<p>Yeah, I have a daughter who is barely scraping by grade-wise yet wants to take AP US History (she's NOT strong in history to begin with). I give her credit that she wants to challenge herself, but it's not a great idea. She IS capable of the work, but because she has health issues & misses LOTS of school, the sheer volume of work would be inadvisable.</p>
<p>Oldmama,
My daughter has been very much like yours - at the low end of the high end classes at her school. Her ego definitely took some pot shots as a result. When she started looking at colleges, I tried to steer her towards schools where she'd have a shot of being more towards the middle, or even a bit towards the top - still challenging, but also offer a chance for her to shine.</p>
<p>That's the strategy my sister used with her middle daughter. She only applied to two colleges she was SURE to get in to, which she did. She was all set to go to in-state U & then decided to go away to out-of-state U, where she's thriving & hailed as a math genious (though that was one of her weakest subjects in competitive private HS). Family finds it very ironic & is glad she's found such nice friends. She loves the anonimity of the large U & is happy to be shining at last!</p>
<p>HImom, From your mouth to God's ears. That is exactly how I hope things will work out for my daughter. She is so burnt out after four years of trying to keep up with the academic superstars. I would love to see her be the star for a while without killing herself in the process. But, shhhh---saying that is probably grounds for being burned at the stake in the eyes of most parents here on CC. :)</p>
<p>Carolyn, no, it's grounds for sainthood here on cc except you already were granted that about a year ago....</p>
<p>I have this lurk addiction and don't have another child. The son is a soph in college. But I just had to add-son's HS was one of those "no psat till it counts". The school did offer a "free" SAT prep course which son took as a soph. He took the SAT more as a prep for the PSAT. I did get him to sit down and take most of the "practice" PSAT from the booklet prior to the PSAT in his Jr. yr. I think because son was "calm" and had already taken the SAT, he did well on the PSAT. He did qualify for natl hispanic which I think did give him more confidence. I think his school doesn't want to bother with PSAT anymore than they have to. The school has had only 1 national merit in its 9 yrs, I have not read of any more since he left. They had never heard of Natl Hispanic scholar. I don't think the prep course he took was geared for the high scoring students. Son learned a few tricks and was scared to death to quess-quess being you did not know absolutely. He scored 200 pts higher once he realized that you need to answer more questions to get a higher score. I know that if son had done the xiggi method he would have scored very high---but it really did not matter. Son is happy where he is and he is where he belongs.</p>
<p>I find it comforting that "my classmates" are of such a high-caliber and not of the high pressure variety. I have just started this college-bound phase with our oldest. Up until now, he hasn't even really spoken about GPA, rank, APs, course selection, etc. Neither have his friends nor my friends. But now, as the second semester is beginning, you can almost feel the push beginning. I sometimes feel that I am being sucked in, too. It is hard, because as a parent, I feel that I need to be knowledgeable to help him make good judgements regarding school, yet I don't want to get too absorbed in what seems to have become a very high powered process. </p>
<p>How did all of you keep your child from being overly influenced by the pressurized school environment? In other words, how did you keep the process fun and an enjoyable one? What/who is causing all of this pressure do you think? The universities? The high schools? The parents? On a lighter note, I personally blame the bumper sticker makers.....you know as in ..."________<strong><em>College/University" which is a more prestigious school than "</em></strong>____College/University" :) Thanks for letting me rant everyone! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!</p>
<p>In my case, the laid back attitude comes from my D. She watched her older sister stress about everything. She accompanied her older sis on college visits. She is the one who decided that she is NOT going to get sucked into the pressure cooker that her sister placed herself in. Different kids - different personalities. I think a lot can be attributed to life experiences. HImom - my D too deals with health issues from her early childhood that are under control now, but require constant follow up. I think that in itself puts a lot of this stuff in perspective for her. I say - follow your child's lead. It is their ultimate decision. And I never pushed one school over another for my older D. Every school has positives and negatives.</p>
<p>well my older D took a gap year- that helped a lot-
she had friends that had applied ED( and were accepted) to Ivies, but she is first generation college, and perhaps it is because we were clueless or fairly clueless that we didn't put much pressure on her.
If she hadn't had a good plan for her gap year I would have been concerned, but it gave her a chance for a break from academics, and I am grateful that she didn't have the pressure that some others might have had.
