who’s getting a Financial Reality Check over the winter break, and that more of his friends will be trying to spend less next semester, too!</p>
<p>CountingDown - I’m curious - what was the “valuable lesson this fall about ordering from off-brand online dealers.”
I’m not even sure what an “off-brand online dealer” even IS. :-)</p>
<p>S2 ordered a textbook from a vendor on Amazon because it was $20 cheaper than ordering directly from Amazon. He didn’t read the fine print and realize that the vendor was shipping from Canada and it would take MUCH longer for the book to arrive. Actually, it never did get there, and by the beginning of October, S had to go to the campus bookstore and pay full price because the midterm was coming up. </p>
<p>Suggested he take it up with his bank and the vendor, and offered to guide him through the process, but he said he’d take care of it. I don’t know if he ever did. It’s his money!</p>
<p>Aw, that’s too bad. I’ve had never had any trouble with purchases from Ebay, Amazon Marketplace sellers, multiple different sellers on the various bookselling sites, etc.
You do have to be careful to read the fine print. Many of the listings are from Asia, and those would probably take <em>forever</em> to get here. Does Amazon Marketplace have some sort of conflict resolution process (or a rating/feedback process) the way Ebay does?</p>
<p>Even in spite of the potential pitfalls, I still think it’s a good idea to avoid the campus bookstore if you’re trying to be frugal… We’ve saved a TON of money buying online.</p>
<p>I’m curious to know: for you parents who insist that you will only pay for 8 semesters and no more, what will you do if your son or daughter needs a 9th semester for whatever reason (let’s say s/he’s not an engineering major or nursing major - just a regular English or math major, but withdrew from classes or maybe failed a few, but has an overall good record - a 3.4 or so) and cannot afford it? Personally, IMO if they have to drop out when they only have 9 credits left to get or whatever, it’d be a waste of my time and money. I’d much rather pay for the remaining semester than let them drop out when they only had one semester left to go. I mean I can understand not wanting them to barely stay above a 3.0 through 6 or 7 years, but taking an extra semester or two to finish is not unheard of, and the national average for completing an undergraduate program is closer to 5 years than it is to 4.</p>
<p>I did finish in 4 years, and I could have finished in 3.5 if I hadn’t studied abroad. I was also on a full scholarship, so my parents weren’t contributing to my education financially. I’m just curious.</p>
<p>^I am on my last semester and it looks like I may end up three credits short to graduate, because of issues with transferring-- and I had no choice but to transfer, my parents gave me no options but to go to community college, so it’s not like I picked a school and was fickle and switched, this is just how things worked out-- and if I am short, I have to drop out. As a result I have been taking a much higher course load than I am capable of being successful in because it is the only way to finish. I just think this is really a shame, I wish my parents were more flexible. The money is not coming out of their pockets, they’re just cosigning, but I understand and respect that they treat it the same way. It’s just unfortunate, I could get a lot more out of my education if I could take just one more semester and split up some of these tough courses. But if I don’t overload, I won’t graduate on time and will have all these loans to pay with no degree. So there’s not much choice now.</p>
<p>Juillet,
We both finished in 4 years, (engineering! and nursing!), but did not impose that requirement on our kids. We told them we’d pay but: they needed to take the unsub Stafford loans in their name, they had to make continual progress towards a degree as full time students, if they stopped (for any but health reasons) before completion then they had to pay us back our investment to that point.
One was in a dual degree program and finished in 4.5, the others: on time.</p>
<p>Our daughter needed an online class to graduate. She paid for it herself. She decided to pick up a double major, which was fine…but to get that she needed some extra courses. She was able to fit them all in except one course. She paid for it herself. Having a double major was nice, but not a necessity. And she knew all along that anything outside of the regular 4 years was on her dime. She also took courses one summer (again to make room for courses during the year for the double major)…and again she paid.</p>
<p>We are not a bottomless pit of money. And we were already paying for her to attend an expensive private college (which I’m not complaining about…but we were almost full pays there). She knew that we were prepared to pay ONLY for her four years…and nothing else…including her discretionary spending money. She had a job.</p>
<p>This summer he can work 3 jobs. He’s young and healthy. My sons have done it. They worked for close to minimum wage at kids’ camps, but gave private swim lessons and worked bussing tables at a restaurant as well. They did it to buy cars, not a wise investment in their situation, but they wanted them and since DH and I weren’t paying for it, this was the only way to do it.</p>
<p>I would not have forced them into putting in all of those hours but they survived just fine with a lot of money in their account at the end of the summer. S3 is also working during the school year to support that car. Hurts a bit cuz they would not have put forth that kind of salt pounding to save us the money we are paying for their school, but this is a good indication of what these kids are capable of doing if they so desire. And this was during the time when jobs and money were really scarce here.</p>
<p>In your son’s case, he owes the money and needs extra money. I think some sweat equity from him is in order. This was really the only way 2 out of 3 of my kids have figured out money and what things really cost relative to work. My second kid still doesn’t get it.</p>
<p>Better he learn the lesson in school. My two oldest were ok in terms of spending money in college. They stayed well within the budge we had set up and though not bare bones, it was a bit tight requiring them to come up with cost saving measures. And they did. </p>
<p>After college is when things went down hill. Neither of them could cope with the open endedness of spending possibilities that were in their faces outside of school. They over drew bank accounts ran up bills, got into some issues that needed more money, went to out of network doctors that racked up huge charges, had some car issues and other things that cost a lot. It was painful for all of us and a big slap in my face as to how terrible I was in teaching them basic money managing. </p>
<p>As for setting ground rules up front, though I try to do so, my kids have the dangest way of finding situations not even considered. Maybe it’s not fair, but the way life works is sometimes though there are no ground rules covering a situation, we come up with a way as it comes and the kids have to suck it down even though they didn’t know ahead of time. They are adults and that is the way life works.</p>
<p>juillet, we told our son college was 4 years, but if he needed more for a good reason we would pay for it. He has enough AP credit to graduate early, but we want him to stay the whole time and take courses he would enjoy and benefit from. We will also pay for summer study here or abroad. We think it is part of college.</p>
<p>We gave our son 4 years of spending and book money up front. I know this kid, a large sum has motivated him to be responsible. He has invested some of it, mostly conservatively and worked and saved quite a bit last summer and added his graduation money after buying a laptop. He had worked as a nanny last summer and has been babysitting since he got home to earn book money for next summer so he doesn’t have to tap into his capital. His goal is to graduate with more money then he started with. It works for him.</p>
<p>Your son made a mistake – a costly one, but a mistake. As parents, we need to teach kids about a budget and how to use money correctly. Consider putting him on an allowance. But sit down and talk about what is reasonable, too. I know some parents who never give their kids a dime. I know others who deposit xxxx of dollars into their student’s account on the first of the month. They tell them that they need to figure out what they need. If they blow it the first weekend, oh well.</p>