It is not uncommon for kids to fall apart at times, in senior year. I know two families who actually pulled kids (previously stellar students) in senior year and bot, after some adjustments and experiences outside of school (one a gap year in the wilderness), are now at college and doing fine.
From what you describe, your son’s “hopelessness” is fairly serious. Is he willing to make changes? I would sit down with him and tell him that you support absolutely anything he decides that can make his life easier at this difficult time of transition and pressure.
I agree NHS is meaningless, relatively, and ultimate Frisbee can be played just for fun, doesn’t have to be an organized club. So he can drop them. Once the play is over, things may settle down a bit. Leading in a play during fall of senior year is kind of a recipe for disaster, but clearly he wants to do it, and it can be rewarding too.
If he can drop the physics , great, or at least drop a level. Does he like psychology or is the reading onerous? What does he need to actually graduate?
Believe it or not, colleges can be understanding. The world is a lot more forgiving than kids tend to think. Your son will be fine. But right now I think things could become a crisis without some kind of aggressive intervention.
Also one who has been there…
ps if there is any change in the way he is functioning, consider depression and/or anxiety…don’t know if he will talk about it but …
My son found Kahn academy incredibly helpful with AP physics. He really struggled at first and had to work really hard but turned it around and did well in the class (though not so much onthe AP test). He is not a naturally gifted student and has to work hard for decent grades in rigorous classes.
I am not sure when your school year starts but for us, starting after Labor Day, the AP curriculum is compressed compared to some and that means things move fast. He has had some struggles so far with AP Calc and AP Environmental science due to the pace but it is starting to level out. It’s a lot to balance and I find myself restricting him here and there as I can see he’s spread toon thin and overwhelmed even if he can’t see it and argues about it.
Drama is a huge time commitment and the fall play senior year especially brutal with juggling it all. If he can drop down without penalty and is willing to do so, great, if not see what can be dropped or scaled back. They can only do so much and as parents sometimes we have to override and force limits.
Also know that the college application process creates its own stress outside of school and it’s not just the work involved in the apps. The fear of acception, rejection, leaving, not leaving, it’s a lot and drama/stress is normal but anything that feels much more so than normal for your kid…,should be addressed.
Thank you everyone who has offered some excellent advice, encouragement and counsel. He seems to have picked himself up a bit since I posted. He has found a friend who is able to help him through both Physics and Calc. One of the issues is that the teachers encourage groups working together and helping each other with the material. DS has reached out to classmates for assistance, but often times they do not get back to him in timely enough fashion to make a difference. We are meeting with his Physics teacher this afternoon to discuss how we help him balance the work. Also, meeting with Guidance on Monday. The school’s class change policy is a bit ridiculous. Students are only allowed to change their schedule up to one week before the start of the Fall semester. Seems a bit strange as the students have not even experienced the class yet?
My senior daughter is in a similar situation with a heavy course load. We’ve had 2 teacher meetings so far, which is probably more than we’ve had her entire high school career. One thing to note about dropping a class now - one of her teachers warned that doing so now will show on the transcript and may hurt chances for admission at some colleges. I would make sure you verify that with his counselor before going that route. I know extra-curricular activities are important / fun, but I’d look to cut back there for a few months, and spend that time with a tutor.
No doubt about it. Senior year is pretty rigorous for top students juggling multiple priorities. Is it possible, he’s doing well, but just panicking. See if he can take one of those APs Pass/Fail. At my daughter’s school, they allow you to take one P/F. She was freaking out too, thinking she was failing AP Calc, so asked to go P/F until the mid-term. At the mid-term, she was told she was getting an A, and converted to a letter grade. Sometimes, the anxiety is just over-whelming and panic sets in. If he has a track record as a good student, stay the course. It will likely be all right.
I agree with others. Whatever else you do, lighten up the load if it’s reasonably possible. Don’t drop a core course, but do consider dropping Psych. Your son doesn’t need perfect grades – really! But he doesn’t want any C’s or worse.
@teamgris, I haven’t read the rest of this thread yet, but your op made me want to reach out and give you a hug. You are not alone. Probably a lot of us here are having similar experiences.
My son isn’t quite as accomplished as yours (kudos to yours!) but his test scores are high enough that he has some scholarship/merit aid opportunities. He is involved with 3 EC that are firing on all cylinders right now, and boy are we sweating him getting all the homework and studying done AND getting all those pesky application essays written. Last night, after he got home from practice and then a club meeting at 8pm, he was up until 1 am trying to study for two quizzes today and finish a scholarship application that wanted THREE 500 word essays!
I know we’ll survive this. I keep telling my son it will all be over by January, and we’ll laugh about it all in the spring. But right now, I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about whether he is balancing all of his priorities properly, and hoping we haven’t forgotten some important deadline.
I don’t have a lot of sage advice. This is our first time through this process (our younger son will get the benefit of all our stumbling around and making mistakes now). But, we do try to make sure our oldest gets a little time to decompress every week and do something completely unrelated to school, usually Friday nights and then sleep in on Saturday. But, once he’s up and had breakfast, it’s nose back on the grindstone until we get through the EA period and hopefully get an offer letter we’re all happy with. My worst fear is that EA doesn’t come through with something we can afford and he likes, and we’ll be back at it again with RD applications to other schools.
I think you’ve gotten some good advice. One additional thought – does he need to do all of the reading for AP Psych? Some courses/teachers assign a lot of reading, but it’s possible to skim or skip some of it and still get by. I haven’t taken AP Psych, nor has my DS, so I can’t speak to that course specifically, but I would think that it might be helpful to speak with someone who has taken the class already and find out whether there are any short-cuts possible.