While she did apply to schools ( and was accepted to all) senior year, I did feel that some better fits would come to the forefront if she took a gap year.- She eventually only applied to one additional school, but she was really excited about it.
I think that is what we are hoping for, that they find at least one or two schools that they are really excited about. ( and that are academic and financial fits)</p>
<p>Her sister is a different student in a very different school environment.
I am putting no pressure on her at this point ( well very little- I did suggest that she might want to look at schools in Portland)
I expect she will take at least one gap year as well, so I am not in any hurry to get her out the door and across the globe ;)</p>
<p>We had our College Counseling information session tonight at my S's school. The parents and the kids were in separate rooms. I have to say it was much more thorough than the one I went to at the same school just two years ago for my D. </p>
<p>They started out with an overview of the college search and admissions process. The counselor introduced herself as previously being in admissions at USC for 15 years. Everyone had an individualized packet of the recommended testing schedule of PSAT, SAT and SATII's depending on what classes you were taking at that point and info about registering on the Collegeboard site and taking the aptitude test. </p>
<p>There was also a handout about planning college visits. A how to and protocol.</p>
<p>There was a presentation about applications and admissions by a representative of the Claremont Colleges admissions staff and a PowerPoint presentation about the SAT and college admissions by the founder of CompassPrep, a test prep firm. #1 they said to relax and not to rush out and buy a bunch of college how to books because the kids could turn off and tune out. He basically outlines the Xiggi method. Doing it either on your own, with a tutor or in their class which is ten weeks long (once a week). </p>
<p>We were given a homework assignment of two formal (no drive-throughs) college visits before the end of Summer 06. They gave us forms that had to be turned in about these visits. The form we have to turn in has these questions:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Why did you choose to visit this particular college?</p></li>
<li><p>During your visit, what three aspects of this college did you find appealing? Why?</p></li>
<li><p>What three aspects did you not care for and why?</p></li>
<li><p>Based on your current grades and PSAT scores, are you possibly a qualified candidate for admission? Why or why not?</p></li>
<li><p>Do you know any students who attend this college? If so, what do they think of it? If you do not know anyone, did your tour guide apprear enthusiastic about the place?</p></li>
<li><p>Can you see yourself at this college? Why or Why not?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>It was also stressed that there was a college suitable for every child in the class and "fit" should be the number one priority. They also said that the college search is your child's and not yours. </p>
<p>Our homework sheet also has a checklist:</p>
<p>-Review 2005 PSAT results with S/D
-Visit two colleges and complete visit report forms
-Talk with your S/D about activities and involvement
-When planning page for 11th grade classes arrives in the spring, sit down to discuss with S/D</p>
<p>There was a Q and A session afterwards. </p>
<p>Junior year there is a tour of 18 colleges (all the NE and we are in CA) in one week during Spring break. </p>
<p>My husband and I left thinking what a lot of pressure these kids have and met up with S. He was joking and poking fun at some of the aspects of the night in a positive way. The mood was also lightened as today was pajama day at school and quite a few kids were still wearing robes and slippers :) Our contribution to this is that we told S he could pick whatever two schools he really wants to see and we will plan a vacations around it. Looks like we're going to Boston in the near future as he wants to visit Boston College. I've never been to Boston so that will be fun.</p>
<p>Oh, I've hid my Princeton Review book :P</p>
<p>My brother went to BCollege law school. He had a hard time adjusting from HI--might be quite a change from CA too. Boston is an interesting place to visit--we went there on our honeymoon. There is SO MUCH to see on the East Coast! They don't meet sophomore parents at our HS, except once/year when they help plan the schedule for next fall. No college info. The kids do research one or two colleges for guidance in 9th grade.
My sophomore daughter's friends are already talking about which schools they're interested in--of course VERY selective ones (but their grades & test scores are pretty high).
Loved Martha's Vineyard, which was a ferry ride away. We rode rented bikes around it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
How did all of you keep your child from being overly influenced by the pressurized school environment? In other words, how did you keep the process fun and an enjoyable one? What/who is causing all of this pressure do you think? The universities? The high schools? The parents?
[/quote]
Excellent questions, Kandksmom - I'll be interested to hear what other parents have to say. I hope my own kids haven't felt unduly pressured - but some pressure has surely resulted from the fact that we always assumed they'd go to college and so strongly encouraged them to make school a priority early on. As parents, WE certainly felt some pressure knowing that the cost of three college educations loomed and (here's where the peasant mentality kicks in) that those educations had better be worth the money involved. But, also because of our shared peasant mentality, dh and I never truly understood the value of big name schools over other excellent schools, so it was never "Ivy League or bust" for our kids.</p>
<p>If one of my kids had come to me at age 16 or 17 and said, "College isn't for me and here's why," I'd like to THINK I'd have listened, but I don't know. So we parents have been responsible for some pressure, surely.</p>
<p>My kids attend a very good public hs where many of their peers are headed to top schools, which also creates pressure. Of about 375 kids in last year's class, 11 enrolled in top 10 USNews unis or LACs, another 23 in top 20 schools, and scads more in top 50 schools. More than 95 percent go on to some kind of postsecondary education, and kids in the honors/AP class track have very ambitious application lists. On the plus side, this means that our counseling center knows how to help kids with apps to top schools, and that's an advantage that often gets overlooked.</p>
<p>The enjoyable part has to be doing college visits one-on-one with Mom (no sibs and no Dad, who is a grumpy traveler). Not so much the driving, but everyone likes hotels and restaurants!</p>
<p>College admissions pressure -- good question. I think my son, who is adamantly anti-competitive, kept everything in perspective. I felt I had to impress upon him the craziness of the selection process so that he wouldn't have unreasonable expectations (like, "I'll get admitted anywhere I want to go."). I did this because I believe in reality-checks, not to change his behavior, except to make sure he had safeties on his list. Some of friends have been stressed and others have not. I think part of the reaction does come from the kid's personality. Some of the pressure comes from the school community. We have friends at certain schools here where the stress is enormous -coming from parents and kids, mainly. One thing we tried to do is to emphasize the fit of the school, not prestige, as the most important factor. </p>
<p>I'm seeing my d being more worried because she isn't the top student and test-taker that my son is. She's afraid she'll have to go to a school that is "embarrassing." She is over-reacting, but I think the "fit" factor emphasis is going to have to pushed more with her.</p>
<p>"She is so burnt out after four years of trying to keep up with the academic superstars. I would love to see her be the star for a while without killing herself in the process."</p>
<p>This is exactly how I feel about D2 (sophomore). I am definitely gearing her college search accordingly. She asked me the other day if I thought that she could get into U. of Florida (where the ave. GPAs are 4.0w and SAT's must be over 1250 instate) and I said that sure, she could apply but she probably would be much happier at Florida State U (smaller greener campus, ave. GPA's 3.5w SAT's 1100, ). With the more of the academically elite attending UF, my D2 may feel more confident sitting in Freshman Chemistry at FSU.</p>
<p>The pressure is coming at them from all of the sources you mentioned, KandKsmom. Part of the problem is that the baby boomlet has generated a larger number of students overall (which they estimate will peak with the hs classes of '08 & '09), more kids going to college out of those numbers because of the push over the years to attract more girls, and also more minorities. The larger number of applicants meant that some of the colleges could be more selective, thus increasing the number of colleges to which a student feels they need to apply in order to get in somewhere. It is a vicious cycle. The parents pressure the schools to provide the best for their children so that they are more competitive in the college process, but they also hire consultants, urge ridiculous numbers of outside activities and whatever else they perceive will help their child get into particular schools. We all find ourselves just a little panicked by the prospect of our child getting rejected by a school they love and seem qualified for--it's not hard to get sucked into the maelstrom!</p>
<p>We have always asked our children to make the best use of the talents God has given them. If they are academically gifted, then use those gifts because they will not be the ones to get an athletic scholarship!! If they are working to their best abilities, then that's all that we can ask. We have been lucky in that all 3 of our children have enjoyed school, are motivated by their teachers, siblings and peers and themselves. We also are lucky that the schools they have gone to have been fantastic (all Catholic, single sex for hs), with incredible faculty and a healthly balance of sports/activities/community service. Not only do they know that we want them to go to college, and that all of their peers are planning on doing so, they truly are excited by the prospect.</p>
<p>And yet, D and S1 had some disappointment in the process, D especially. It is part of life to have the ups and downs--we just hate for our children to encounter heartbreak and/or failure. They will all get into a school that is right for them, and it will all work out.</p>
<p>Remember when you are making lists of schools to include some that will be a "reach" (tough for most students to get into), a match (your child meets, or slightly exceeds their published profile statistics) and a "safety" (high acceptance rate of the type of student your child is). Never overlook the need for a "safety" school, no matter how fantastic a student your child is--there have been several threads on CC about kids who have been completely burned because they neglected to have a backup position!</p>
<p>I haven't had time to read all the posts but I do have a son who is a sophomore this year.</p>
<p>Our oldest son is a senior this year and will be going off to college in the fall. Don't know where yet! </p>
<p>To complicate matters, we are moving during the summer to another state so sohpomore son (S2) will have to begin at a new school for his junior year. This will certainly not be ideal, but he has always been very outgoing, popular, and makes friends very quickly and easily. My older son (S1) is much more quiet and doesn't like the fact that we're moving....even though he'll be in a dorm somewhere ;)</p>
<p>S2 is not quite as academically gifted as S1. He does OK in school, mostly Bs with a few As and sometimes a C now and then. He is very athletic and does wrestling, baseball and this past fall he did cross country. It was his first year doing that and he did very well! But his real passion is guitar. He plays both acoustic and electric and practices around 2-3 hours every day. Sometimes more :eek: . S1 is more of a math/science/engineering type but S2 will probably end up doing history or creative writing or music. He is also interested in cooking and has even helped me develop recipes a couple times. </p>
<p>Looks like I'll be around for quite a while :)</p>
<p>Suzy</p>
<p>BTW, PrimeTimeMom, is your child at a public school? That sounds like a great idea to give the kids an "assignment" to visit schools.</p>
<p>I wanted to pass along two great resources. I used these both with my daughter, and recently "rediscovered" them through a class on college counseling that I'm taking at UCLA. </p>
<p>The first is a College Personality Quiz that is a very good place to start if you're looking to get a sense of your child's learning style and emotional readiness for college. Keep in mind that your child's wants/needs/desires are likely to change a bit over the next two years, so think of this as a starting point, not an ending point:
<a href="http://www.usnews.com/usnews/edu/college/tools/cpq/coquiz.htm%5B/url%5D">http://www.usnews.com/usnews/edu/college/tools/cpq/coquiz.htm</a></p>
<p>The quiz is actually from a book called College Match by Steven Antonoff. This is an EXCELLENT book, and I highly recommend it. It was written by a former dean of admissions who is now an independent counselor. It's a thin little book, only 148 pages, and its entire focus is helping kids to find the right college fit. There are lots of great little exercises for kids to do, and it is VERY realistic in terms of the advice offered about finding the right college. At $10, it is a bargain and worth ten times more.</p>
<p>Thanks Carolyn!</p>
<p>I wish S#1 (senior) had taken the College Personality Quiz before we started the college search process. It would have helped narrow things down a bit!</p>
<p>As a parent, I think the pressure comes from seeing the competition in the real world. Jobs are harder to get, expenses are higher & parents feels that getting their kid into a better college translates into a better future. That may or may not be the case but I am just trying to be honest about the pressure that I confess I do feel & do tranfer onto my kids, My sophomore D is my second & the pressure will be much less for her since we have learned from my son's experience. My S started in the Engineering School at UIUC last year due to encouragement from his dad (an engineer) despite my feeling very strongly that he was had no interest or aptitude in the field. My S was willing to give it a try, however he did not realize how much he would hate it & we were not prepared for how badly he would do in his freshman year. Now he is struggling to get into the business school there but that is another story! As a result, I think we will be more flexible with my D who does not know what she wants to do at all, at least my S had it narrowed down to Eng or Biz.
If anybody has any recommendations for schools known for Psychology, a possible choice for her, I would love to hear them.</p>
<p>Son #1 got alot of pressure from his initial first choice school. He received weekly calls and scholarship offers; they are a highly rated private school. I think it flattered him at first but then the caller started to offend my son when he would answer truthfully about other schools he was looking at. My son has since decided to go full ride at a Tier 4 school and is thrilled with the decision.</p>
<p>Son #2 will not feel the same pressures that S1 feels since he is more carefree than my son #1. He doesn't know what he wants to do other than be happy and have a great life. I do think he is seriously looking at coaching football. </p>
<p>I guess I am on of the few on cc whos' child is not looking at a top tier school, Carolyn can you share your stake?</p>